Dear Elin Woods

People wonder why heads used to swear by Eddie Murphy. It's comedy, but it's true...

via The New York Daily News:

It's a high price for silence. Wronged wife Elin Nordegren is trying to club an eye-popping $750 million out of Tiger Woods in their divorce negotiations, according to reports Friday. Woods hasn't agreed yet, but if he does he wants total silence from his soon-to-be ex about the collapse of their marriage - forever, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.

Nordegren has so far said no to signing a lifetime "confidentiality clause" that would prevent her from writing a book or doing any interviews about the split. She reportedly also wants full custody of their two kids even though it was first thought the couple were going to agree to joint custody.

DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against the institution of marriage or the process of divorce, nor am I a woman-hater, as my last post on a broken relationship may have dictated (word to Chris & Rihanna). Please, please, please do not take this post as anything more than it is: an opinion on a ridiculous situation, between people who probably should have never been married. Had the chips fallen in the opposite direction, we would have less of an outrage over it, much less be so divided over the issue. Just read, and enjoy; maybe even laugh at some of the jokes...

Marriage is a mixed bag for 45% of the population. There are ups and downs and everyday has a different struggle, no matter how much the pair love each other. 5% of marriages are damn near perfect, because the people are genuinely matched for one another. That other 50%, end in divorce. Elin, you and Tiger Woods are (or soon will be) part of that 50%. That's not to say that you didn't love each other dearly at some point. It just means that at another point (when the sh*t hit the fan in regards to Tiger's infidelity), you had your differences, which is completely understandable. Honestly, I believe that while Western society is patriarchal on the books and financially, it is slowly becoming matrifocal on the fringes. Women have always been seen as inferior outside of the domestic realm, and the courts prove that in their rulings regarding child custody and alimony. Elin, you were cheated on, repeatedly and in varying degrees and capacities. You deserve a rectifying force in your life to cover the pain, hurt, and embarrassment that this scandal caused you, as well as your family and your kids; just not $750 million worth of rectification. As a matter of fact, you don't deserve even half of that.

In my eyes, Tiger was dead wrong for what he did. However, there is no nuptial mistake worth 3/4 of a billion dollars. You neither helped Tiger acquire any of that money, nor were you a staid presence in his life when he signed those multi-million contracts. You simply hitched on when he fell for you. I could see your point if, at some time Eldrick Woods was a destitute aspiring golfer, and you aided him in building his empire. Hell, I could see your point if you were in any of the commercials or golf tournaments or appearances that made Tiger his fortune. Neither of those are remotely the case.

You see, Elin, your actions after Tiger's infidelity came to the light are fishy to me. After Tiger took his indefinite leave of absence to 'fix his marriage,' you stood by him like a good wife. I didn't agree with it, but I commended it, citing how forgiving you were. Now that Tiger's shown a lot of rust on the links and half of his endorsement deals are dissolved, you want to head for the hills with a $750 million bank. That doesn't seem kosher to me. If you were that salty about Tiger's cheating, wouldn't you have dropped his Blasian behind from the moment that voicemail hit the streets? If his cheating was that egregious, why would you stand by him at a press conference and support him while the media firestorm ate him alive? Why the sudden change of heart? My guess is that you definitely knew about him cheating, but kept it hush and turned the other way because it was convenient. Why rock the boat when you can still be eating in the captain's quarters? I feel like you read 'Golddigging for Dummies' and the light bulb started gleaming in your head. Note, I'm not saying Tiger's actions are right, but it's like you're kicking the man when he's already down, more so than trying to recoup for your 'pain and suffering'. Shouldn't any money you receive from the divorce be solely for the children's welfare? I'm no divorce judge, but that seems like the fairest route for the proceeding. Like I said before, the society we live in has become matrifocal almost to a fault. It's as if we expect men to screw up, so we overcompensate by giving reward where it's undue. Elin, it's not that I think Tiger didn't make a mistake. It just wasn't a $750 million mistake, and you know it...

These guys need to write the manual on prenuptial agreements...

Dear Tiger Woods

Okay, Tiger... I'm actually sick of writing about you and wish that some other athlete or personality would do something newsworthy. Regardless, as I turned on my television this morning to ESPN (as usual), I was met with the usual talk about you and your career and its downfall. After all of this, I have one thing to say:

WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING!?!?!?

Tiger do you realize how bad the media made you look? If so, you should realize that by apologizing on national television and making such a big deal about it, you're playing right into the media's hands. I find it funny that you felt the need to do this considering the amount of infidelity that runs rampant among celebrities, entertainers, athletes and politicians. John Edwards had a lovechild that he denied for a year. Lil' Wayne has about 6 baby mothers that we actually know of. Yet and still, no one is asking them to apologize. You've essentially put yourself in a position, where if you don't do well at golf when you come back, your career is over, no matter how much you apologize. You've been painted a cheater and homewrecker and a person of bad moral character in the court of public opinion. In fact, I think if you had just kept silent, and popped up at the next major tournament on the PGA Tour, it would be a lot more powerful than you up at a podium reciting a written apology. It's a sad state in the world where groupies can bring down the most pristine of stars, yet people who do just as much wrong go unnoticed. Tiger, go hit the ball and love your business partner wife. Lord knows she's waiting for another groupie to step to you so she can collect that next check...

Dear Tiger Woods

via TigerWoods.com:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.


Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.


But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.


Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it's difficult.


I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, well spoken (or typed). For the longest time, you've been more than just an athlete. From the stance of a young African-American male, the situation you are in is like realizing that there is, indeed, such a thing as racial profiling. It's actually damn near heartbreaking. Tiger, you were the one black athlete that transcended every single stereotype placed on the collective backs of black athletes. Squeaky clean and wholesome from your explosion onto the golf scene, it was as if you were the Golden Child. You were Stanford graduate, the 'Great Black Hype' that would go above the golf world. And up until about two weeks ago, that status was pristine.

Enter the meddling eyes of the media and that image is gone, at some fault of your own and through the media. In this day and age, as a celebrity, you can't frolic outside of your marriage and expect to not be caught. There are cameras EVERYWHERE and people just waiting to make their big break as a result of your downfall. Make no mistake, the blame starts with you, and will end with you. However, at some point, we have to draw the line as to what is acceptable media. Your statement is correct in asserting that personal and family problems should never be at the forefront of the media. I know, for a fact, that if your name was Terrell Woods, this situation would have been nothing more than an episode of Cheaters. We would have probably seen a funny picture of a beat up man on Digg, had our laughs and kept it moving. Therein lies the problem: You are Tiger Woods.

When you step outside of your home, you are automatically at the hands, whims and scrutiny of the media, no matter how much you want to shield yourself. Part of me wonders how long you've kept up this image up in front of an unfaithful marriage, but I suppose that's moot at this point. You know in your heart that what happened was of your own volition, and the media just is playing the opportunist. Whether violence was a part of the situation is something we may never know, but the metaphorical scars have already been left on your career and image. That being said, you may never get back to that level of media trust, but your biggest weapon is the same one you were supposedly beat up with: the golf club. When you get your life straightened out, you better come back to the PGA with a vengeance. Just as they said Kobe Bryant was playing for his freedom when he was on trial, you will be too. Hit the links and make them remember WHY you were golf's poster child, rather than try to defend your personal decisions. We all know athletes cheat, but at the end of the day, if they are winning, what can the media really say??