Dear Allergies
I hope whoever wrote that sneezed himself into another dimension...
As the seasons turn, the leaves fall and the chill of colder months comes back, there is an evil, so diabolical that no one is safe from its wrath. It is an evil so wretched that there isn't even a remedy for it. An evil so terrible that there's no hiding from its ugly head at any point during the year. That evil is you, allergies. You've afflicted me from the moment I was born to this very day. From numerous visits to doctors and allergists, to 'herbal' remedies, to every medication known to man, I've yet to have a season that you didn't render me incapacitated for days on end and have me laid out in the fetal position. Allergies, I don't understand you.
Apparently, your wrath stems from lack of exposure to allergens at a young age. Yet even in these latest years, as I've grown wary of cats and dogs and tried to have tissues at my side at all times, you've still not seen your metaphorical grave. Allergies, you never seem to be in a position where I, or anyone I know for that matter, can adequately deal with you. Everyone I know has had their head congested to the point where they turned into a bobblehead. It's never been a situation where there was a sense of control over your evil, or there was a way out. Every time I think I've rid myself of you, there's a sneeze waiting around the corner or a sore throat ready to pounce on a perfectly good weekend.
The worst part about you, allergies, is that you don't even have the gall to have a standard weakness that anyone can take advantage of. You take on different forms for everyone and affect everyone in ways as numerous as Abraham's sons. It's as if you're worse than the plague, because you'll never be gone. In medical history, only a few ailments have eluded the magic of modern medicine. Cancer, AIDS and other terminal diseases have nothing on you (word to Bruno Mars) because they're preventable with good lifestyle choices. You on the other hand, hit without warning like a kamikaze crashing metaphorical shores. We don't deserve you. Modern medicine should've found a cure for you (and the common cold) years ago. That said, I say curses to you, allergies! I will continue to combat you with inordinate amounts of fluids, vitamins and antihistamine drugs, and implore any and all allergy sufferers to do the same. I wish nothing but antibodies, antibiotics, and fresh air on you, and hope that you develop an allergy of your own one day, as improbable as that is...
