Dear Philadelphia Youth
Have you guys lost your mind?? I mean really. Did you guys leave your brains somewhere and not remember to find them? It's a sad day when you can't even go out for an evening on the town without being harassed or scared by a group of teenagers. It's an even sadder day when that same group of teenagers grows into a multitude, and instead of simply being, begins looting stores and getting violent, calling themselves a 'flash mob'. Young people of Killadelphia, Pistolvania, let me school you on what a flash mob really is. Check it out:
THAT is a flash mob. In fact, let me define it for you, just so there's no mistake. A flash mob is "is a large group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and pointless act for a brief time, then quickly disperse." (Wikipedia)
Now, what of what you guys have been doing in the past few weeks is remotely reminiscent of an unusual or pointless act, in which you dispersed quickly? That's right. NOTHING. In essence, you who gathered on South Street were gallivanting around for hours, until you realized you had nothing to do. Then, upon realizing the sheer multitude of you, decided to levy those numbers in a destructive manner, looting stores, causing bedlam and even assaulting a pizza delivery guy or two. Nothing of that is fun, innocent or even cool. Leave it to inner-city youth to turn something novel and funny to passers-by into a special on the 6 o'clock news. Maybe it's the lack of things to do in Philadelphia, or maybe it's the mentality of you young people in the city. Whatever the cause, there's no reason UPenn & Drexel kids should be shook to go to McDonalds, because some Philly kids don't have anywhere to go after school or on weekends. Join a basketball team, go volunteer, go fly a kite, or hell, READ A DAMN BOOK!! If you want to do flash mobs, do one where everyone quotes their favorite philosophers, or does the hokey pokey, or wears a wacky outfit. Do something. ANYTHING!! Just stop giving yourselves reasons to be vilified, when you could really be enriching yourselves. Lord knows there's never any stories about that on the 6 o'clock news...
Did this pizza guy really have to get the business end of a group of misguided teenagers? Get it together, kids...
