Dear Jon and Kate

I guess the Brady Bunch wins. Did you guys really think you could hold it together for more than a few years with each other, considering you have a clan, not even a bunch anymore, of screaming sextuplets and twins? I guess Jon had a hunch it wasn't going to work, looking at how calm he was. Dude looked like he JUST got his doorknob polished and was trying to look serious, because for lack of better word, he's probably HYPED. Not only does he pick up a hefty check from TLC for the remainder of the show, he's not going to have to deal with that she-devil Kate. I know women are demanding, but DAMN!! Kate, you look like you had to give Jon permission when he needed to piss. Also, to tell you the truth, I don't think she really wanted that many kids, looking at how much she shouted and yelled at those kids. Some people can see money wherever they look, and she might be no different. When I saw the laundry list of free stuff they got, it made me want to try some genetic experiments of my own:

- Free beds
- Front-loader washing machines
- New furniture
- Free solar panels for “Going Green” episode
- Clothes from Gymboree and Gap
- Mady & Cara birthday at American Girl Place (2 dolls and birthday package for 2 adults & 2 kids): $710
- Trip to Florida Key’s for Jon’s 30th birthday
- Tickets to Dutch Wonderland amusement park: $309.50
- 1/2 an organic cow from Natural Acres Farm: $1,395.00
- Tickets to Philadelphia Zoo: $104.00
- Tickets to Walt Disney World: $654.00 per day
- Utah house rental (estimate: $5,000), ski lift tickets $72 for six days), ski school lessons ($140 per child)
- Upright piano, which they got rid of when they moved into their new $1.1 million home : $5,550-$6,350
- Violin: $100-$300
- Old house re-carperted
- Crayola Factory Tour: $90.00
- Teeth Whitening (for Jon & Kate): $1,310 (average price for 2 adults)
- Hair plugs (Jon): $5,200 (average cost)
- Sesame Street Place tickets: $509.50
- Day with Thomas the Tank Engine: $180.00
- Beach trip to North Carolina, house rental, Jeep tour
- Sight & Sound Christian theatre tickets: $236.00
- SkyBox at Phillies game
- LegoLand tickets: $550.00
- San Diego Zoo tickets: $278.00
- Grand Wailea Resort (Hawaii) for 2008 vow renewal: Suites range from $725-$1,080 per night.
- 2 purebred German Shepherd puppies: $1,000-$3,000 per dog
- Please Touch Museum tickets: $150.00
- Giants grocery store: $5,000 in gift cards and a year’s supply of diapers

And that's just the documented stuff. Seriously, Jon and Kate, shame on you for bringing these kids into the world for profit (we all know you did it). Not only will your wallets greatly shrink, because viewers were enamored with the whole "family" image, but also your show won't make another season, so there goes the fame. Jon, you better start loading up on that fame-driven sex before you end up on Dancing With the Stars. Kate, I would honestly find another man to trap with impending pregnancy before your vagina turns into an endless abyss. As for the kids, like I said, it's a shame. I'll give it about twelve years before we hear about one of them OD'ing on morphine in some Hollywood back alley. I guess the Octomom really isn't that bad off. Then again, who am I kidding? These people are all evil. Hopefully TLC can find another slightly-deranged woman to impregnate with multiples. It at least makes for great TV when it's on the air, and great laughs when it comes crashing down due to infidelity...


He's asking for Asian jokes with this one...