Dear Swag

I can't deny, this ish is hilarious!! Too bad swagger had to die...

It's funny how terminology and slang can one day be remotely cool, and then the next day, that same slang is played out. I remember the last time I heard someone say 'phat'. I don't think I would to see the day when you, 'swagger', and all your variants (swagg, swagged, swagnificence, swaggerific, etc.) became obsolete. It's funny that you're even slang, considering a good amount of slang aren't even words. I guess that made you all the harder to get rid of. Since around 2006, swag, you've been the word everyone, their mom, pop, aunt, uncle, best friend, cousin and sister used for at least a week. People were changing their Facebook and Myspace names, making up new words (see above) and finding every possible way to include you in their conversations, no matter how out of place you were. Then came these guys:



And these guys, who turned from an already butchered word into a nonsensical idiom...



Finally, these guys turned you out into the whore of a word you are today, though I guess the Grammy's were a dope coming out party...



Let's just say this, swagger... Most, if not all slang, is done in by the same thing that makes slang in the first place: word of mouth. At least in the subcultures that create slang, it catches on like wildfire and soon entire cities (states, regions, etc.) are saying it. You were no different, swag. New York was your birthplace, and as Dip Set videos and songs circulated the mixtape game, everyone wanted a piece of you. Now, you're reduced to being a ploy for Toyota to cater to suburban mothers, minority crowds and people who are late on fads. Auto-tune suffered the same fate, and I have yet to hear anyone use it in a song since (where is T-Pain??). I don't think you'll last as long either, though you'll definitely live on in forgotten Twitter names... RIP SWAG

Dear Toyota

Good mileage? CHECK. Ugly cars? CHECK. Defects & recalls?? CHECK

I've never understood America's love affair with you, Toyota. Besides good fuel mileage, what do your buckets really have to offer? Most of your cars either look exactly the same, are really boring, or look way too much like cheap-ass Lexus'. In fact, I'd say most of your appeal has to do with how boring your designs are. Year after year after year, your cars don't change for the better, or at all, for that matter. I guess you could say your cars have better value since you don't change your designs; not seeing a snazzier version of one's car a year later is a good look. Even so, with all that going for you, and brand loyalty coming out of your ass, your cars are unsafe now??


Anyone remember these???

Good God, Toyota. Over the course of the past 3 years, you guys have been locked up in litigation for a number of defects in your car. Everything from faulty floormats, to gas pedals that stick and brakes that don't work have plagued your company as of late. I know for a fact though (okay not a fact; more, a premonition) that you guys have known about all these defects for a looooong time. It just makes more sense (financial, that is) to get tied up in litigation because of dishonesty than to actually fix the defects honestly. I'd love to be a dick conspiracy theorist and espouse you guys as another evil corporation, but its more hilarious to watch your negligence unfold into more legal trouble, Toyota. At the same time, your recalls are pretty dead on with the rest of the auto industry, so it's not really anything new. At least your head man tried to cover fess up. It's hilarious when the Man shits his pants and tries to tell us it's fertilizer...

Toyota G Sports Series

Remember the Lexus LF-A I had posted up from October?? Well, Toyota (Lexus's owner) isn't stopping at the luxury brands. At the Tokyo Auto Salon (I need to make a trip out to that show at least once in my lifetime) Toyota revealed the concept for their next sports car, the G Sports Series. They were pretty tight lipped about the specs, but hinted at a RWD 2.0-liter engine and a six-speed manual tranny. The car looks like sex on hot pavement, too. Check some still pictures from the show...