Dear MC Hammer
You know how you know you're getting old? When you see performers, artists and actors from your earlier days making fools of themselves today, and wonder 'where did it all go wrong?' Today is such a day for you MC Hammer. Now, I don't particularly understand what your gripe with Jigga is. What he said in that line from Kanye's 'So Appalled' was completely true, and you know it.
“Hammer went broke, so you know I’m more focused/I lost 30 mil’, so I spent another 30/’Cause unlike Hammer, 30 million can’t hurt me,No, it's not nice to kick a man when he's down, nor is it in good taste to discuss another man's money. But come on, Hammer. You know that at least one point in the past 15 years you've said to yourself: 'Where did all that motherf*ckin' money go?' And thanks to modern accounting and banking, you now know exactly where you went wrong in your monetary decisions. It's great that you've put that era behind you and begun to seek new things in your life.
That said, Hammer, making diss videos towards Jay isn't going to cure your hungry pockets. It's all well and good that you're making an attempt to resurrect your career, but you've showed up late to an entire revolution of technology and social media. Times have changed, Hammer. Diss tracks are like assholes now. Everyone puts them out as feeble attempts to gain notoriety, in the 50 Cent mold. And sadly, Hammer, you're no different. Diss track aside, the fact that you put out a music video to go with it is beyond laughable. Seriously, man. Who dances for a diss track? Didn't we leave that alone in the 80s (well before you were popping onto the scene)? Also, what did the little boardroom meeting have to do with anything? You know the last time you had a corporate meeting that meant anything, it was your contract release meeting. Add to that, the song sucks. I know it. You know it. The American people know it.
Hammer, this isn't the way to get your celebrity back. You do know that Jay-Z won't even regale this with a response? If anything he'll toss another (singular) bar at you and probably have the internets going nuts with laughter. No, Hammer, it's not that your musical contributions have been forgotten. It's just that you're choosing to take on a titan of hip-hop, when you've clearly been downgraded to a mere mortal. Why not take the Rev Run route and get a reality TV show or something? I'm sure it'll have more shelf life and profit coming out of it than this sorry video...
