Dear Racism Whistle-Blowers

If he falls off this mountain, is the mountain now a racist?

'It's because I'm black!'

'Man, that's racist!'

'How can you do that, as a black man?'

'Don't you know that (supposedly racist act) originated in (racially-charged event)?'

The list could go on forever... Of all the things that irk me to no end, I think the one that has stood out lately is you, the prototypical racism whistle-blower. We all know about planking now, thanks to Twitter. The craze started out months ago in New Zealand as a twist on the 'lying down' game, and grew to notoriety when an unsuspecting planker died after tumbling down a mountain. Yet, in recent weeks the fad has grown to a fever pitch, conspicuously making its rounds in the mainstream media and the black community. As with many crazes, I was quick to dismiss it, simply because it is a case of major groupthink and the world has many other issues to deal with other than people lying face-down in random locations.

Yet you racism whistle-blowers had to take it to that level. People always get on blacks and other minorities for pulling out the race card at unscrupulous intervals... And predictably, we get mad, championing the sacrifices of our ancestors and claiming that we shouldn't be delving into certain things because of the racially-charged histories behind them. Planking has received the same treatment, with hoards of you whistle-blowers alluding to the triangular trade practice of stacking slaves on top of one another in slave ships to conserve space. Now, I understand why you would make this comparison. They look pretty darn similar. Hell, they might've even used the same term to describe it... But consider this: NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE RACIST!

Why is it that nothing can pass through the lens of a black 'radical' without having 'Bigot' branded on its forehead? Are we that desperate for talking points to continue the 'struggle', that something created purely in fun can't be left alone? I'll take a wild guess that when people began planking again, slave ships were the farthest thing from their minds. And by that token, I don't think that some 21st-century fad was on the mind of slave dealers when they were planking slaves. Trying to elicit an air of causation from either side is not only reaching, but silly. Yes, the link is there. But it doesn't mean the link is automatically valid or worth causing a kerfuffle about. Whistle-blowers, let me end on this: why not focus on racism that actually affects us like... I don't know... Tea partiers, or Clarence Thomas, or Michelle Bachman? Either that or go walk a plank... Seriously.

Dear Donald Trump

If 'the Man' were a real person, I'd imagine his physical make-up to be something like this:

- white, Anglo-Saxon male
- the brain of Sarah Palin
- the enraptured soul of Ronald Reagan
- the torso of Ed Wuncler (word to Aaron McGruder)
- the physical fortitude of a newborn kitten
- the voice of Glenn Beck

... and last, but not least, the hair of none other than you, Donald Mothaf*ckin Trump. Your comb-overed idiocy never really registered on my Richter Scale, simply because you were too much of a big wig, fat-walleted blowhole to really matter. Your forays into real estate (yes, they did some wonders for the NYC skyline) have turned your already inflated ego into a gargantuan facade, much like those said buildings. Hell, even your show is an overstated testament to how important you believe yourself to be. Now that it's 2011, and the 2012 Presidential Election race has had its unofficial start, the talk of your impending run as a GOP candidate has me scratching my head, and wondering 'Are we really taking this guy seriously?'

Take your announcement for your campaign, and subsequent latching on to the 'Birther' movement. You claim that Obama wasn't born in this country and that his whereabouts are beyond questionable. You constantly allude to a missing birth certificate, as if it hasn't been proven repeatedly that President Obama was indeed born in Hawaii, citing the lack of a 'birth certificate'. Newsflash, Trump. In Hawaii, the document is called a 'Certificate of Live Birth' and is the equivalent of what you would call a birth certificate (the whole discrepancy is reminiscent of every state's little legislative differences, that your party seeks to protect, so why the contradiction?).

Next, you attack Obama's academic record, saying that his status as a Harvard and Columbia grad is a farce, and that his Ivy League matriculation was 'undeserved'. Look at you, Trump! Your dad was a real estate tycoon, and you most likely got into UPenn based off his connections than anything. How can you try to discredit another man's rise in academics, when you got around on your daddy's name? How can you try and mudsling on another man's merit, when you've proven through your own grandiose lifestyle that you have little to merit yourself? I'll tell you why... It's because you have little if any platform to run on, and are essentially running on a 'F*ck Obama' campaign.

Where are YOUR political credentials? Where do YOU stand on the issues? So far, everything that's come out of your mouth is a hair away from slanderous and has little if anything to do with improving the nation or its economy. It's like you have nothing to add to the discussion so you're going to fling mud at everyone else in some vain attempt to hide your own lack of expertise or political savvy. It's sickening, Trump. Do you have ANYTHING to add to the conversation other than slander? Then you've got numbskulls like Sarah Palin giving you pats on the back? Come on, son... If Sarah Palin is endorsing you, then there's something terribly wrong with what you're saying.

You stand for everything bad about the GOP: distortion of fact, lack of discernable political intelligence, and an overall hubris that will eventually be you and your party's demise. Never mind the fact that the GOP has no candidates worth the pieces of paper they're balloted on. Never mind the fact that you'd be the 2nd GOP candidate to have a reality TV show. You're just out of line. Why don't you just flip that combover over to reveal the vacuous abyss that is your mind, and let the American people see just what you're made out of: money and nothing more. Then again, so are most of the GOP hopefuls. Why don't we just chalk your idiotic campaign up to the GOP's impending implosion (#shoutout to the Tea Party), and have you go back to hawking real estate. I don't mind you working in NYC, but the White House, you need to stay out of, for all our sakes...

PS: According to CNN, Obama was 'absolutely' born in Hawaii. What the hell are you going to run your campaign on now, Trump?

Dear Lil' B (re: 'I'm Gay')

Upon reading my last post, I think I raised too many questions and didn't answer enough for myself. I suppose the post was more a rant and forum for discussion, as opposed to some declaration of my stance on homosexuality. Either way, the post got me to thinking: what if a rapper was, indeed, gay? What if an MC decided to shake up the whole world by coming out of the closet? What if everyone's favorite Based God decided to ummm... I don't know... name his album 'I'm Gay'? It turns out I don't have to dream or wonder about such a hypothetical situation anymore, seeing as you, Lil' B the Based God have announced that your new album will be called 'I'm Gay'.



Now, Lil' B, I've had an interesting relationship with your basedness. While saying 'swag' and 'based' and doing your 'Cooking' dance in complete jest, I've come to realize that your movement is less about the music, the 'swag' and the utter nonsense, as it is about the fervent feeling of fanaticism that your Based movement brings. Throngs of skinny jean-clad onlookers chant your lyrics, and encourage you to engage in coitus with their significant others not because they actually consider you a god, but because you give them a deity-like entity to feel attached to. In the same way that Hendrix and the Beatles had fanatics, so do you. I respect that. I respect your undying devotion to self-promotion and making music. While I may debate your own musical aptitude (some of your music sounds like you were smoking the best base while recording), I can never question your love of music, with allusions to Theophilus London among other acclaimed musical personalities. Now that your fame has reached a fever pitch among the underground, what better way to put your name on the front of everyone's watch list than to proclaim your 'gayness' on wax?

Most people reacted to the title with a resounding 'huh?', which then switched to

A) ridicule at the notion that the Based God, whose sole purpose on the planet is to f*ck your b*tch, would effectively proclaim his love of his own sex

OR

B) praise because of how 'bold' a statement calling your album that is, and how you're changing the game, one homosexual at a time...

My take, Lil' B? You're as straight as an arrow. I'm almost 99% sure about that, sans the Tupac nose ring. That said, you calling your album that is exactly what you said: an indictment on the power that words have over us. You claimed that definitions don't mean anything, ironically. Words can make the tallest mountain look like a molehill, and in your case, they will make what would probably have been a frisbee of an album into platinum. Nothing more, nothing less. You being 'gay' is as much a promotional tool as it is a statement of how obsessed hip-hop is with sexuality. That we all are talking about it as a function of sexuality proves that point. And when your gay album does come to pass, I have little doubt in my mind that it will be the same Based God that we've gotten used to, complete with indecipherable lyrics, monotonous profanity and reasons as to why hoes are staid upon your d*ck. And I have even less doubt that you will be gayer (happy gay) than the apparel we don while singing "Fa-la-la-la-LAAA-La-la-la-la" after your gay album drops. You will have successfully pulled a marketing scheme out of your rear end, while simultaneously arousing the attention of GLAAD and chuckling because Kobe Bryant won't be able to mutter gay slurs. Kudos, Lil' B. #SWAG

Dear Record Companies

From West Indian block parties to underground ciphers, piracy has always been around...

via The Register:

The music industry is sticking to a self-valuation that has been rejected by various courts and has now been described as “absurd” by a New York judge.

Judge Kimba Wood has handed down an opinion in the LimeWire damages case that challenges the industry’s belief it could be owed more than the entire global GDP for one year.

After LimeWire lost the case last year, the trial moved into the damages phase, with hearings starting next May. In an opinion (pdf) [1] published ahead of the damages hearings, Judge Kimba Wood revealed that the record companies, seeking statutory damages against the music-sharing service, are seeking damages predicated on the “number of direct infringers per work” – leading to a damages claim of as much as $75 trillion dollars (according to Wikipedia, total global GDP is around $69 trillion)".

You know an industry is in the middle of a flux when it grossly overvalues itself and insists that the rest of humanity respect its inflated self-image. It just so happens that this overvaluation is a constant staple of the music industry, where fickle fans, new technology and constantly changing winds make an accurate understanding damn near impossible. The music industry continued that trend over the past two weeks when a gang of you record companies decided to hold Limewire accountable for $75 trillion over its enabling of file-sharing. I almost gagged when I saw that figure. $75 TRILLION?!?!?! Since when has the music industry been worth more than the entire world's GDP? Seriously... I like music, and I'm sure the rest of the world does too, but not that much.

And to boot, you're suing Limewire of all companies. If you guys really had your hand on the pulse of the music industry, you'd know Limewire was played out after my 9th grade year (2002, if you must know). Additionally, if you were really paying attention, you would've been up on the online music grind from jump, so that you could've had a stake in it. Torrents, sharing websites and iTunes beat you to the punch and now you're on the outside looking in, trying to bust the windows. Now that you're behind the curve, it's like you're trying to put a four-alarm fire out with a water gun. Hell, now the blogs are running the game, giving away your artists' music (at least in hip-hop; can't speak for every genre) and all you guys can do is shut down onSMASH for a couple of weeks.

If your preposterous claim against Limewire is a sign of anything, it's that the little man always has a one-up on the corporation because the corporation is too focused on the profit rather than the product. That you guys are finally getting your day in court is too little, too late, and the judge handling your case proved that when he called your claim 'absurd'. As a matter of fact, that's just the first in a long list of words I have for your general greed and lack of insight into your own business. Either way, I and the rest of the bajillion Generation-Y music fans will somehow find a way to download music around your egregious blocks to fair distribution of music. Are you going to threaten legal action against all of us? Probably. God save the poor sap who gets nabbed with that law suit. Will it work? Probably not. Maybe you should take notes on the new wave instead of trying to cram your way in after the lights have come down.

Dear Four Loko

People would definitely pass on Four Loko if it made you look like that...

via The Chicago Tribune:

Four Loko, the high-octane alcoholic beverage favored on college campuses, is again under fire.

Michigan announced Thursday that it is banning alcoholic caffeinated drinks like Four Loko, which is produced by Chicago-based Phusion Projects and has been singled out for criticism by health experts. A day earlier, members of Chicago's City Council proposed their own ban on energy drinks that contain alcohol.

The Michigan action, passed by the state's Liquor Control Commission on a 2-1 vote, identified 55 products for its ban. The commission's decision followed recent reports of students in Washington and New Jersey being hospitalized after drinking Four Loko. Manufacturers will have 30 days to pull the banned products.

If there's one thing I've learned during college it's that drinking should be its own department, with its own courses, and degree. The amount of alcohol consumed on any given college campus weekly could flood a stadium, drowning sorrows and a plethora of aspirations and memories with it. That said, the main barrier for most college kids and their desired inebriation is that stingy age requirement. Kids have been finding ways to acquire alcohol for generations, whether it be fake ID, older friends helping them, bootlegging or dipping into their parents' stashes. Until this past year, that was it. Now we've got you, Four Loko, with your fruity, wine cooler-esque flavors, your unusually high alcohol levels and your abnormally low price.

Four Loko, you burst onto the scene before the summer, with most people mistaking you for cans of their favorite iced tea. Now, months later, college campuses and parent groups are calling for your head due to the overwhelming amount of kids winding up in the hospital or dead after knocking back a few too many of you. That said, you shouldn't be blamed for their demise, even though you were in their hands. There are a few reasons why I believe you ARE NOT guilty, and why people should check their habits before they blame you for anything:

1) Drinking alcohol is COMPLETELY voluntary. People use peer pressure as a scapegoat for everything, yet when it comes down to it, no one is drinking you with a gun pointed at them. No one is being forced to down 23.5 ounces of your blackout-inducing elixer. At the end of the day, a person who deems himself responsible and old enough to drink one of you should have to deal with your consequences. In the same way as drinking you is voluntary, so are the headaches, nausea, memory loss and health benefits that come with you.

2) You taste DISGUSTING. Yes, I have tried you, and no I will never put my lips to a can of you again (Gin and tonics are my drink of choice anyway). It's funny that nature's way of telling you not to ingest something is by having it taste like the broad side of an outhouse. You would think that young adults could master that idea. But no. They continue to guzzle you, unaware of the damage they are doing to their livers, but all the more inebriated.

3) You keep people awake. The silver lining for most drinkers is that after a night of pounding back Jager Bombs or guzzling from the tap, they can take solace in the fact that alcohol is a depressant. They will undoubtedly fall out either due to fatigue or because of the alcohol in their system. Not with you, Four Loko. You make it so that no matter how much one drinks, they will never fall asleep. Your inhuman levels of caffeine, combined with the alcohol, makes one all the more drunk but no more tired. That leads to to the inevitable: blackout drunkenness.

Four Loko, those are three things that people should know about you before drinking, but don't for some reason. It's a sad day and age where people are unable to control their urges to drink, so much so that they endanger their lives. It's even sadder when people can't fess up to there being a problem with their own habits, rather than blaming everything on the inception of a product to the market. Yes, you are the next of kin to poison, Four Loko. Yes, drinking you probably takes 8 hours off one's life. But at the same time, shouldn't people know that before they pop the top? The balance between personal and external responsibility is something that is being lost every day, with your effigy at the forefront. Sadly, that balance will never be righted as long as you're on the streets...

Dear MC Hammer

You know how you know you're getting old? When you see performers, artists and actors from your earlier days making fools of themselves today, and wonder 'where did it all go wrong?' Today is such a day for you MC Hammer. Now, I don't particularly understand what your gripe with Jigga is. What he said in that line from Kanye's 'So Appalled' was completely true, and you know it.

“Hammer went broke, so you know I’m more focused/I lost 30 mil’, so I spent another 30/’Cause unlike Hammer, 30 million can’t hurt me,

No, it's not nice to kick a man when he's down, nor is it in good taste to discuss another man's money. But come on, Hammer. You know that at least one point in the past 15 years you've said to yourself: 'Where did all that motherf*ckin' money go?' And thanks to modern accounting and banking, you now know exactly where you went wrong in your monetary decisions. It's great that you've put that era behind you and begun to seek new things in your life.

That said, Hammer, making diss videos towards Jay isn't going to cure your hungry pockets. It's all well and good that you're making an attempt to resurrect your career, but you've showed up late to an entire revolution of technology and social media. Times have changed, Hammer. Diss tracks are like assholes now. Everyone puts them out as feeble attempts to gain notoriety, in the 50 Cent mold. And sadly, Hammer, you're no different. Diss track aside, the fact that you put out a music video to go with it is beyond laughable. Seriously, man. Who dances for a diss track? Didn't we leave that alone in the 80s (well before you were popping onto the scene)? Also, what did the little boardroom meeting have to do with anything? You know the last time you had a corporate meeting that meant anything, it was your contract release meeting. Add to that, the song sucks. I know it. You know it. The American people know it.

Hammer, this isn't the way to get your celebrity back. You do know that Jay-Z won't even regale this with a response? If anything he'll toss another (singular) bar at you and probably have the internets going nuts with laughter. No, Hammer, it's not that your musical contributions have been forgotten. It's just that you're choosing to take on a titan of hip-hop, when you've clearly been downgraded to a mere mortal. Why not take the Rev Run route and get a reality TV show or something? I'm sure it'll have more shelf life and profit coming out of it than this sorry video...

Hip-Hop Highway?

I know I'm not the only one out there who's fantasized about having an extravagant rap video, where you do some outlandish act like... blocking a highway with a truck and performing a concert. Yesterday, someone made that daydream come true. In Los Angeles, underground hip-hop group Imperial Stars did just that, stopping L.A.'s Highway 101 in the middle of rush hour, ironically on a pretty good day of traffic. The group hired a driver to stop the truck in the middle of the 4-lane highway, and then drive away in another car. The result was over an hour of heavy delays and a memorable hip-hop moment. Check out some video of what happens when hip-hop videos try to be too real...

Dear DJ Khaled

Khaled, let me say this: I've never liked you. I never thought you had an inkling of talent, though everywhere I turn people are lauding your additions to the hip-hop game. I don't see them. Even so, I'm not here to debate your credentials as a hip-hop personality (there are no credentials for that, at this point), nor am I here to trash your musicality (as if you really had much to begin with). Today, I'm going to talk about your ridiculous assertion, that, among the masses of talented MC's out there today, Rick Ross is a great. A great??? Look Khaled, Ross' album was, in fact, very good. The man has a penchant for making good music that one can not only nod their head to while sipping fine wine, but shake their metaphorical dreads while riding with the top down in the 305. That said, we have to draw a line. You said Ricky Rawse should be up there with Jay-Z, Biggie and, most baffling of all, Bob Marley??? *Bob Marley's spirit gets bit by a truck* Bob Marley?? Khaled, as a Jamaican-American, and as a hip-hop fan, I want to give you the People's Elbow for that one. You might as well have said Al Green, Luther Vandross and Earth, Wind and Fire while you were at it. C'Mon son. Rozay is nice, but not nice enough to be mentioned in the same breath as Robert Nesta Marley or Biggie or Tupac. When Rawse decides to address his life as a federale, as well as make some music that talks about social ills and progression, maybe we can start the conversation. But as long as his inspirations for his verses are Big Meech and Larry Hoover, you, Khaled need to stick to screaming on tracks and being rowdy at award shows...

Dear Glenn Beck

These are your people, Glenn... What exactly are they taking America back from again??

There are only a handful of people that I would actively wish physical harm on. Tom Brady and Comcast's CEO are two that I can think of offhand, but you, Mr. Beck have officially made the list of 'People I Want to See Literally Break a Leg'. Glenn, I really tried hard not to cast your name asunder, because, you try. You try to make your biting racist rhetoric as safe as possible. You try to keep your xenophobic undertones under wraps, by dubbing everything a fight for 'American values'. Hell, you even try to keep everything multicultural by having rallies on the same day as Martin Luther King Jr. I can understand why you want to play the middle ground. At the same time, I despise everything about you that I just stated.

Glenn, let's get straight to the point, because mincing words doesn't pay bills: You are underhandedly racist, conservatively short-sighted, and overzealous in your definition of 'American'. It seems like every time I hear your name in the media, it's not in relation to anything positive or uplifting. Your rally for 'Restoring Honor' was anything but honorable, regardless of how peaceful a picture you wanted to paint. If it isn't calling Obama out on his birthplace (for the 1000th time), it's promoting fear among an American people that are already confused as hell. You see, Glenn, you're the type of person who sees the idiocy going on in our country, and rather than inform the public, you use it to mold their opinions to your sick, twisted, white-picket fantasy of what you think America should be. What you fail to realize though, is that NO ONE IS INHERENTLY AMERICAN!! Don't you realize that this land was shanghai'ed from Native Americans, worked on the backs of slaves and immigrants and built to greatness by the descendants of people from all over the world? Even in your talks of 'returning America to God', you fail to realize that God doesn't see color. He doesn't see race, gender, ethnicity or country of origin. And he certainly doesn't see the size of your wallet or your socioeconomic bracket. I've always wondered where people like yourself found these doctrines. Are we reading the same Bible?

Glenn, its obvious you have more on your agenda than 'American values'. You're a Class-A fear-monger. You're fodder for the bass-ackwards inbred folk who still think it's 1896 and that Africa is devoid of light. You speak to the (non)sensibilities of White Americans who, for the first time in their lives, are realizing that they aren't the only ones who matter. It's hilarious how people act when they aren't as powerful anymore, especially you. You start acting as if your victims. Of what I have no clue, considering you (white male) have been the world's ruling class since people knew what skin color was. Glenn, take my advice. Stop believing that America is the land of opportunity for only your kind. Not only will that mode of thinking hold back the country, it will probably wipe you and your kind out before you think. Hate written in pretty, rosy letters is still hate. You should know that better than anyone, but hey what do I know. 'Restoring honor' apparently has a race qualification, so I might have to just sit this one out....

Dear Professional Baseball

DISCLAIMER: Before all of you baseball purists and 'America's Pastime' thumpers come and turn a Baseball Fury (100 e-points if you get that reference) on me, just know that I do watch baseball, and quite often in fact. I've just grown weary of summers dominated by baseball. It's as if the rest of the sports world takes summers off and we're stuck with an old, traditionalist of a sport. Check out these reasons for why professional baseball grinds my gears...

What about this was really exciting? #shoutout to the homie @JRSportBrief


1. Home runs suck. Don't deny it. Home runs are the most pointless highlight to ever flash before my TV screen. There's nothing particularly special about any particular home run, other than the fact that it clears the fence. Home runs are the same, every single time. It's a mystery to me as to why they even require the hitter to circle the bases. Doesn't the home run count as soon as it goes over the fence? Whatever the case, the crown jewel of the sport of baseball has grown less and less impressive as I've gotten older. And with the steroids era not yet in our rearview mirror, its still hard to give the nod to the home run's validity. Don't get me wrong. The feat of blasting a ball that far is impressive... But after seeing it once, I think the wow-factor wears off...

2. There's no parity in professional baseball. And that is coming from a born Yankees fan. As a betting man, there really is no reason to bet on baseball (sorry Pete Rose) considering the same teams are always winning, give or take a few that are declining. The lack of a salary cap has essentially made the MLB two leagues: the Haves and Have-nots, not the AL and NL. Squads like the Yankees, Phillies, Red Sox, Angels, Dodgers, White Sox, Braves and Mets are continuously the cream of the crop, while teams like the Royals, Astros, Padres, Pirates, Athletics, Indians and Orioles are always bottom-dwellers. Even when those sucky teams manage to find a diamond in the rough of a player, he gets scooped up by one of the bigger teams because his original squad can't afford him. It's almost hilarious, because you have to wonder why those small-market teams even try anymore. Professional baseball has no appeal because there's never any chance of one of the lesser teams making a run, or even improving enough each year to challenge one of the big teams...

3. Can anyone tell me what the manager of a baseball team does? Seriously... I want to know, because every time I see a shot of the manager on TV, he's either speaking to one of the coaches under him, sitting down looking disinterested (probably eating sunflower seeds), or yelling at an umpire. Oh yeah... and he gets up in the dugout only to call the bullpen. Other than that we see him making signals and staring off into space. Sounds like one hell of a job. And what's with the manager having to wear the uniforms as well? Most of those guys don't look as though they've lifted a weight in decades. Why would you want them squeezing themselves into those near skintight pants and jerseys? All in all, the idea of a baseball manager boggles my mind. The permanence of that position will never make sense...

4. The game takes is too long and too slow. I've yet to sit down in front of a television and watch an entire baseball game, from first pitch to the last out. Nor do I know many people who can, unless they're at the game life. To do so would be nearing brutality. Between the commercials in between innings and pitching changes, and the time between actual pitches, baseball is a sport made for time wasting and lazy people. That's especially considering how little actual play is going on when they do play. It takes over 3 and a half hours for one baseball game to be over, when there might be 45 minutes of actual playing. And then the 7th inning stretch? What exactly are they stretching from? When you're not batting, you're in the dugout clowning around with your teammates. And when you're in the field 9/10 of the time, you're just standing there hoping for the ball to get hit into play near your area. The result of this is a long-winded, low-action, BORING game...

EDIT: Add to that, the fact that the baseball season is 162 games long. 162 games!!!!! That means 4,860 4-hour games, which is a number I don't even want to attempt to multiply. A long season of long games equal bored fans, which explains why the postseason is so short. It seems like the MLB has it backwards. But hey, who am I to judge?

There couldn't be a more accurate picture in all of the internets...


5. Baseball is just active enough to be called a sport, but is too lazy to be up there with basketball, football, hockey and soccer. As I said in previous points, you really don't have a lot of on-field action, except when the ball is in play. That lends itself to a lot of baseball players being on the less athletic side. But has anyone ever taken a look at some pitchers and designated hitters? Do the names David Wells, Prince Fielder, Mo Vaughn, Carlos Zambrano or David Ortiz ring any bells? If they don't then just picture a fat man wielding a baseball bat or pitching a baseball, and you've got the gist. Seriously, baseball is the only sport where you can be legitimately FAT and still play. Never mind football where even the heftiest of lineman can run the 40 in under 5 seconds. I'd be surprised if any of the guys I listed above can run to the bathroom in under 5 seconds. Baseball just lends itself to being unathletic, yet very athletic in certain capacities, which makes me question it as a sport...

6. The rules in baseball are completely fudged. Only in the MLB can you hit a home run in one park and not hit one in another. Only in the MLB are the fences different heights in different stadiums or the outfields different areas. Only in the MLB is video-evidence eschewed because of the umpire's cataract-filled discerning eye. And only in the MLB do we have different rules for different leagues. Seriously, can baseball get its own rules down pat? How can you allow the designated hitter in the AL and not the NL or vice versa? Shouldn't there be some sort of standard for how the game is played at the professional level? How do I explain that concept to someone who's never watched baseball before (ie: the rest of the developing world sans Latin America & Japan)? I don't think I possess the words to do so, nor should I have to. Professional baseball seems more like a loose affiliation of leagues more than one entity because of these differences, and it takes away from the integrity of the game. Then again, everyone lied about steroids. Baseball doesn't have a lot of integrity to fall back on anyway...

The Census: No One Man Should Have All That Power

PREAMBLE: For those of you who haven't been following the blog since last year, I had a section on it called 'The Census'. The premise behind it was that I would present an issue, then pose a question in a poll, where you, the readers would have the opportunity to vote on it for a week. Unfortunately, the voting got a little sparse, so I canned it... Until now. The Census is back, but now, rather than voting on it, I simply implore you, friends, to chime in in the comments section. One of the reasons I started Dear Whoever was to have an open forum for dialogue on what's going on in the world today. Some of that dialogue takes place through my letters, but I would love it if my readers got some time to voice their opinions. So here goes... This is the first round of the new, kinda improved, Census. Enjoy folks...



I guess the title is a little misleading, considering Justin Bieber is merely a teenager (didn't stop the Power Rangers, though). At the same time, he's not exempt from the rules that govern the social media frenzy that has everyone glued to their computers and phones now. And while we're on the topic of being glue to one's phone, please take a look below to see the kind of influence and power that we give to one man. Justin Bieber retaliated against a failed Twitter hack by tweeting that person's phone number to his 4.5 million fans (source). The fan, Detroit teen Kevin Kristopik, went on to receive over 26,000 texts ranging from laughter to outright hate. His cell phone bill is estimated to be upwards of $5000, given he doesn't have unlimited texting. Cell phone fees aside, is this the kind of society that we live in? Do the frivolities of celebrities enamor us that much that we kowtow to their every beck and call. Truthfully, what did any of those 26,000 text messages do for the people that weren't Justin Bieber. My guess is little to nothing. So I suppose the question is, how did we allow someone to gain that type of influence over people? The same thing happened to the 'chosen one,' a random Twitter user that Kanye West decided to follow. Steven Holmes had to delete his Twitter to get away from the promoters, social media hawks and random bystanders contacting him because of some supposed 'relationship' he had with Kanye. Is it just me or has social networking gotten a little too crazy?

That's what happens to your phone when you mess with Justin Bieber's Twitter...


So tell me people, where do you stand on the power of social media and how much influence we place in the hands of celebrities through that medium? Do we give stars too much pull in our lives? How is it that Justin Bieber can get thousands of fan(atics) to barrage a phone and Kanye can cause a person's social networking experience to crumble? Where do we draw the line between harmless online fun, and jeer-worthy groupthink? Please, please, please throw some comments below. I'd love to hear what you guys think!

Dear Islamophobes

It usually takes a tragic event to polarize people. Something crazy, even unbelievable, has to happen to sway people's opinions, or divide those opinions on an issue. That said, there hasn't been a more polarizing issue in the past decade than the attacks on September 11th. The events of that day sparked a war on two fronts, a deficit stemming from military overspending and an anti-American sentiment around the world. But the most ridiculous fallout from the attacks has less to do with feasible things, and more to do with an undertone that's hit a fever pitch over the past few weeks: Islamophobia.

In New York City, a few blocks away from Ground Zero, where the two towers were felled, a mosque is being planned for construction in the near future. Conservatives, fundamentals, and the cowardly all fall under the same banner when it comes to the construction: Islamophobes. You all have taken fear-mongering to new heights with your opposition to this mosque, and it all stems from anti-Islamic sentiment. I understand that the salty taste left in your mouth from 9/11 makes you want these mosque-builders to hightail it to the nearest cave. But wait a second.... Isn't this America? ...as in, the United States of America, the country whose foundation was built on a bedrock of religious tolerance. Weren't the first settlers coming here in search of religious freedom? That's what I thought! Hell, it's in our Constitution! Why now, are you guys going to try and take that freedom away from a perfectly legitimate entity? I'll tell you why: anger, fear and prejudice. By opposing the mosque, you've basically given credence to the idea of terrorism. The people who planned the 9/11 attacks scared you so much, that you automatically take the aspirations of any Islamic or Muslim individual with a grain of salt. You can't even see past the fact that the construction will feature a community and cultural center, complete with a pool, rec center and community outreach programs for a part of the city that's dying for an adrenaline shot. That's what the terrorists wanted! Fear!

It's not that you should forget the horrors that occurred on September 11th, 2001. It's that there shouldn't be any barriers to peaceful development. I'm tired of people believing that religion should make its way into politics. It certainly affects our political stances, but shouldn't be our litmus test for a person or entity's worth. If the good people at the Cordoba Institute (an advocacy group that promotes improved relations between Islam and the West) wants to build a mosque, let them rock!! Don't use fear-mongering and crocodile tears from 9/11 to push forward an agenda of religious intolerance. That's like going to a different country, destroying their infrastructure, killing their leaders and pushing your religion in their faces, under the guise of democracy. Oh wait... You guys did that too...

Dear Tweeple

Last year, I posted 9 rules for Twitter that stated little, unwritten by-laws for my tweeps that would keep their Twitter experiences as sucka-free as possible. That list was, by no means exhaustive, or exclusive, as we've got 8 more guidelines that will keep your timeline out of the netherworld. They're based on general findings on Twitter and seeing some annoying people polluting my timeline with their balderdash and hullabaloo (love those two words). Follow these, and if so led, follow me @elektrik788. Here goes nothing...

1. Quit tweeting like or re-tweeting Rev Run. Seriously, it's annoying. I understand that people are thirsty for inspiration, but come on... Does any other reverend that you know walk around talking about haters or making up random acronyms for hood terminology? If you find one, please nominate him for a Nobel Prize. Until then, just don't hit 'Tweet'. Imagine Twitter to be a bunch of tables in a lunch room. No one wants to talk to the guy that's walking around, spewing out inspirational quotes. As a matter of fact, people would probably laugh at him. It's not that uplifting dialogue is a bad thing. It's that most people say this stuff but don't live it. I'd rather have my timeline filled with mindless chatter than a sea of wanna-be Rev Runs. Especially when most of the tweets are about as trite and cliche as a summer of Brett Favre announcements.

2. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a rule for the sexes. Gentlemen, stop trying to bag women off Twitter. It's a social networking site, not eHarmony.com. Seriously. Just because you dedicated a #FollowFriday to her, and tweet all of her favorite songs, does not mean she will recognize you in real life or even find you attractive. As a matter of fact, unless you've actually met this person in real life, it would behoove you to NOT act like you're pulling chicks through your 140 characters. And for the ladies, this one is simple: don't be a skeezah over the internets. A few twitpics here and a few suggestive tweets there, and every male follower you have will have the wrong idea about you. It's not that you should be bashful about your sexuality or love of it. It's just that some things are better left un-tweeted, your underwear shots and bathroom pics included.

3. Allow yourself some Twitter-free time people. As much as I love to tweet my little heart out, there are times when I won't be caught dead doing it. At some point you have to run out of poignant or hilarious stuff to say, or you're just not doing anything interesting enough to tweet about. That's when you take a little break. Turn off Twidroyd (or whatever phone app you have), close the browser and go do something that doesn't involve you head buried in your lap as you type away furiously. Not only will it clear your mental registry, you'll remember why you started tweeting in the first place. Newsflash: People can tell when you're constantly on Twitter. Try spending some time away from technology, people.

4. Quit it with the follower rush. By that I mean stop talking about how many followers you have, why you don't have followers, just to name a few topics. Your Twitter isn't a personal vanity mirror for you to see how many people find you funny, cute or insightful, though it may seem that way sometimes. I'm not saying that followers aren't important. To get a message out and to make sure that people on Twitter hear it, you need followers. But followers are gained through saying things that resonate with other people, not desperate pleas for attention or using a #teamfollowback hashtag every 20 minutes. Trust me, no one on #teamfollowback cares what you have to say anyway. You might as well save yourself the tweet...

5. If you're a musician, designer, DJ, or creator of any type of media, don't tweet people with your work unsolicited. Plain as that. And that goes for your fans, too. Don't hit me and 30 other bloggers and 1000 other people you follow with a link to your mixtape, especially if you have no relationship with these folks other than being on Twitter. Not only does it look like you're desperate, but it makes your work look weaker because you have to push it so hard. Good work stands out regardless of how you find it. There's no need to flood my timeline with singles and videos and promo that myself and 95% of the people you send it to won't listen to. You'd be better off just working on your music, designing, DJing than hitting people on Twitter. Chances are, half the people who said they listened, didn't anyway. Also, doing that defeats the purpose of social networking. The key word there is 'networking'. Which chapter of the 'Idiot's Guide to Social Networking' includes pushing your product in people's faces and hoping for a response? I thought so. Build relationships on Twitter, not contact lists...

6. Learn the Twitter protocol, as in @-ing someone, re-tweeting and DMing. Yeah, this is nitpicky. Yet, how many times has a tweet been completely indecipherable because there are 5 different users in it, each re-tweeting with a different format? You might as well not even re-tweet, if the next person who sees it wonders if you and your homeboys have Twitter-dyslexia. I know I'm not the only one who's genuinely irked by seeing sloppy mentions and re-tweets. That goes for @-ing people, too. If the dialogue takes up 4 or more tweets, and is more than public in nature, just DM the person. Or better yet, e-mail, text, IM, Wave, Facebook, or even call the person. Twitter is for short messages and terse conversation, not full-on catching up.

7. I said this in the last post to you, Tweeps, but this is really irking me. People, 1f YuH tYp3 LyK3 DiSz, 1 WiLl uNf0110wH YuH... It's as simple as that. There's nothing cute or cool about misspelling words on purpose. Some terminology needs to be either abbreviated or adjusted for spatial reasons, and other terminology just doesn't lend itself to typing. Making exceptions for those is cool. However, turning your tweet into a mashup of Matrix code, hood ratchetness, and a Rosetta Stone lesson is about as cool as putting rims on a minivan. Not only do you look stupid, everyone riding in that van (retweeting; if anyone does it) looks retarded too. People wonder why literature and writing are going down the shitter. Just one look at Twitter, and we know why. Just because it's the internets, does not mean grammar, spelling, diction, and punctuation go out the window...

8. One of the best parts when I began was the trending topics. At any given point in the day there was a topic or hashtag worth tweeting about. The topics ranged from anything to sports, everyday life, music, or what have you. Now all of the topics are relationship ones, usually bashing the opposite sex. It's either that, or rehashed versions of older topics. It's not that I have a problem with new tweeps getting their try at the #TT's. It's that most of the heads 'going in' on these topics have been going in on them for months now. Give it a rest. We know you don't like hoes. We know you love sex. We know you're pro-Obama on everything and #cantstand a horde of things. Doesn't mean we have to hear about it every day, with a different hashtag attached to it...

9. Point blank, most celebrities have Twitter for one reason, and one reason alone: promotion. If you can't help them with that, aren't one of their personal friends, or don't have anything constructive to say to them, please stop tweeting them as if you were such. These people wouldn't recognize you in a police lineup or walking down the street. What makes you think that they care about your tweets more than the next user? Yeah, that's negative. Yeah, it's sad. But it's true. As a matter of fact, if you keep hitting them up and they don't respon, what does that say about you? Maybe you should focus on having something of worth to tweet about rather than sucking at the kneecaps of Ashton Kutcher and Diddy...

There you have it, tweeps. Another year, and another list of things that will get you unfollowed. Don't take some of these grievances personally, because we're all guilty of them at some point. It's just that some tweeps take them overboard, while others are only momentarily guilty. Take heed, so you don't get labeled 'that guy' on Twitter...

Dear Delusional Cavaliers Fans

The LeBron-athon, and it's subsequent wake is OVER. Let me repeat. The LeBron-athon is OVER. LeBron James is a Miami Heat (they need to work on their subject-verb agreement in the NBA), and is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier. It's over. Cavs fans, it's time you started preparing for a new season without he-who-shall-not-be-named-anymore. The fact that a man can't show up at a Cleveland Indians game (a completely different sport, mind you) donning a different jersey without catching shade is a terrible. You should feel ashamed for trying to kick the guy out of the stadium, when he wasn't even trying to start trouble. Whatever the case from some random Indians game (they're not making the playoffs anyway), it stands to say that you guys still haven't recovered from the LeBron fallout. Mo Williams is going to be your best player going into the season. I don't know whether to feel bad for this season or really good because you'll have a good lottery pick this season. All signs are pointing to a long, long, long season in Cleveland, which makes your anger understandable. What that doesn't do is allow you guys to turn into the stereotypical sports fans you look like in these videos. A guy really can't wear a LeBron Heat jersey to a baseball game without being harassed? It's not even the same sport!!! I could see the ire if he showed up for Cavs opening night decked out in heat gear. Otherwise it just comes off as petty. You mad? (Cam'ron voice) If so, you'd better get used to frustration coming from the basketball court, because it's not going away until you get the #1 pick again. And guess what? No amount of peanuts and beers thrown, LeBron jerseys burned or angry open letters will ever get LeBron James back. He's moved on to bigger and (hopefully) better things. Deal with it, and just watch the damn game...

Dear Lupe Fiasco

You hear that, Lupe? The industry called.. It wants to know when you're handing your manhood over...


Lupe Fiasco - BMF (Building Minds Faster)

Let me get this off my chest first Lupe: That BMF freestyle was WEAK!!! Now that we've gotten that out of the way, here goes:

It's a sad day in music when a person has to finally admit that their favorite artist, contrary to popular belief, CAN do some wrong. Lupe, You've been my favorite rapper for the latter half of the decade, replacing whatever crap I was listening to previously. For those years of fanhood, I've had to sit through countless hip-hop arguments with people who thought you were lame, convoluted, whiny, overrated, too nerdy, not hood enough, and whatever other knocks they could find on you. For those years of fanhood, I toiled scouring lyrics and songs for instances that you shined. For every Weezy punchline, I had an entire verse that trumped it. For every Jay-Z song that became an earworm, I had a track bumped harder. Yet, for every album you released, I had a complaint. Yes, a complaint, Lu. You see, for an artist as talented as yourself, there always has to be a catch, and with that catch, a complaint from fans:

Your first album, while good, was NOTHING compared to the original, leaked version. From beginning (Theme Music to a Drive-by is one of the best intro's I've ever heard) through the middle ('Trials & Tribulations' and 'Real Recognize Real' still are in rotation) to the end, the ORIGINAL Food and Liquor was damn near a classic. Pulling it, then re-releasing it with wacker versions of original songs and throwaway tracks was a mistake. Your second album 'Lupe Fiasco's The Cool' was also good, but was riddled with tracks that probably should've been B-sides rather than album cuts. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't bump both of them into the ground due to my immense fanhood, but 3 years without a release makes for a rough time as a fan.

It is now 2010, three years since a Lupe Fiasco album, and 6 months since an official Lupe Fiasco mixtape. In today's industry, and to today's fan, that's entirely too long. Your name is out of the loop, people forget about you, and then give you the 'huh?' look when you claim you're the best. As much as it sucks to admit, promotion is EVERYTHING, and you've been lacking in that department for a while now. Now that Lasers is supposedly done, and you're being held from releasing it by Atlantic, you want to whine and complain about label woes and how their not pushing it for you. Lupe, you've got to remember that the industry owes you NOTHING!!! You hear that? NOTHING. The amount of artists who've had their careers chewed up and spat out within the course of a few months is constantly rising. And here you are, signed to a major labor, sporting a large and dedicated fanbase, getting mad because your stuff gets leaked and the label won't do anything about it? Lupe, grow up!

You ever take note of Wayne or Gucci when they went to jail?? No one really missed their presence in hip-hop because they constantly have stuff coming out, whether it's throwaway tracks, mixtape features, or just mixtapes in general. Lupe, in the last year, I think I've heard a total of 10 tracks from you. That's sad. No artist can put out less than a track per month and expect a label to be behind them (except Jay Electronica). Lu, going back to the fans (myself being one of them), there's been a #WeWantLASERS trending topic and petition on Twitter for about a week. Is it just me, or does it look like these fans are going to be tweeting and petitioning for naught? I know you'd like to say no, just so it sounds like you're trying, but we know that the Lupe we love on wax may never find his way back. It's not that you've lost your talent. It's that you got caught up in trying not to be 'the Cool' and stopped putting out what made you in the first place: the music. It's not enough to just sit there complaining about what people aren't doing for you or are doing to you. If you don't try to overcome it by doing what you do best, they win; labels, leakers et. al. Please Lupe, put us fans out of our misery and put out music that's worthy of your imprint, not random freestyles complaining about why you've got no buzz. If you're ever going to 'blow' you'll need a lot more than a subpar freestyle to a Rick Ross track...

Greetings From: London, UK

Maybe a river of chocolate is possible...

via The New York Times:

To some, he is a real-life Willy Wonka. To others, he is a Bond-style villain bent on taking over the world’s supply of chocolate. In a stroke, a hedge fund manager here named Anthony Ward has all but cornered the market in cocoa. By one estimate, he has bought enough to make more than five billion chocolate bars. Chocolate lovers here are crying into their Cadbury wrappers — and rival traders are crying foul, saying Mr. Ward is stockpiling cocoa in a bid to drive up already high prices so he can sell later at a big profit. His activities have helped drive cocoa prices on the London market to a 30-year high.

Mr. Ward, 50, is not some rabid chocoholic, former employees say. He simply has a head for cocoa. And, through his private investment firm, Armajaro, he now controls a cache equal to 7 percent of annual cocoa production worldwide, a big enough chunk to sway prices.

“Globally, he is unmatched in his knowledge of cocoa,” said Tim Spencer, a former Armajaro executive.

Armajaro maintains offices in West Africa, helping Mr. Ward keep tabs on major cocoa crops. “We even have our own weather stations — our very own that no one else has in some parts of the world,” Mr. Ward, soft-spoken and tan, said in a video interview this year with a financial news service. Now, traders here are buzzing that Mr. Ward has placed an audacious $1 billion bet in the London market for cocoa futures. This month, he bought 241,100 metric tons of beans, they say. His play has some people up in arms. While some see it as a simple bet that cocoa prices will rise on falling supply, others say Mr. Ward has created a shortage of cocoa simply to drive up the price himself.

Greetings from London, England, where a local entrepreneur has apparently rediscovered his love for the children's story, 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'. Anthony Ward has bought over $1 billion worth of cocoa beans from Africa, virtually turning the chocolate industry into his industry. On the London market, his purchase has raised the price of chocolates to a 30-year high. My question is, how much chocolate is he going to buy before he realizes one of two things?:

A) People like chocolate, but not enough to pay ridiculous prices for it. As people's wallets shrink, so do their appetites for luxury products and non-essential food items like (you guessed it) chocolate. He's probably not going to be able to sell it for another 10 years.

or

B) Candy producers have entire regions dedicated to cocoa production. In fact, England doesn't have so much as a foothold in the chocolate industry, as say Italy or France. His acquisition is meaningless unless he has a producer handcuffed already. Looks like he's just going to be sitting on chocolate...

Is this what the recession has brought people to? Making binge investments and trying to buy up the market in the hopes that one day they can sell it off? Obviously, we've yet to see what the investments will hold for the future, but there have got to be more lucrative industries out there. I suppose that's what happens when your country's infrastructure is failing and your government is fighting itself: you buy chocolate and hope for the best. On that note, I'm going to get back to my Everlasting Gobstopper. Word to Gene Wilder...

Dear Bill Nye

Why is it that when a supposedly foolproof solution comes about, even the most elementary of minds can figure out why that solution sucks? British Petroleum has been loafing hard at work trying to find a way to stop the massive oil leak that threatens to destroy the Gulf of Mexico. 87 days and 178 million barrels of oil later, they've finally figured out a way to stop the oil from flowing: a cap. A freaking cap! Something to put over the top of the leak to stop it from leaking... That's the best BP can do? Apparently not, because immediately after hearing of this solution, CNN brought you, Bill Nye, in to discuss the situation.

Bill, you've long been a premier authority on science, in my book. Any person that can explain Newton's Laws to 4th graders or the extended water cycle to 2nd graders has to be a genius. Your show added to the plethora of stimuli that made me into the knowledge-sucking nerd I am today. It probably still would be if PBS wasn't so bent on replacing real education with furry anthropomorphic creatures who speak in babbles. I guess it's only right that CNN bring you in to simplify the 'cap solution' for its viewers. The only problem is how easily you refuted the solution... using a water bottle, a long tube and a flat piece of rock nonetheless. Bill, it's incredible how something that scientists and engineers and marine biologists and oil tycoons agreed on, can be disproved so easily. The worst part is, you did it in that trademark Bill Nye voice, enthralling and captivating me completely. I shouldn't be so excited about the potential downfall of BP's cap solution, but you've got to admit that they probably feel really silly, especially after watching this. Maybe for the next environmental disaster, or geological phenomenon, or catastrophic happening, you should be the one headlining the search for answers. You probably have more knowledge in your theme song than BP has in its entire organization...

Dear BART Police

Why is it that the justice system tends to work against those it was designed to protect? Or better yet, since when are a taser and a handgun so similar, that one can be mistaken for the other? These are both questions begging to be answered as we reel in the aftermath of the Oscar Grant murder trial. Grant was shot in the back during an altercation with your kind, brutal police, after being accosted for a fight on San Francisco's BART. Now, from the video, it would seem as if this incident didn't occur during the wee hours of the night. In fact, if it wasn't clearly at night, I'd be sure it was around 3 PM when kids were getting out of school. That said, wouldn't it be smarter to not engage in unwarranted police violence elsewhere? As a matter of fact, wouldn't it have been smarter to just accost the young men and make your way to the squad car, rather than play the scene out for much longer? #imjustsaying

You see, in this day and age, where everything except the cameras themselves have cameras, it's not smart to say or do anything that you don't want 500,000 Youtube hits for. Officer Mehserle seemed more like he was putting on a show than attempting an arrest. That's right... a TV show. A new episode of Police vs. N*ggers. Next week Mel Gibson might make an appearance. Jokes aside, Office Mehserle did what he did. He shot a young man in the back for a fact that we will never know. What we do know is that he was charged with involuntary manslaughter. How is that possible? Involuntary manslaughter means that that the killer acted without malicious intent, yet it's inherently impossible to uncover one's intent after the fact. Also, lack of intent isn't synonymous with lack of malice. Office Mehserle could have been intensely malicious in his act, without intending to kill Grant. Therein lies the problem with police today: for those who are supposed to be enforcing the law, too many times they're asked to be interpreters of the law and bastions of morality.

Neither of those titles should be apt when dealing with police. You guys are usually so muddled in the wrong things that when an opportunity to do right arises, you're too busy watching your colleague shoot a kid in the back. Just imagine, all of this could have been avoided had you trained Mehserle not to confuse his taser and handgun. BART Police, I'm not from the Bay Area, nor will I be, but I (along with any sentient being over 18) can tell when an act has gone too far. Officer Mehserle got off easy and you know it. Had the shots gone the other way, Lord knows Oscar Grant would be losing his life in prison rather than at the hands of a dumbfounded policeman...

The Next Basketball Phenom

I thought it would be only right to post this considering we're witnessing the advent of one former phenom into the limelight. Then again, you have to admit that it's a bit sick how society, or sporting society, is weeding out the prodigies at younger and younger ages. Dakota Simms is only 9 years old, yet is being looked at for college basketball already. He's ridiculously talented for his age, but does that mean we should start to sap the fun out of his livelihood and start surrounding him with people who only care about him because of a gift? Dakota looks like he would love nothing more than to shoot around and dribble all day. The business side of sports should have no business in his business at this point. At the same time, it's still exciting to see what the future of the sport of basketball holds. I'm thinking a 7-year $500 million deal in 2025. Something tells me Dakota and the young man below will be seeing a lot of each other down the road. Check out both of the next to be next up in basketball...

Dear Officer Carey (re: Sean Bell shooting)

via The Gothamist:

A police officer involved in the 2006 shooting of Sean Bell, the Queens man who was killed in a barrage of police bullets hours before his wedding, is now suing Bell's estate. The Post reports, "Police Officer Michael Carey's lawsuit says Bell was boozed-up when he got behind the wheel of the car after his bachelor party on Nov. 25, 2006, and also claims the doomed groom failed to wear glasses or contact lenses despite having poor eyesight."

According to the suit, "[Officer Carey] suffered serious leg injury when [Bell] crashed into the vehicle he was riding in before Officer Carey ever drew his gun and fired a shot." The lawsuit is part of a federal counter-claim "in response to a wrongful-death lawsuit being pursued by Bell's fiancée, Nicole Paultre Bell, against him and the other four cops involved." (The cops were acquitted in 2008 bench trial.) Earlier this month, Carey's lawyer argued that his client should not be part of the wrongful-death lawsuit because Carey, who fired three bullets at one of Bell's friends, believed he and other police officers were in danger.

When one gets cleared of a crime, ala OJ Simpson in 1995 or Snoop Dogg in 1993, it's natural for them to lay low for a while; to keep their noses clean and not to make too much noise on the scene. The person basks in their newfound freedom and disappears, perhaps trying to piece their life back together after months, maybe years, of damage. Yet, for some people, getting off scot-free just isn't enough. I suppose that's your case, Officer Carey. You and two of your pigs comrades shot and killed a man (not even a black man, in case you want to call BS on the race card), and injured his friends, all of whom were unarmed. You claimed self-defense when he ran into your car with his while you were shooting him. Then, when put on trial, you get off on all cases without so much as a hiccup in the trial. To me, that would be a gift: to knowingly end another person's life and to not have to be accountable for it. I would just walk away and not even question what happened until I'd cleared my head.

You, on the other hand, aren't satisfied with just getting off on the murder wrap. You'd rather pour salt, lemon juice and 100-proof vodka into a gaping wound by essentially opening up the case again. Why are you now counter-suing for an injury you received 4 years ago? The man you were 'accosting' on November 25, 2006 is DEAD. He no longer lives. His family, friends and fiancée all live with the fact that you took his life from him, and took him from them. And now, you want their money too? Your leg is going to heal, if it hasn't already!! What about Sean Bell's life? You can patch up a leg. You can't breathe life back into someone. Officer Carey, I'm not sure if you're remotely remorseful about what you and those other cops did, but it sure doesn't look like it. For that, you ought to be ashamed. And the NYPD that you work for should be just as ashamed for harboring people like you. It's as if you don't want to put the case to rest, or better yet you can't. Whatever the case, let me take off my conspiracy theorist hat. We all know what you did was wrong. Apparently you didn't and think you should be compensated for taking a life. Way to protect and serve...