Dear Tweeple
Today, I had my first Twitter beef. I won't get into the long of short of it, because it was literally the dumbest thing I'd ever seen. But I will say that the altercation (can it be called that on Twitter?) opened my eyes to the true ills of the social-networking phenomenon. I've seen how Twitter can quickly become just as irksome as every other social network that we've experienced in the latter half of this decade. With that said, here are my Unofficial Rules for Twitter. Not only should they cut down on beefs, they should eliminate unecessary tweeps from your list and keep your Twitter experience idiot-proof:
1. If you wouldn't say it in real life, DO NOT TWEET IT!! It's really disconcerting to see people coming outside of their mouths simply because there's a computer screen blocking a nice bitch slap from coming your way.
2. If you RT everything on your timeline, then please examine your own life to find things that YOU tweet. There's nothing worse than someone who's whole M.O. is rehashed. Do you, not what other people do. That's not to say that re-tweeting things isn't cool, but there's a limit to my timeline's patience.
3. Don't TRY to get followers (that includes those "Get More Followers!!" links). If you have to resort to begging for followers, then you're not on Twitter for the right reasons. Popularity contests are for high school elections, not social networking. If you have 15 times more followers than people you're following (and aren't a LEGIT celebrity), you should get your self-esteem up...
4. Don't always be negative. There's nothing I hate more than a Tweep whose tweets are more depressing than an overdrawn bank account. Not only is airing out your problems publicly unbecoming, it makes cynics like myself not want to follow you.
5. Don't carry on conversations of more than 5-6 messages. It's like texting, only everyone sees it, and nobody but the people in it are interested. If you really have that much to convey, then IM, call, text, send a carrier pigeon or use telekinesis, instead of polluting my timeline with your inane conversation.
6. If yU tYp3 l1k3 d1sz, I w1ll uNf0ll0W yU. Simple, and straight to the point. If I wanted my timeline to be polluted by retarded text and graphics and characters, I'd go on Myspace and visit some hoodrat's page.
7. Quality over Quantity. Period. If you tweet every five minutes and all of your tweets are meaningless ramblings about your sandwich or some other minutiae that doesn't bear any significance to ANYONE but you, cut your tweeting down.
8. If you have a blog or website or service that you use Twitter to promote (much like myself), promote it. But DO NOT push it in people's faces. If your site is worthwhile, your followers will find their way to it regardless of how much you tweet about it. Trust me, it takes time, but you have to be patient.
9. The Ultimate Rule: Moderation, moderation, moderation. Everything is bad in large quantities, whether it be Krispy Kremes or Tweets. If you're doing anything too much on Twitter, then reevaluate your presence in the Twitterverse. Follow this rule, and you'll already be following the rest of them...
There you have it; my unofficial Twitter rules. Not to say that I haven't broken some of these rules myself, but as with anything, you live and you learn. Learn how to navigate Twitter with as little wackness/bullshit/lameness as possible and you'll experience the good side, not the bad side of Twitter. Oh yeah, and follow me, Junior, on Twitter...