Dear College Freshmen

Yo, yo, yo... It is the first week in September, which means only one thing: back to school (HAHA to all of you because I don't start till the 20st). Now, I'm far removed from the recess and rigid class schedules of grade school, so I decided to do my own back to school lists. Here's the first, addressed at those mindless young'ns that invade campus every fall, the freshmen:

Now that orientation's over, and you've shaken what seems like every hand on the planet, and those dreadful 101 classes are coming up, you're starting to wonder exactly what this whole college thing is all about. You see all of the upperclassmen coming back from their summer vaycays and it might be overwhelming. Well, let me tell you, it isn't. College is an amalgamation of the same bullshit from high school, just on a wider and grander scale. Also, this bullshit has the potential to set you back over $40,000 if you're not careful. But have no fear, Junior is here to set you straight and let you know what the dilly is with freshman year. Listen closely, because you might not get this from anyone else:

1. Meet as many people as possible. I know you hate dapping people up and risking getting their cooties just for some ritualistic greeting, but the point of college in this day and age is NETWORKING. Get out there. Join clubs, play games, strike up conversations and become the extrovert you've always wanted to be. Not only will you probably not get another chance to do this for another four years, expanding your social circle can only benefit you in the long run when it comes to finals or getting into parties for free on campus. Don't be a dorm rat. Meeting people also makes you better at talking on the fly. Because everyone is on 'people overload' you only really have one impression to make. Be sure that it's a unique one and that you're not just a face in the crowd, which brings me to my second point.

2. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, try and reinvent yourself drastically. I know a lot of people consider college a chance to make new friends on a whole different steez than it was in high school. While your identity in college should change from that in high school, don't switch it up to the point that you lose who you were. That not only leads to confusion on your part but makes for messy situations with your new and old friends. So, don't go all "The New Guy" and try to make yourself something you're not, because it will come to the light soon enough.

3. Experiment. No, I'm not talking about doing speedballs off a girl's stomach or mixing every alcoholic beverage known to man in a Death Cocktail. But, in college, you will be exposed to a host of new activities and ideologies, which you should keep an open mind to. There's no shame in trying something, not liking it, and keeping it moving. There is, however, something wrong with hating something having never tried or experiencing it. I'm not specifically referring to drugs, either. College is THE last chance you'll have to do new, interesting and even dangerous things without the risk of losing everything you have in the "real world". Make sure you take advantage of everything there is to offer, so you have no regrets after you get that diploma.

4. Speaking of diplomas, which are the reason you are in college (DON'T GET IT TWISTED!!!), here are my tips for getting the most out of your academia (this is a recreational post, but something needed to be here about the books:

- DO keep all of your syllabi, so that when the term is over, you know what you studied, what you didn't and what you need to cram all night for.
- DO make the effort to go to your classes. I know that 7 AM Bio Lab is a drag, but missing it can hurt more than help you. Some professors grade on attendance and participation, which are basically free points. Take advantage.
- DO take advantage of down time. In college, you're not always going to be partying or going down Slip-N-Slides on the green. Do some work and at least TRY to get that 3.0 you promised your parents.
- DON'T take more classes during the term than you can handle (at least during freshman year). Just because you graduated at the top of your class and got a 4.0 in high school, doesn't mean you can do it here. Learn your limit and make the best of it.
- DON'T be that guy in your classes. No one likes the professor suck up, the guy who asks too many questions, the guy who is always late, the guy who snores loudly in the back or the guy always hung over and smelling like stale beer. It behooves you to make your class experience as smooth as possible, and all of the above personas can make shit bumpier than an acne commercial.
- DON'T forget to make friends in your classes. This is self-explanatory. Although you might not be one for group study sessions, having notes from other classmates is more precious than gold, especially if you have NO CLUE what's going on in the class.

5. Back to the fun. Keep your exploits on the low. I can't tell you this enough. If you're going to smash a chick / dude, make sure only you and that person know. There's nothing hot about having an audience for that walk of shame the morning after. In college, gossip spreads faster than warm butter on toast. By that token, if you're going out there broadcasting who's digging out who, your dirty laundry will be out to dry before you could even wash it.

6. For the most part, after a few months you'll want no part in the campus dining options. Not only are they hastily and unlovingly prepared by a fat man with a hairnet on, they are most likely laced with laxatives to keep you "regular". So do yourself a favor. Learn how to cook, so that you can eventually wean yourself off of the atrocious mess they didn't tell you about as you were feasting on filet mignon when your parents were there. It's an invaluable skill that can come in handy on those hungry nights when Ramen noodles just won't do. Also, the freshman 15 (it's starting to become 30 around my parts; Q-Rich out this bitch!!) is no bueno during summer vacation, which is all the better to learn how to throw down in the kitchen for yourself...

7. Keep in contact with a select few friends from high school and your family at home. Your best friends from high school will most likely still be your best friends, given that they followed rule #2. Never, ever burn bridges unless you have other means of transport. Like I said before, college is about connections and networking. Even if you and the crew aren't as tight as before, you'll still have a foundation to connect over, which can and should never be broken. In terms of family, make sure to give mom and dad a link every week or so, just so that they know you're not dead and that their hard earned pensions aren't going towards massive consumption of alcohol.

8. In terms of dating, leave the cuffing until you're an upperclassman. Don't go into freshman year with a significant other. Even if you make it through that first six months, chances are, both of you will have changed more significantly than phone calls, text messages, e-mails, video chats, letters and vacation meetings can display. Not only is temptation rampant in college, you're much more likely to have a fulfilling freshman year if you're not constantly tethered mentally to another person hundreds of miles away. If you must hold on to that relationship, at least make sure your transportation options are well-rounded. But for the most part, just drop the high school sweetheart. She / he will probably be digging someone else out by year's end anyway...

9. Last one. Be your own person, in the existential sense. I said it numerous times in this post, but here goes again: This is probably your ONLY time to do some of the things you'll see in college. So just do it. Stay up late, dress like an idiot, make stupid videos, laugh loudly, make peace, jump, run, learn, live, breathe, understand and experience. It'll be worth your while and you'll come out of college with much more than a diploma...

There you have it froshies. Enjoy freshman year, check back for another college post tomorrow and check out the quintessential college song...