Dear B.o.B. (re: 'No Future')

Attaway, Bobby Ray!! Point 'em out!!!


B.o.B. - No Future

BEEF is such a watered down version of what it used to be. Gone are the days when rappers would get at each other on their own tracks, like Canibus on LL's '4,3,2,1'. No longer are funny looking caricatures and long monologues using names utilized like 50 Cent in his all-front assault on Ja Rule in 2003. Rappers nowadays may devote passing lines to rivals and keep it moving. Such is the case today Bobby Ray. I woke up this morning to a new track from you entitled 'No Future', and gave it a cursory listen, as I do most music that enters my periphery. Immediately, I heard a B.o.B. that I hadn't heard in years. You sounded angry. You sounded vicious. You sounded like someone had insulted your mother, or better yet you. Then I remembered the OFWGKTA frontman Tyler's track 'Yonkers' where he famously said:

I'll crash that f*cking Airplane that f*ggot nigga B.o.B. was in

Ahhhh! Now the 'No Future' title makes sense. But then I thought more about it and realized that your retort, while lyrically dope, was reminiscent of why rap beef today is so lame. There were no names, there were no personal attacks... Just vague indicators of the nameless foe you were attacking... whom everyone already knew. That said Bobby (and any other rapper that wants to clap back), make sure you make your diss tracks clear. Seriously... It's like handing in an exam without a name on it. You might have aced it, but no one's going to know who it is for. The teacher could use elimination to decipher who it is, but the thought that a kid so smart could forget to write his name almost erases the good grade, in terms of common sense.

I'll say it again, Bobby. The track was kind of hot. You dropped that sing-songy 'I'm trying to be Eminem and talk about obstacles I've overcome' flow, and RAPPED. Too bad it was undirected and vague. If we were keeping score, Tyler would be up 10 with 2 minutes left in the 4th quarter, and I'm the furthest from an Odd Future fan. I just respect when a rapper has the cojones to put a name out there and stand by it. Hell, I'd rather you not even throw out a diss track if you were going to keep the adversary anonymous. Take a hint, Bobby. The next time someone disses you (and Tyler has since backed away from his comments), take one of two routes: Either A) Pull a 50 and call your rival out like a man, or B) Pull a Jay-Z and don't even regale the comment. Hip-hop was never about sitting on fences. Either you hop over and give your neighbor a piece of your mind, or stay on your side, lament about how his grass is greener and look up at the Airplanes...

Dear Phonte & 9th Wonder

When one's friendship stops taking precedence in lieu of business, other relationships or simple personal preference, maybe it's time to take a step back and realize what caused the friendship to hit the rocks in the first place. That's when what used to be the best of friends can turn not into enemies, but strangers. They know and love one another, but won't talk for fear of alienating one another even further. They'd rather split amicably than risk destroying the friendship. Phonte and 9th Wonder, it's a blessing in disguise that you guys were able to thrive alone for a while before reconciling.

Both of you had some growing to do, obviously, before you could come to this point. I'm not sure about the personal growth that you underwent, but professionally you both have carved out nice little niches for yourself. 9th, you've become one of the most heralded producers of the past decade, and Phonte, you've been as consistent an MC as we've seen in the game. I love that you both were quick to denounce any rumors of new Little Brother work, because your friendship rekindling doesn't mean you're automatically going to click musically. In fact, I wouldn't expect you guys to work on anything at all. While it's excruciating as a music fan, as an overall admirer of healthy friendships, it's heartwarming. Your reconciliation is oddly inspiring me to reach out to some old friends. You said it best, Phonte... Maybe 2 plates of food and a long conversation is all people need to resolve their differences.

The song speaks truth...

Dear Lil' Kim

Rap beef is pretty much played out... There, I said it. At this point in hip-hop, most rap beefs aren't based on anything other than hot air, hearsay and rappers' vanity. Back in the day, there seemed to be some substance behind the conflicts in hip-hop, whether it was turf wars, gang-related, or actual name calling. Nowadays, if you say the wrong word on wax or make reference to someone's past (coughcoughMCHammercoughcough), a diss track is coming your way. Such is the case with your latest offering Kimberly. Now, Kim, not to diminish your place in hip-hop, because you do have a half-decent legacy, but you know good and well that your 'beef' with Nicki Minaj is little more than a desperate attempt at regaining the spotlight.

Kim, when is the last time you put out a track? I can't name one, much less remember the last time I heard your name called out loud in reference to anything related to a song. You've gotten more press on MTO in the past year than on any hip-hop blog or hip-hop show. For God's sake, you were on Dancing With the Stars, the rest haven for has-beens looking for a way back into the limelight. By that virtue, your entry into this beef is completely ill-placed. It's as if you saw Nicki Minaj's celebrity growing each day, and decided that you were the only plastic surgery-enhanced, weird hair-colored, overt sexual lyric-spitting MC that should be considered. You know what that is? That's the definition of a hater. I despise that word, but you've got to call a spade a spade sometimes.

First of all, Nicki Minaj said little, if anything directly correlating to you on 'Roman's Revenge'. That you took it as such means you're a little salty over something completely imagined. Why are you mad? Second of all, how are you going to call out Nicki for 'biting' when your whole stee-lo was bitten. Biggie wrote your entire catalog up until 'La Bella Mafia', and even after that, every popular song you had was biting some other song. If it wasn't 'The Jump Off' using The Lost Boyz' entire chorus, it was 'Lighters Up' taking Junior Gong's flow from 'Welcome to Jamrock'. Kim, you're the last person who should be talking about originality. Sure, you started the whole explicit lyrics from a female MC trend, but as you've gotten older and more and more grotesque (anyone who thinks Kim looks good has vision problems), that ploy has gotten older and older. Not to mention, I damn sure would rather watch Nicki Minaj rap than you. All those voices and different flows? C'mon son... Nicki is entertaining, and you know it. The woman might be as vapid as a tube of hot air on wax, but she sounds cool doing it.

Let's face it, Kim. Your era is DONE. You and Foxy Brown had your time in the limelight then essentially fell into obscurity for Lord knows why. That both of you are coming at Nicki now is sad. You two are old dogs trying to learn new tricks and failing terribly, while Nicki says the truth: When you pop up on a Billboard track, then she should respond. Until then, you should just go pump more silicon into yourself and see if you can re-work more of Biggie's raps to sound like you. That'll get you more shine than trying to push your way back into the scene with a diss track. 50 originated that, and look where he's at. It damn sure won't work for you, especially with a weak diss track like that...

Dear MC Hammer

You know how you know you're getting old? When you see performers, artists and actors from your earlier days making fools of themselves today, and wonder 'where did it all go wrong?' Today is such a day for you MC Hammer. Now, I don't particularly understand what your gripe with Jigga is. What he said in that line from Kanye's 'So Appalled' was completely true, and you know it.

“Hammer went broke, so you know I’m more focused/I lost 30 mil’, so I spent another 30/’Cause unlike Hammer, 30 million can’t hurt me,

No, it's not nice to kick a man when he's down, nor is it in good taste to discuss another man's money. But come on, Hammer. You know that at least one point in the past 15 years you've said to yourself: 'Where did all that motherf*ckin' money go?' And thanks to modern accounting and banking, you now know exactly where you went wrong in your monetary decisions. It's great that you've put that era behind you and begun to seek new things in your life.

That said, Hammer, making diss videos towards Jay isn't going to cure your hungry pockets. It's all well and good that you're making an attempt to resurrect your career, but you've showed up late to an entire revolution of technology and social media. Times have changed, Hammer. Diss tracks are like assholes now. Everyone puts them out as feeble attempts to gain notoriety, in the 50 Cent mold. And sadly, Hammer, you're no different. Diss track aside, the fact that you put out a music video to go with it is beyond laughable. Seriously, man. Who dances for a diss track? Didn't we leave that alone in the 80s (well before you were popping onto the scene)? Also, what did the little boardroom meeting have to do with anything? You know the last time you had a corporate meeting that meant anything, it was your contract release meeting. Add to that, the song sucks. I know it. You know it. The American people know it.

Hammer, this isn't the way to get your celebrity back. You do know that Jay-Z won't even regale this with a response? If anything he'll toss another (singular) bar at you and probably have the internets going nuts with laughter. No, Hammer, it's not that your musical contributions have been forgotten. It's just that you're choosing to take on a titan of hip-hop, when you've clearly been downgraded to a mere mortal. Why not take the Rev Run route and get a reality TV show or something? I'm sure it'll have more shelf life and profit coming out of it than this sorry video...

Dear Alchemist

I never thought I'd see the day when Twitter truly became hood. Now, I eat that thought and the naiveté behind it. Game's 400 bar freestyle to Jay Electronica's 'Exhibit C' didn't break any world records, nor did it suffice to break Jayceon out of his 2-year landslide rough patch. In fact, most people (including myself) didn't get halfway through it. I'd say 5 minutes in, I was ready to hit the spacebar. Regardless, this is about you, Alchemist. You found out today just how 'real' Twitter can get. Like most people, you used your account to voice an opinion, albeit a famous one, to the Twitterverse. Unfortunately, Game didn't take too kindly to that and had you jumped. Whether Game called that or not, it stands to say that Twitter might be gone to the wolves soon. If this is how grown men niggas act over a 20 minute freestyle, how are they going to act when something.. you know.. real happens?

Dear Solar

Tell me Solar doesn't look like a schemin-ass nigga...

Now that we've had the chance to pay our respects to Guru, it's time to tackle the case of your involvement in Guru's pre-mortem dealings. Solar, it's been hard to find closure with Guru's death with all of the mystery and lack of communication surrounding it.

First of all, why was the entire world, with your exception, kept in secret about Guru's medical situation? I feel like you damn sure weren't overall the closest person to Guru, even at his time of death. If his son was so 'beloved,' why wasn't he the sole caretaker of Guru? Why was all of the press coming from YOU?!?! Second of all, in the letter to his fans, Guru must have mentioned your name about 10 times (actually 7). Solar, you're telling me that as a rapper and poet, and as a pioneer in hip-hop, the only person Guru cared to mention more than once was you??? I'm sorry, but that doesn't add up. What about all of the family, friends, DJ's, rappers, promoters and writers that Guru knew? What about addressing his work as a rapper? What about some sort of statement about hip-hop as an art form and the direction it's taking? Somehow I think that Guru would have had more to say about more things than just his relationship with you. Third of all, what was up with all of the hate on DJ Premier in the last letter? You mean to tell me that at the time of his death, rather than a peaceful statement, or a burying of the proverbial hatchet, Guru's last testament to Primo was a hate-filled diatribe about how he doesn't want Primo involved in his estate? Seriously, if I'm on my death bed, the last thing I'm thinking about is trivial beefs during my living years. I'm trying to make peace with the world around me and leave this life with some credits on my heaven ticket (as blasphemous as that sounds). Solar, that brings me to my conclusion.

Now, it's not a good thing to surround a dead man with this much controversy, but there is no way in heaven or hell that Guru wrote that letter (clearly subjective). It sounded nothing like what a man with his verbal prowess would have cooked up. Also, the amount of times your name was called was egregious. It sounds like you're his PR person and are trying to buy up as many rights to his namesake as possible, so you can cash out when the air clears. Either that, or you were just trying to get your name out there more. Most hip-hop fans wouldn't even mention you in the same breath as Guru or Primo, no matter how much Guru wanted you to replace him. There's no way a man, in his last breath, is going out with that much hate or that much attention to business. The diction used in the letter reminded me of a hateful being, or a general misanthrope. The way you Guru wrote that letter made him sound a lot like this guy:

#shoutout to Devin for the inspiration for this post...

ItsTheReal - Def Jam Vendetta: Shyne vs. 50 Cent

ItsTheReal is at it again with their hip-hop comedy shorts. This time they take on Shyne and his ridiculous attempt to get back on by getting at 50 Cent. Now, 50 already has a problem with starting beef to boost his sales. But at least he's semi-good at it. Ja Rule hasn't been heard from since, and Fat Joe can't sell water in a desert these days. Shyne, however, comes out of the pen, puts out a few sub-par tracks with weird vocals, and goes at 50. And that's in the course of 2 weeks! By that virtue, ItsTheReal has a good call on the fight. Maybe if Shyne could put together a mixtape or something, he'd have a better chance. Otherwise, he's a 2nd round knockout. Check the video out...

Dear 50 Cent

See, I can respect that. I can respect candid and open commentary on a particular comment. 50, let's be real, your music has been lackluster as of late (since GRODT, actually). The Massacre was a massacre, and I don't even remember anything from Curtis but 'I Get Money'. And to be honest, the way The Game was rapping in 2004, even with your beats and production and help, he might have been able to get at you on wax. Even so, the business instinct you showed was truly remarkable. It comes off sounding like extortion, but I suppose in your terms, it's 'making the best out of a bad situation'.

The Game is a hothead. Anybody who's watched BET, listened to his music or been on a blog knows that. And Game also has had a lot of sideways shit happen to him in his life, that's ALL come up to bite him in the ass in the past few years. From being on that dating show, to being a stripper (can someone cite that for me?), to the random tattoos and his famous disses, Game has a lot of shaky behavior on his resume. While I still think you did him and Young Buck dirty, they've done a lot worse things for themselves than you have, especially when it comes to PR and promotion. Those two have more blog screw-ups than Charles Hamilton. You just managed to get to them before they could get to themselves. I guess in the long run, doing good business ultimately leads to the downfall of others around you. It's survival of the fittest, and anyone can respect that...