Hartford, Connetcticut
Greetings from Hartford, Connecticut people, where apparently police shot and apprehended a chimpanzee after it attacked a woman. The chimp, Travis, was kept as a pet by a 15-year-old boy and mauled a woman visiting the boy, before turning on the boy and two police officers coming to ease the situation. You know times are getting crazy when people start raising chimps like they're kids. Travis could use the toilet, dress himself, take showers, eat at the table, brush his teeth, watch TV with a remote and check e-mail. That's impressive considering the chimp has Lyme Disease. Apparently, this isn't the first time our primal pal has been caught up with the jakes. Dude escaped from his owners in 2003 and had to be lured back with cookies and ice cream. He sounds like a fat-ass kid more than a chimp. I hope PETA doesn't start a fund for chimps in legal trouble.
This bears an eerie semblance to Rodney King.