Dear Cuffing Season
BAGGGGGGGGGED IT...
What's up people? I haven't written a 'general' letter in... let's just say a while (check my college posts). By general letter, I mean a letter directed at an entire population. They're more advice and my take on things happening in my world and probably your world too. This one is dedicated to the time of year we call 'cuffing season'. Yes that's right. Everyone's ready to get their spring fever on, but we've got to lay some laws down so that there isn't an Icelandic ash cloud's worth of drama and BS to deal with by the time September rolls around...
1. First of all, I don't think any specific season should be 'cuffing season' or whatever you want to call it. Pimpmanship doesn't have an offseason, and neither should you. The people that talk about there being a cuffing season are either adding new prospects to their roster at an exponential rate (means you're getting a lot of fringe prospects) or not getting any action at all. That doesn't bode well for people like me, interested in being the happy middle ground, rather than a gross deviation. Regardless, keep your eyes open at all times, not just spring. You'll see more people that catch your eye and will be better off discerning what you want and don't, which brings me to the second point.
2. If you do subscribe to the idea of a season for cuffing, more power to you. That said, you shouldn't jump in headfirst or hit the ground running for your springtime exploits. Nothing is worse than an overly thirsty person who is overly excited to bag something up for the spring. Not only will any potential targets see that, and run for the hills, you'll probably end up going for someone that you won't be too happy with after the summer winds down. Like Fat Joe says, 'Slow down, son, you're killin em.' No seriously, doing too much in the romantic realm never does the trick. Cuffing season is no different.
3. This one is more directed at the ladies, though dudes can take heed as well. The springtime and its beautiful weather is no time to start flaunting all the curves that only darkness should touch. Seriously. Yeah, you've been in the gym all winter, getting your beach body ready and shaving off those extra pounds from all those late night 7-11 runs and extra handles of (insert liquor). That isn't a green light to come outside with two bandaids and a cork screw covering your essentials. No one likes seeing more than they need to. Take a hint. There's a difference between being sexy for spring and having too much confidence for too few clothes. It'll make you more attractive in the long run if you're beauty is conservatively veiled rather than a buffet platter at a $5 Chinese place.
4. Going off #3, keep what you do have tight and fresh. Upgrade your wardrobe, try out a new haircut, a new style or something. Also, keep yourself well groomed and hygienic. There's nothing worse than a person who doesn't know how to take care of themselves during the hotter months. Follicular and epidermal faux pas tend to happen and stick out more during the summer because the heat amplified EVERYTHING. Body odor will increase tenfold. Hair will turn into Brillo (for black people, at least). Clothes and skin will change color because of the sun hitting them. People have breathing problems due to the humidity. Whatever the bane of your physical appearance, take strides to keep them under control, so that they don't control your summer.
5. Now that you're all primped up and fresh out the box (whatever phrase you wanna use), make sure you don't go around thinking because it's 'cuffing season' you can talk to the opposite sex any old type of way. Just because the weather is nice, doesn't mean you can't be. Lose the lame lines, 'swagger' talk, and braggodocious thoughts for some respect, actual conversation and getting to know the person. Sure, you won't be knocking boots down all summer, but it's better than finding out in August that the person didn't even find you remotely interesting, much less that it wasn't their real name. Think chivalry and charm rather than game and G. Those do the trick much better in the long run and, if done right, can have just as many joints knocking at your door by summer's end. They'll probably be a lot more worth your time too.
6. Would you, as a Roman gladiator (or Zulu warrior, or whatever) run up into battle without your armor? I hope not, because you would be the first dead on Spartacus. The point is, any dirt you do end up doing, be safe. Use protection and keep your warrior out of harm's way. Point. Blank. Period.
7. Take advantage of all of the resources available in your city, town, municipality, principality, fief or what have you. Spring and summer are notorious for shenanigans and events popping off EVERYWHERE. Not only do random concerts, jam sessions, festivals, carnivals, parades, etc., make for great outdoor fun, they are cheap as hell when thinking about an activity to do with a summer significant other. I know too many heads who break their personal banks when it comes to dating. Do yourself a favor, and do some research. You'll probably have a better time, and so will your wallet.
8. Remember to have fun!! Courtship, flirting and all variants are more about the journey than the destination. No significant other is above getting dropped to the curb if another is pulling their weight better. As it stands, people take their romantic lives too seriously at our age. If you're under 25, CHILL. We've got the rest of our lives to find soulmates. Might as well enjoy the weather while you're searching...
There you have it people. 8 rules that'll have you cuffed and booed up in no time, if you want, that is. Even if you don't believe in cuffing season, by no means should you take my word for proof. Get outside, find a spot to post up, grab an icee from the Mr. Softee truck and try your luck with the opposite sex. If you don't end up cuffin, at least you'll have had a good time trying...
Had this song in mind the entire time I was writing the post. Only seems fit for the summer...