Dear Lil' B (re: 'I'm Gay')

Upon reading my last post, I think I raised too many questions and didn't answer enough for myself. I suppose the post was more a rant and forum for discussion, as opposed to some declaration of my stance on homosexuality. Either way, the post got me to thinking: what if a rapper was, indeed, gay? What if an MC decided to shake up the whole world by coming out of the closet? What if everyone's favorite Based God decided to ummm... I don't know... name his album 'I'm Gay'? It turns out I don't have to dream or wonder about such a hypothetical situation anymore, seeing as you, Lil' B the Based God have announced that your new album will be called 'I'm Gay'.



Now, Lil' B, I've had an interesting relationship with your basedness. While saying 'swag' and 'based' and doing your 'Cooking' dance in complete jest, I've come to realize that your movement is less about the music, the 'swag' and the utter nonsense, as it is about the fervent feeling of fanaticism that your Based movement brings. Throngs of skinny jean-clad onlookers chant your lyrics, and encourage you to engage in coitus with their significant others not because they actually consider you a god, but because you give them a deity-like entity to feel attached to. In the same way that Hendrix and the Beatles had fanatics, so do you. I respect that. I respect your undying devotion to self-promotion and making music. While I may debate your own musical aptitude (some of your music sounds like you were smoking the best base while recording), I can never question your love of music, with allusions to Theophilus London among other acclaimed musical personalities. Now that your fame has reached a fever pitch among the underground, what better way to put your name on the front of everyone's watch list than to proclaim your 'gayness' on wax?

Most people reacted to the title with a resounding 'huh?', which then switched to

A) ridicule at the notion that the Based God, whose sole purpose on the planet is to f*ck your b*tch, would effectively proclaim his love of his own sex

OR

B) praise because of how 'bold' a statement calling your album that is, and how you're changing the game, one homosexual at a time...

My take, Lil' B? You're as straight as an arrow. I'm almost 99% sure about that, sans the Tupac nose ring. That said, you calling your album that is exactly what you said: an indictment on the power that words have over us. You claimed that definitions don't mean anything, ironically. Words can make the tallest mountain look like a molehill, and in your case, they will make what would probably have been a frisbee of an album into platinum. Nothing more, nothing less. You being 'gay' is as much a promotional tool as it is a statement of how obsessed hip-hop is with sexuality. That we all are talking about it as a function of sexuality proves that point. And when your gay album does come to pass, I have little doubt in my mind that it will be the same Based God that we've gotten used to, complete with indecipherable lyrics, monotonous profanity and reasons as to why hoes are staid upon your d*ck. And I have even less doubt that you will be gayer (happy gay) than the apparel we don while singing "Fa-la-la-la-LAAA-La-la-la-la" after your gay album drops. You will have successfully pulled a marketing scheme out of your rear end, while simultaneously arousing the attention of GLAAD and chuckling because Kobe Bryant won't be able to mutter gay slurs. Kudos, Lil' B. #SWAG