Dear Drake (re: Take Care)

The Midas touch?? Ehh... Debatable.

The truth is such a paradoxical concept. They say the truth sets you free, yet the truth hurts. Half a truth makes a great lie, but when you find the truth, it's more that you've found a truth. Truth is sought by the masses but attained by the few. Truth makes for great art, but only when placed in a palatable medium. Such is your issue, Drake. Your truth is a complete paradox. It has certain aspects that everyone can relate to, but make people (especially men) so uncomfortable, that they can't accept it. While you make music that embraces the whole gamut of male emotion, you are so unabashed in your portrayal during Take Care that it is impossible for the average man to listen without casting improper libel on your name, Drizzy.

Sidenote: I'm tired of people labeling any type of defamation via social media 'slander'. For you non-lexical thinkers, the proper term is libel, or defamation by written or printed words. Slander is the same, but spoken. I know it's splitting hairs, but with the way writing is going down the pooper, I had to make the disambiguation.

Take Care was named so because you supposedly rushed the production of Thank Me Later and wanted to take your time while putting your sophomore project out. Production-wise, this is a masterful album. It does not have the beautifully eclectic sound that Kanye's My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy has, but centers on the sonically dark, sensuous sound that marked Thank Me Later. It is obvious that you were heavy handed in your production, taking care to make this your album again.

Content-wise, the truth you convey is anything but careful. From your verses to your features, the honesty of how (excuse my French) fucked up the industry makes the artist, is evident. Kendrick Lamar says it best when he muses about the penchant for music to beget sex:

Live the ambiance all cause the audience / One day said I would do it / So instead of a verse being read / Ima go ‘n get some head off the strength of my music

The themes of love lost and the downfall to fame are exceptionally reckless, almost reminiscent of a melancholy teenage love affair. No stone is left uncast (not a word, but it sounded hot) when dealing with the hurt of being broken hearted, whether by one's own doing or by the ills of another. It is this truth, that love does indeed hurt, that makes Take Care so off-putting to the host of caveman-esque listeners saying you're as soft as terry cloth, Drake.

Songs like 'Marvin's Room/Buried Alive' only serve to add flames to the firestorm of softness allegations, yet the candidness afforded is undeniable. What stone-hearted ogre can truly say that they've never been hurt? How is reveling and thriving in light of hatred pointed towards one's art considered 'soft'? Drake, your truth is one that is seldom seen, yet needed in this day and age. 'Lord Knows' is a positive example of this truth. For all of the flak aimed at your neck, you've got Teflon both metaphorically and on the track with Ross as you deflect criticism about your place in hip-hop history:

They take the greats from the past and compare us / I wonder if they'd ever survive in this era / In a time where it's recreation / To pull all your skeletons out the closet like Halloween decorations

It used to be a case where a rapper's dirty laundry was only aired out on wax. Now that MTO and TMZ and Necole Bitchie and whatever other gossip sites there are lend themselves to that end, that line is extremely powerful, even though it will fly over the heads of most in terms of gravity.

I have to say, Drake, that listening to Comeback Season before So Far Gone before Thank Me Later before Take Care was a HUGE mistake. The change in your style is almost ridiculous. From the rapper who idolized Phonte to the syrup-sipping YMCMB harpy, it's a bittersweet transition. Did you have to lose the socially awkward, prodigally-talented ideal that marked your earlier works in the pursuit of fame? I suppose you comment on that phenomenon on 'Underground Kings':

Live a little, cause niggas die a lot, and lie a lot / But I'm the truth -- that's right, I fucking said it / The living proof that you don't gotta die to get to heaven

Is that really the truth, Drake? Is that really your truth? I'm not sure which truth to believe from you, Drake; the tortured musician or the ballin' outta control rapper. It seems as if the latter is prevalent during this album, as with the last.

The downside to truth is that not everyone's truth is palatable to a wider audience. Drake, as much as I appreciate you discussing the plight of heartbreak, you need some other kinds of truth... Seriously. Big Ghostfase allusions aside, this album explored a whole new frontier of emotion. I wasn't ready for such a sultry ambience while listening. It honestly had me at a loss for words, especially when 'Doing it Wrong' came on. Of the 18 tracks on Take Care at least half dealt with women in some way. Really, Drake? I know they say that women drive the majority of record sales, but that doesn't mean the truth you convey should be entirely centered around the fairer sex. Jay-Z would be disappointed, as his chorus on '99 Problems' claims. 'The Real Her', was more of the same, oozing with heartbreak from the soul of a tortured musician. Yes, it's relatable, but only for a while. (see my post on Joe Budden's woman troubles) After essentially visiting the same theme on Thank Me Later, you would think you'd stop hitting industry parties and strip clubs looking for your Cinderella, Drake. Come on, son... The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. There's got to be a new impetus for your next musical work, or I won't be able to stomach it again.

I had to wonder why your album started to sound like a wasteful-spending broken-hearted, broken record halfway through, and I could think of one reason: Weezy F. Baby. The Clown Prince of Syrup-Influenced Music has infiltrated what little integrity the music industry leaves in most artists and destroyed it, Drake. The result of this unholy union is a track like 'Practice'. Drake, I may be classified among the rank-and-file of so-called haters, but this has to be one of the most God-awful pieces of music I've ever had the displeasure of blasting through my speakers. Never mind that you tried to turn a twerking anthem into an R&B song, or that Wayne must be paying a grills-worth in royalties to Juvenile, or that an appearance from The Lonely Island is the only thing separating this song from being a parody. This was the equivalent of sticking scalding butter knives in my ears, Drake. Hearkening back to my theme of truth, someone in that studio needed to tell you the truth about that song. Lack of truth is the reason Eminem's recent work sounds like a watered-down cocktail and why heads will never be able to accept that death in hip-hop doesn't equal martyrdom. Your sophomore offering shouldn't have suffered from the truth being withheld in your recording process. It's clear that while this album was inherently yours, there was a lot more Young Money in your Kool-Aid than most listeners would be lead to believe.

Drake, I'm conflicted in writing this letter. While I commend another good listen, with more shades of emotion being exposed for a mostly emotionless listener-base, I can't condone a lot of the songs, content and decisions made concerning Take Care. It's almost as if you don't believe a lot of the truth you're conveying. You can deflect the and hate welcome the praise, but you can't even begin to describe what got you there. You may be able to wax philosophical about the ills of trying to find love, but you probably will never get any closer to finding it. You may be a 'king' in your own mind, but are one sitting on a throne in jeopardy, mostly of your own doing. The bane of truth is not only being able to convey it, but also being able to use it to grow. I think what concerns me the most about Take Care is the lack of growth. It's as if this album had a confused take on the same truth from Thank Me Later, resulting in a melancholy, teenage hormone-laced version of what should have been the album. That's the truth; the careful, unabashed truth. You need a reality check, not only to stop you from bigging up your gun-toting henchmen, but also from letting the pain of girl problems completely stain your work. It will make for a more widely-accepted and enlightening truth on your part.

Dear Racism Whistle-Blowers

If he falls off this mountain, is the mountain now a racist?

'It's because I'm black!'

'Man, that's racist!'

'How can you do that, as a black man?'

'Don't you know that (supposedly racist act) originated in (racially-charged event)?'

The list could go on forever... Of all the things that irk me to no end, I think the one that has stood out lately is you, the prototypical racism whistle-blower. We all know about planking now, thanks to Twitter. The craze started out months ago in New Zealand as a twist on the 'lying down' game, and grew to notoriety when an unsuspecting planker died after tumbling down a mountain. Yet, in recent weeks the fad has grown to a fever pitch, conspicuously making its rounds in the mainstream media and the black community. As with many crazes, I was quick to dismiss it, simply because it is a case of major groupthink and the world has many other issues to deal with other than people lying face-down in random locations.

Yet you racism whistle-blowers had to take it to that level. People always get on blacks and other minorities for pulling out the race card at unscrupulous intervals... And predictably, we get mad, championing the sacrifices of our ancestors and claiming that we shouldn't be delving into certain things because of the racially-charged histories behind them. Planking has received the same treatment, with hoards of you whistle-blowers alluding to the triangular trade practice of stacking slaves on top of one another in slave ships to conserve space. Now, I understand why you would make this comparison. They look pretty darn similar. Hell, they might've even used the same term to describe it... But consider this: NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE RACIST!

Why is it that nothing can pass through the lens of a black 'radical' without having 'Bigot' branded on its forehead? Are we that desperate for talking points to continue the 'struggle', that something created purely in fun can't be left alone? I'll take a wild guess that when people began planking again, slave ships were the farthest thing from their minds. And by that token, I don't think that some 21st-century fad was on the mind of slave dealers when they were planking slaves. Trying to elicit an air of causation from either side is not only reaching, but silly. Yes, the link is there. But it doesn't mean the link is automatically valid or worth causing a kerfuffle about. Whistle-blowers, let me end on this: why not focus on racism that actually affects us like... I don't know... Tea partiers, or Clarence Thomas, or Michelle Bachman? Either that or go walk a plank... Seriously.

Dear Joe Budden

*sigh* I didn't ever want to write this letter. After 'Ordinary Love Sh*t: Part 2' I thought your knack for wifing up buxom beauties with more stars in their hearts than love was gone. Lo and behold, I woke up this morning to a profanity-laced back-and-forth between you and your estranged video model girlfriend Esther Baxter. Something about her cheating on you with while she was pregnant... Not more than a few minutes after that, 'Ordinary Love Sh*t: Part 3' started surfacing around the Interwebs, and I knew something was up.


Joe Budden - Ordinary Love Sh*t - Part 3

Cut to the Frank Ocean 'Novacane' instrumental,

SIDENOTE: Rappers, don't start jumping on the OFWGKTA bandwagon, using their instrumentals, just because the rest of the world is feeling them.

and the listener hears you at your finest: mad. You wax prophetic about past tiffs with Tahiry and how you said you would never doubt your gut feeling again when it came to women. From calling out Derrick Ward for the affair, 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, kids being involved, it was like an episode of Maury that had taken the drug known as Charlie Sheen. The song itself was piff (see last paragraph), yet there is something wrong with letting your laundry fly all over the place, especially when it's the same brand of drawers. #seewhatididthere

My beef, or rather my issue, is this Joey: why do you keep wifing hoes, and expecting less than hoe behavior? As the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. In Tahiry's case, I suppose you got a pass, because no one knew who that broad was before she became your arm candy. In Esther's case, we've known about her for years! I was a sophomore in high school when I first remember drooling to Esther's bodacious curves in Petey Pablo's 'Freek-a-Leek' video. It's like Denny Green's famous tirade: (Esther is) who we thought (she was)!! You of all should know that, man. You've been a rapper long enough to know when a woman has little if any intention of being good to you.

That said, Joey, while this type of drama is very unsightly for your public image and overall fandom, as a hip-hop fan, I love it! This is what music is supposed to be about! Raw emotion! Unreserved honesty! No qualms! Forget about who's listening! Just say it! Don't let people ever doubt where your head and heart are at. That's when you turn into B.o.B. and start shooting out undirected diss tracks. One of your strengths as an artist is that you tell it how it is; the hairy, ugly, morbidly obese, clap-infested truth! That you had to endure another public break-up is sad, yes. No one really wants to put their ex on blast... Well, maybe you take solace in that. I suppose we can lament another one of your failed relationships while we laugh at the pure hilarity that is your interview on the Breakfast Club, who seemed just as in awe of your revelations as the rest of the world was...

Dear Donald Trump

If 'the Man' were a real person, I'd imagine his physical make-up to be something like this:

- white, Anglo-Saxon male
- the brain of Sarah Palin
- the enraptured soul of Ronald Reagan
- the torso of Ed Wuncler (word to Aaron McGruder)
- the physical fortitude of a newborn kitten
- the voice of Glenn Beck

... and last, but not least, the hair of none other than you, Donald Mothaf*ckin Trump. Your comb-overed idiocy never really registered on my Richter Scale, simply because you were too much of a big wig, fat-walleted blowhole to really matter. Your forays into real estate (yes, they did some wonders for the NYC skyline) have turned your already inflated ego into a gargantuan facade, much like those said buildings. Hell, even your show is an overstated testament to how important you believe yourself to be. Now that it's 2011, and the 2012 Presidential Election race has had its unofficial start, the talk of your impending run as a GOP candidate has me scratching my head, and wondering 'Are we really taking this guy seriously?'

Take your announcement for your campaign, and subsequent latching on to the 'Birther' movement. You claim that Obama wasn't born in this country and that his whereabouts are beyond questionable. You constantly allude to a missing birth certificate, as if it hasn't been proven repeatedly that President Obama was indeed born in Hawaii, citing the lack of a 'birth certificate'. Newsflash, Trump. In Hawaii, the document is called a 'Certificate of Live Birth' and is the equivalent of what you would call a birth certificate (the whole discrepancy is reminiscent of every state's little legislative differences, that your party seeks to protect, so why the contradiction?).

Next, you attack Obama's academic record, saying that his status as a Harvard and Columbia grad is a farce, and that his Ivy League matriculation was 'undeserved'. Look at you, Trump! Your dad was a real estate tycoon, and you most likely got into UPenn based off his connections than anything. How can you try to discredit another man's rise in academics, when you got around on your daddy's name? How can you try and mudsling on another man's merit, when you've proven through your own grandiose lifestyle that you have little to merit yourself? I'll tell you why... It's because you have little if any platform to run on, and are essentially running on a 'F*ck Obama' campaign.

Where are YOUR political credentials? Where do YOU stand on the issues? So far, everything that's come out of your mouth is a hair away from slanderous and has little if anything to do with improving the nation or its economy. It's like you have nothing to add to the discussion so you're going to fling mud at everyone else in some vain attempt to hide your own lack of expertise or political savvy. It's sickening, Trump. Do you have ANYTHING to add to the conversation other than slander? Then you've got numbskulls like Sarah Palin giving you pats on the back? Come on, son... If Sarah Palin is endorsing you, then there's something terribly wrong with what you're saying.

You stand for everything bad about the GOP: distortion of fact, lack of discernable political intelligence, and an overall hubris that will eventually be you and your party's demise. Never mind the fact that the GOP has no candidates worth the pieces of paper they're balloted on. Never mind the fact that you'd be the 2nd GOP candidate to have a reality TV show. You're just out of line. Why don't you just flip that combover over to reveal the vacuous abyss that is your mind, and let the American people see just what you're made out of: money and nothing more. Then again, so are most of the GOP hopefuls. Why don't we just chalk your idiotic campaign up to the GOP's impending implosion (#shoutout to the Tea Party), and have you go back to hawking real estate. I don't mind you working in NYC, but the White House, you need to stay out of, for all our sakes...

PS: According to CNN, Obama was 'absolutely' born in Hawaii. What the hell are you going to run your campaign on now, Trump?

Dear Record Companies

From West Indian block parties to underground ciphers, piracy has always been around...

via The Register:

The music industry is sticking to a self-valuation that has been rejected by various courts and has now been described as “absurd” by a New York judge.

Judge Kimba Wood has handed down an opinion in the LimeWire damages case that challenges the industry’s belief it could be owed more than the entire global GDP for one year.

After LimeWire lost the case last year, the trial moved into the damages phase, with hearings starting next May. In an opinion (pdf) [1] published ahead of the damages hearings, Judge Kimba Wood revealed that the record companies, seeking statutory damages against the music-sharing service, are seeking damages predicated on the “number of direct infringers per work” – leading to a damages claim of as much as $75 trillion dollars (according to Wikipedia, total global GDP is around $69 trillion)".

You know an industry is in the middle of a flux when it grossly overvalues itself and insists that the rest of humanity respect its inflated self-image. It just so happens that this overvaluation is a constant staple of the music industry, where fickle fans, new technology and constantly changing winds make an accurate understanding damn near impossible. The music industry continued that trend over the past two weeks when a gang of you record companies decided to hold Limewire accountable for $75 trillion over its enabling of file-sharing. I almost gagged when I saw that figure. $75 TRILLION?!?!?! Since when has the music industry been worth more than the entire world's GDP? Seriously... I like music, and I'm sure the rest of the world does too, but not that much.

And to boot, you're suing Limewire of all companies. If you guys really had your hand on the pulse of the music industry, you'd know Limewire was played out after my 9th grade year (2002, if you must know). Additionally, if you were really paying attention, you would've been up on the online music grind from jump, so that you could've had a stake in it. Torrents, sharing websites and iTunes beat you to the punch and now you're on the outside looking in, trying to bust the windows. Now that you're behind the curve, it's like you're trying to put a four-alarm fire out with a water gun. Hell, now the blogs are running the game, giving away your artists' music (at least in hip-hop; can't speak for every genre) and all you guys can do is shut down onSMASH for a couple of weeks.

If your preposterous claim against Limewire is a sign of anything, it's that the little man always has a one-up on the corporation because the corporation is too focused on the profit rather than the product. That you guys are finally getting your day in court is too little, too late, and the judge handling your case proved that when he called your claim 'absurd'. As a matter of fact, that's just the first in a long list of words I have for your general greed and lack of insight into your own business. Either way, I and the rest of the bajillion Generation-Y music fans will somehow find a way to download music around your egregious blocks to fair distribution of music. Are you going to threaten legal action against all of us? Probably. God save the poor sap who gets nabbed with that law suit. Will it work? Probably not. Maybe you should take notes on the new wave instead of trying to cram your way in after the lights have come down.

Dear Lil' Kim

Rap beef is pretty much played out... There, I said it. At this point in hip-hop, most rap beefs aren't based on anything other than hot air, hearsay and rappers' vanity. Back in the day, there seemed to be some substance behind the conflicts in hip-hop, whether it was turf wars, gang-related, or actual name calling. Nowadays, if you say the wrong word on wax or make reference to someone's past (coughcoughMCHammercoughcough), a diss track is coming your way. Such is the case with your latest offering Kimberly. Now, Kim, not to diminish your place in hip-hop, because you do have a half-decent legacy, but you know good and well that your 'beef' with Nicki Minaj is little more than a desperate attempt at regaining the spotlight.

Kim, when is the last time you put out a track? I can't name one, much less remember the last time I heard your name called out loud in reference to anything related to a song. You've gotten more press on MTO in the past year than on any hip-hop blog or hip-hop show. For God's sake, you were on Dancing With the Stars, the rest haven for has-beens looking for a way back into the limelight. By that virtue, your entry into this beef is completely ill-placed. It's as if you saw Nicki Minaj's celebrity growing each day, and decided that you were the only plastic surgery-enhanced, weird hair-colored, overt sexual lyric-spitting MC that should be considered. You know what that is? That's the definition of a hater. I despise that word, but you've got to call a spade a spade sometimes.

First of all, Nicki Minaj said little, if anything directly correlating to you on 'Roman's Revenge'. That you took it as such means you're a little salty over something completely imagined. Why are you mad? Second of all, how are you going to call out Nicki for 'biting' when your whole stee-lo was bitten. Biggie wrote your entire catalog up until 'La Bella Mafia', and even after that, every popular song you had was biting some other song. If it wasn't 'The Jump Off' using The Lost Boyz' entire chorus, it was 'Lighters Up' taking Junior Gong's flow from 'Welcome to Jamrock'. Kim, you're the last person who should be talking about originality. Sure, you started the whole explicit lyrics from a female MC trend, but as you've gotten older and more and more grotesque (anyone who thinks Kim looks good has vision problems), that ploy has gotten older and older. Not to mention, I damn sure would rather watch Nicki Minaj rap than you. All those voices and different flows? C'mon son... Nicki is entertaining, and you know it. The woman might be as vapid as a tube of hot air on wax, but she sounds cool doing it.

Let's face it, Kim. Your era is DONE. You and Foxy Brown had your time in the limelight then essentially fell into obscurity for Lord knows why. That both of you are coming at Nicki now is sad. You two are old dogs trying to learn new tricks and failing terribly, while Nicki says the truth: When you pop up on a Billboard track, then she should respond. Until then, you should just go pump more silicon into yourself and see if you can re-work more of Biggie's raps to sound like you. That'll get you more shine than trying to push your way back into the scene with a diss track. 50 originated that, and look where he's at. It damn sure won't work for you, especially with a weak diss track like that...

Dear Four Loko

People would definitely pass on Four Loko if it made you look like that...

via The Chicago Tribune:

Four Loko, the high-octane alcoholic beverage favored on college campuses, is again under fire.

Michigan announced Thursday that it is banning alcoholic caffeinated drinks like Four Loko, which is produced by Chicago-based Phusion Projects and has been singled out for criticism by health experts. A day earlier, members of Chicago's City Council proposed their own ban on energy drinks that contain alcohol.

The Michigan action, passed by the state's Liquor Control Commission on a 2-1 vote, identified 55 products for its ban. The commission's decision followed recent reports of students in Washington and New Jersey being hospitalized after drinking Four Loko. Manufacturers will have 30 days to pull the banned products.

If there's one thing I've learned during college it's that drinking should be its own department, with its own courses, and degree. The amount of alcohol consumed on any given college campus weekly could flood a stadium, drowning sorrows and a plethora of aspirations and memories with it. That said, the main barrier for most college kids and their desired inebriation is that stingy age requirement. Kids have been finding ways to acquire alcohol for generations, whether it be fake ID, older friends helping them, bootlegging or dipping into their parents' stashes. Until this past year, that was it. Now we've got you, Four Loko, with your fruity, wine cooler-esque flavors, your unusually high alcohol levels and your abnormally low price.

Four Loko, you burst onto the scene before the summer, with most people mistaking you for cans of their favorite iced tea. Now, months later, college campuses and parent groups are calling for your head due to the overwhelming amount of kids winding up in the hospital or dead after knocking back a few too many of you. That said, you shouldn't be blamed for their demise, even though you were in their hands. There are a few reasons why I believe you ARE NOT guilty, and why people should check their habits before they blame you for anything:

1) Drinking alcohol is COMPLETELY voluntary. People use peer pressure as a scapegoat for everything, yet when it comes down to it, no one is drinking you with a gun pointed at them. No one is being forced to down 23.5 ounces of your blackout-inducing elixer. At the end of the day, a person who deems himself responsible and old enough to drink one of you should have to deal with your consequences. In the same way as drinking you is voluntary, so are the headaches, nausea, memory loss and health benefits that come with you.

2) You taste DISGUSTING. Yes, I have tried you, and no I will never put my lips to a can of you again (Gin and tonics are my drink of choice anyway). It's funny that nature's way of telling you not to ingest something is by having it taste like the broad side of an outhouse. You would think that young adults could master that idea. But no. They continue to guzzle you, unaware of the damage they are doing to their livers, but all the more inebriated.

3) You keep people awake. The silver lining for most drinkers is that after a night of pounding back Jager Bombs or guzzling from the tap, they can take solace in the fact that alcohol is a depressant. They will undoubtedly fall out either due to fatigue or because of the alcohol in their system. Not with you, Four Loko. You make it so that no matter how much one drinks, they will never fall asleep. Your inhuman levels of caffeine, combined with the alcohol, makes one all the more drunk but no more tired. That leads to to the inevitable: blackout drunkenness.

Four Loko, those are three things that people should know about you before drinking, but don't for some reason. It's a sad day and age where people are unable to control their urges to drink, so much so that they endanger their lives. It's even sadder when people can't fess up to there being a problem with their own habits, rather than blaming everything on the inception of a product to the market. Yes, you are the next of kin to poison, Four Loko. Yes, drinking you probably takes 8 hours off one's life. But at the same time, shouldn't people know that before they pop the top? The balance between personal and external responsibility is something that is being lost every day, with your effigy at the forefront. Sadly, that balance will never be righted as long as you're on the streets...

Dear MC Hammer

You know how you know you're getting old? When you see performers, artists and actors from your earlier days making fools of themselves today, and wonder 'where did it all go wrong?' Today is such a day for you MC Hammer. Now, I don't particularly understand what your gripe with Jigga is. What he said in that line from Kanye's 'So Appalled' was completely true, and you know it.

“Hammer went broke, so you know I’m more focused/I lost 30 mil’, so I spent another 30/’Cause unlike Hammer, 30 million can’t hurt me,

No, it's not nice to kick a man when he's down, nor is it in good taste to discuss another man's money. But come on, Hammer. You know that at least one point in the past 15 years you've said to yourself: 'Where did all that motherf*ckin' money go?' And thanks to modern accounting and banking, you now know exactly where you went wrong in your monetary decisions. It's great that you've put that era behind you and begun to seek new things in your life.

That said, Hammer, making diss videos towards Jay isn't going to cure your hungry pockets. It's all well and good that you're making an attempt to resurrect your career, but you've showed up late to an entire revolution of technology and social media. Times have changed, Hammer. Diss tracks are like assholes now. Everyone puts them out as feeble attempts to gain notoriety, in the 50 Cent mold. And sadly, Hammer, you're no different. Diss track aside, the fact that you put out a music video to go with it is beyond laughable. Seriously, man. Who dances for a diss track? Didn't we leave that alone in the 80s (well before you were popping onto the scene)? Also, what did the little boardroom meeting have to do with anything? You know the last time you had a corporate meeting that meant anything, it was your contract release meeting. Add to that, the song sucks. I know it. You know it. The American people know it.

Hammer, this isn't the way to get your celebrity back. You do know that Jay-Z won't even regale this with a response? If anything he'll toss another (singular) bar at you and probably have the internets going nuts with laughter. No, Hammer, it's not that your musical contributions have been forgotten. It's just that you're choosing to take on a titan of hip-hop, when you've clearly been downgraded to a mere mortal. Why not take the Rev Run route and get a reality TV show or something? I'm sure it'll have more shelf life and profit coming out of it than this sorry video...

Dear Waka Flocka

Happenings like this have me worried about the future of Black America. As for the N*igga Moment Hall of Fame, this exchange qualifies as an automatic entry. Along with your less than masterful handle of the English language, to the dumbfounded look plastered on your face when you couldn't answer the simplest of questions, to Rocsi and Terrence's fumbling of your faux pas and idiotic statements, Flocka, you really don't have much to laugh about. No, I didn't think you'd have much to say anyway, but you couldn't even piece together a coherent sentence!

SIDENOTE: Why do Terrence and Rocsi allow this fool to get off the hook so easily? BET is really just condoning ignorance by letting that slide.

Seriously. While I don't think everyone is suitable to be an expert on the US political system, it stands to say you should have some idea as to how to respond to that question. It's bad enough that your music is like Teletubbies for rap, Waka. That you perpetuated an age old stereotype that black people are is secondary to the effect this has on young people. We're already living in a day and age where involvement in the political cycle is not a priority. You're setting such a good example for the 15 and 16 year-olds out there who'll be voting in the next few years. That's what the future of the nation needs: lack of speaking skills and political apathy. I guess a career of shaking your dreads does much more than get you stage time. Brain damage is looking like a serious side effect of listening to you, Mr. Flocka...

Dear DJ Khaled

Khaled, let me say this: I've never liked you. I never thought you had an inkling of talent, though everywhere I turn people are lauding your additions to the hip-hop game. I don't see them. Even so, I'm not here to debate your credentials as a hip-hop personality (there are no credentials for that, at this point), nor am I here to trash your musicality (as if you really had much to begin with). Today, I'm going to talk about your ridiculous assertion, that, among the masses of talented MC's out there today, Rick Ross is a great. A great??? Look Khaled, Ross' album was, in fact, very good. The man has a penchant for making good music that one can not only nod their head to while sipping fine wine, but shake their metaphorical dreads while riding with the top down in the 305. That said, we have to draw a line. You said Ricky Rawse should be up there with Jay-Z, Biggie and, most baffling of all, Bob Marley??? *Bob Marley's spirit gets bit by a truck* Bob Marley?? Khaled, as a Jamaican-American, and as a hip-hop fan, I want to give you the People's Elbow for that one. You might as well have said Al Green, Luther Vandross and Earth, Wind and Fire while you were at it. C'Mon son. Rozay is nice, but not nice enough to be mentioned in the same breath as Robert Nesta Marley or Biggie or Tupac. When Rawse decides to address his life as a federale, as well as make some music that talks about social ills and progression, maybe we can start the conversation. But as long as his inspirations for his verses are Big Meech and Larry Hoover, you, Khaled need to stick to screaming on tracks and being rowdy at award shows...

Dear Matt Leinart

Kurt: Coulda been you, bro... Matt: *emo sigh*

via ESPN:

The Arizona Cardinals have released Matt Leinart, parting ways with the former Heisman Trophy winner who was supposed to be the team's franchise quarterback but couldn't escape the backup role.
The team made the announcement on Saturday, shortly before the Cardinals had to reach their 53-man roster limit.

"In fairness to Matt, I think that it would be a tough position for him to be in a backup role," coach Ken Whisenhunt said. "Maybe a fresh start for him is what would be a good thing, for all of us."

I always find it funny when athletes go from the college game to the professional game and lose their mojos. Situations like that beg the simple question: What happened? From off-the-field trouble, to coaching and administrative changes, there's usually a veritable reason for why a player loses his stride after making a move to the pros. In the NFL, there are so many variables to a player's success, that sometimes drafting the best player is a simple game of chance. At the same time, there still exists the idea of a can't-miss prospect; a player who's on-field laurels translate perfectly from the college to pro game. You, Matt Leinart were one of those prospects, and now that you've officially been relegated to a future journeyman, it's high time to out you on the wackness that has pervaded your career.

I'm not going to lie. I despise USC as a football program. I don't even think I have a good reason (guess that makes me a hater), aside from the fact that most, if not all of their players, including yourself are what we sports pundits like to call 'system players'. Be real, Matt. Do you honestly think you would've put up the numbers you did at a different school. When one checks out your track record, a lot of your success was because of the players around you. The college game, to me, is much more team-oriented than the pro game. Schools that constantly recruit full classes of blue-chips are always going to be at the top, because their entire squad gets an injection of new blood on both sides of the ball. Matt, you had one doozy of a team around you. Reggie Bush, Lendale White, Sam Baker, Darnell Bing, Brian Cushing, Fred Davis, Rey Maualuga, to name a few, were all on the team with you. Those dudes all went pro and are playing at a high level now. That said, how can anyone debate that your success wasn't (in part) due to your surroundings. For God's sakes, your coach Pete Carrol practically made it impossible for you to not light up the scoreboard! When you got to the NFL, I knew you were doomed, but tried to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Kurt Warner is one of the best QB's of the past decade. The man is a consummate professional and is easily one of the most knowledgeable players in recent history. That the Cardinals would draft you to back him up was literally, the PERFECT situation for you. Denny Green, and (the next head coach) Ken Whisenhunt laid out a red carpet for you. You had two top-5 receivers lining up at your sides, a competent defense on the other side of the ball, and a dedicated coaching staff. As far as I'm concerned, there was no reason for you to not excel once Kurt decided to call it quits after the 2009 season. In fact, Matt, you should've been starting from 2008, but just kept handing the position back over to Warner. Enter this season, and the atmosphere around the Cardinals was tense. Add to the fact that you were complaining about your role, and the world knew you were on thin ice in regards to your standing with the Cardinals. Tack on a lousy preseason (when I say lousy, I mean I probably could have done better) and it was curtains for you. No wonder they released you. All you can really hope for now is a good seat on the bench in Houston. Matt Schaub is actually nice, and unless he loses an arm in a freak accident, you won't be seeing the field anytime soon. What's interesting about football is how much influence the quarterback has on the game at large. When one looks at you play (professionally) you get the the sense that you're not even in control of yourself, much less the game. I suppose this stop with the Texans might yield a second chance, but how many chances should a Heisman winner really get?

Dear Glenn Beck

These are your people, Glenn... What exactly are they taking America back from again??

There are only a handful of people that I would actively wish physical harm on. Tom Brady and Comcast's CEO are two that I can think of offhand, but you, Mr. Beck have officially made the list of 'People I Want to See Literally Break a Leg'. Glenn, I really tried hard not to cast your name asunder, because, you try. You try to make your biting racist rhetoric as safe as possible. You try to keep your xenophobic undertones under wraps, by dubbing everything a fight for 'American values'. Hell, you even try to keep everything multicultural by having rallies on the same day as Martin Luther King Jr. I can understand why you want to play the middle ground. At the same time, I despise everything about you that I just stated.

Glenn, let's get straight to the point, because mincing words doesn't pay bills: You are underhandedly racist, conservatively short-sighted, and overzealous in your definition of 'American'. It seems like every time I hear your name in the media, it's not in relation to anything positive or uplifting. Your rally for 'Restoring Honor' was anything but honorable, regardless of how peaceful a picture you wanted to paint. If it isn't calling Obama out on his birthplace (for the 1000th time), it's promoting fear among an American people that are already confused as hell. You see, Glenn, you're the type of person who sees the idiocy going on in our country, and rather than inform the public, you use it to mold their opinions to your sick, twisted, white-picket fantasy of what you think America should be. What you fail to realize though, is that NO ONE IS INHERENTLY AMERICAN!! Don't you realize that this land was shanghai'ed from Native Americans, worked on the backs of slaves and immigrants and built to greatness by the descendants of people from all over the world? Even in your talks of 'returning America to God', you fail to realize that God doesn't see color. He doesn't see race, gender, ethnicity or country of origin. And he certainly doesn't see the size of your wallet or your socioeconomic bracket. I've always wondered where people like yourself found these doctrines. Are we reading the same Bible?

Glenn, its obvious you have more on your agenda than 'American values'. You're a Class-A fear-monger. You're fodder for the bass-ackwards inbred folk who still think it's 1896 and that Africa is devoid of light. You speak to the (non)sensibilities of White Americans who, for the first time in their lives, are realizing that they aren't the only ones who matter. It's hilarious how people act when they aren't as powerful anymore, especially you. You start acting as if your victims. Of what I have no clue, considering you (white male) have been the world's ruling class since people knew what skin color was. Glenn, take my advice. Stop believing that America is the land of opportunity for only your kind. Not only will that mode of thinking hold back the country, it will probably wipe you and your kind out before you think. Hate written in pretty, rosy letters is still hate. You should know that better than anyone, but hey what do I know. 'Restoring honor' apparently has a race qualification, so I might have to just sit this one out....

Justin Bieber x Kanye West x Raekwon - Runaway Love (Remix)

Justin Bieber x Kanye West x Raekwon - Runaway Love (Remix)

Say what you will about Justin Bieber's place in pop music and his diabolically squeaky-clean image, the young man knows his hip-hop, evidenced by interviews and numerous cosigns. Plus, the young man sounds like a damn cherub. Add his charms, a verse from Rae and Ye, and an interpolation of the Wu classic 'Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to F*ck With', and you have one hell of a crossover hit. Kanye was always a Bieber fan, but the Raekwon cosign was a pleasant surprise. It's refreshing to see that musicians aren't above accepting other types of music or other musicians, regardless of genre. To all of you 'hip-hop' purists saying Rae is selling out by adding Bieber, please go fall into a woodchipper. It's sad that people can't show flexibility without stans getting their panties in a bunch about 'real hip-hop'. Take the chewsticks out of your butt, turn off your Atmosphere album, and figure out why you're mad, while the rest of the world rocks out to this trill Justin Bieber chorus...

Dear Warmongers

via Newser:

A $40 million prison sits in the desert north of Baghdad, empty. A $165 million children's hospital goes unused in the south. A $100 million waste water treatment system in Fallujah has cost three times more than projected, yet sewage still runs through the streets

As the U.S. draws down in Iraq, it is leaving behind hundreds of abandoned or incomplete projects. More than $5 billion in American taxpayer funds has been wasted _ more than 10 percent of the some $50 billion the U.S. has spent on reconstruction in Iraq, according to audits from a U.S. watchdog agency.

That amount is likely an underestimate, based on an analysis of more than 300 reports by auditors with the special inspector general for Iraq reconstruction. And it does not take into account security costs, which have run almost 17 percent for some projects.

It's one thing to propose a controversial plan, have the plan not work, and then admit that the plan was a failure and did more collateral damage than you though. It's a completely different thing to propose a controversial plan, have it fail, then deny the problem and try to keep going the same way. Therein lies your plight, oh ye in support of the military proceedings in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now that the last of the troops are being withdrawn from Iraq, it is quite evident that a hell of a lot of money has been wasted since we started this war, and that most of it has gone into structures with no infrastructure behind them. In war you guys decided rather than focus on combat, to build hospitals, schools and public works projects. Over $5 billion worth of materials, manpower and planning went into projects that weren't even finished.

My real problem with this egregious waste is that the same people who were clamoring for war and revenge on terrorism (how can you plot revenge on an idea?) are the same people getting salty at the government for too much spending. Hey idiots, the last time I checked our country still has some serious infrastructure and administrative problems too. Not to mention, we're STILL up to our nostrils in debt from a financial collapse that your irresponsible war spending caused. Warmongers, you can't have it both ways. You can't waste our money abroad on a war that really had no point and then get mad that we're in a huge recession. And that's especially when you guys want to curb spending on the homefront. So you can do what? Start another war? Look, the whole 'war driving the economy' got played out after World War II and after we started outsourcing all of our industries. So if it's not driving our economy, but in fact sucking money out of our wallets, with few if any viable victories, why are we still at war? I'm not saying that the initiatives in place were bad ideas. I just think that for all of the hoopla about the war, there's finally substantive proof that the US initiative in Iraq was more or less the military running around the desert with their thumbs up their butts. Warmongers, it's not enough to have a good idea for something. You've got to be able to see it through, while being efficient and realistic. You can't half-ass something and be content with the drastic losses you incur simply because you don't want to be wrong. That's flawed reasoning at it's core. I'm not sure most of you will even have the wherewithal to see this report and realize your folly. Then again, most of you don't see a lot of stuff coming. *starts building nuclear fallout shelter for imminent war with China*

Dear Republican National Committee

Well, I guess you can cross at least one of the ones on the left off...

via Politico:

The Republican National Committee has just over $5 million in the bank for the final stretch of the 2010 midterm election campaign, according to an unannounced filing with the FEC disclosed Friday night.

The report also indicates that the national party headed by embattled chairman Michael Steele is carrying just over $2 million in debt.

There was no press release from the RNC attempting to put a positive spin on the grim numbers. Rather, officials from the Democratic National Committee flagged the RNC's report, which was posted on the Federal Election Commission’s website Friday night.

It indicated that the committee brought in slightly more than $5.5 million in July — less than half of what the DNC raised — while spending $11 million.

Wow, RNC... Just, wow. If you opened up your metaphorical wallet right now, what would come out? My guess is dust and a lot of receipts for humble pie. That's because you guys are broke. Point blank. As a party your net worth right now is just over $5 million. $5 million???? LeBron James and Kim Kardashian get paid more to tweet! 'The Situation' from Jersey Shore makes $5 million!! And you guys are saying your budget is so dry that you can't outbuy a steroid-pumped, fake-tanned reality star? C'Mon son. This is one of the many hypocrisies that plague the Republican party. You guys are so adamant about fiscal responsibility and cutting back spending, and keeping the government out of the economy. Yet, you can't even pay your own bills. How can the country trust a party that's less solvent than the country itself? How can you guys profess that the Dems are full of it economically, when they don't have to start rock on the corner to fund mid-term elections.

It's even funnier, because your party has been gaining some steam, with all of the snafus that the Dems have been encountering. The Tea Party has a healthy following of idiots and Sarah Palin is using feminism to tout her own brand of stupidity to a loyal following. If you guys had half an idea about how to handle money, maybe you'd be able to capitalize. Not that I'm upset your party can't balance a checkbook, but it just goes to show you that those who constantly talk the talk most likely can't walk the walk. It just sucks you guys might have to go to CashForGold.com to pay for a midterm election period. That's sad. Imagine if you guys had this opportunity during a Presidential election and couldn't foot the bill. I think America would just be forced to pull the plug on you, GOP. Whatever the case, keep on tossing out drivel and expecting the rich to back you, when you guys are two late fees away from the poorhouse. I think some menial labor and accommodations are just what you need. Then we'll really see what you think about jobless benefits and financial overhaul...

Dear Professional Baseball

DISCLAIMER: Before all of you baseball purists and 'America's Pastime' thumpers come and turn a Baseball Fury (100 e-points if you get that reference) on me, just know that I do watch baseball, and quite often in fact. I've just grown weary of summers dominated by baseball. It's as if the rest of the sports world takes summers off and we're stuck with an old, traditionalist of a sport. Check out these reasons for why professional baseball grinds my gears...

What about this was really exciting? #shoutout to the homie @JRSportBrief


1. Home runs suck. Don't deny it. Home runs are the most pointless highlight to ever flash before my TV screen. There's nothing particularly special about any particular home run, other than the fact that it clears the fence. Home runs are the same, every single time. It's a mystery to me as to why they even require the hitter to circle the bases. Doesn't the home run count as soon as it goes over the fence? Whatever the case, the crown jewel of the sport of baseball has grown less and less impressive as I've gotten older. And with the steroids era not yet in our rearview mirror, its still hard to give the nod to the home run's validity. Don't get me wrong. The feat of blasting a ball that far is impressive... But after seeing it once, I think the wow-factor wears off...

2. There's no parity in professional baseball. And that is coming from a born Yankees fan. As a betting man, there really is no reason to bet on baseball (sorry Pete Rose) considering the same teams are always winning, give or take a few that are declining. The lack of a salary cap has essentially made the MLB two leagues: the Haves and Have-nots, not the AL and NL. Squads like the Yankees, Phillies, Red Sox, Angels, Dodgers, White Sox, Braves and Mets are continuously the cream of the crop, while teams like the Royals, Astros, Padres, Pirates, Athletics, Indians and Orioles are always bottom-dwellers. Even when those sucky teams manage to find a diamond in the rough of a player, he gets scooped up by one of the bigger teams because his original squad can't afford him. It's almost hilarious, because you have to wonder why those small-market teams even try anymore. Professional baseball has no appeal because there's never any chance of one of the lesser teams making a run, or even improving enough each year to challenge one of the big teams...

3. Can anyone tell me what the manager of a baseball team does? Seriously... I want to know, because every time I see a shot of the manager on TV, he's either speaking to one of the coaches under him, sitting down looking disinterested (probably eating sunflower seeds), or yelling at an umpire. Oh yeah... and he gets up in the dugout only to call the bullpen. Other than that we see him making signals and staring off into space. Sounds like one hell of a job. And what's with the manager having to wear the uniforms as well? Most of those guys don't look as though they've lifted a weight in decades. Why would you want them squeezing themselves into those near skintight pants and jerseys? All in all, the idea of a baseball manager boggles my mind. The permanence of that position will never make sense...

4. The game takes is too long and too slow. I've yet to sit down in front of a television and watch an entire baseball game, from first pitch to the last out. Nor do I know many people who can, unless they're at the game life. To do so would be nearing brutality. Between the commercials in between innings and pitching changes, and the time between actual pitches, baseball is a sport made for time wasting and lazy people. That's especially considering how little actual play is going on when they do play. It takes over 3 and a half hours for one baseball game to be over, when there might be 45 minutes of actual playing. And then the 7th inning stretch? What exactly are they stretching from? When you're not batting, you're in the dugout clowning around with your teammates. And when you're in the field 9/10 of the time, you're just standing there hoping for the ball to get hit into play near your area. The result of this is a long-winded, low-action, BORING game...

EDIT: Add to that, the fact that the baseball season is 162 games long. 162 games!!!!! That means 4,860 4-hour games, which is a number I don't even want to attempt to multiply. A long season of long games equal bored fans, which explains why the postseason is so short. It seems like the MLB has it backwards. But hey, who am I to judge?

There couldn't be a more accurate picture in all of the internets...


5. Baseball is just active enough to be called a sport, but is too lazy to be up there with basketball, football, hockey and soccer. As I said in previous points, you really don't have a lot of on-field action, except when the ball is in play. That lends itself to a lot of baseball players being on the less athletic side. But has anyone ever taken a look at some pitchers and designated hitters? Do the names David Wells, Prince Fielder, Mo Vaughn, Carlos Zambrano or David Ortiz ring any bells? If they don't then just picture a fat man wielding a baseball bat or pitching a baseball, and you've got the gist. Seriously, baseball is the only sport where you can be legitimately FAT and still play. Never mind football where even the heftiest of lineman can run the 40 in under 5 seconds. I'd be surprised if any of the guys I listed above can run to the bathroom in under 5 seconds. Baseball just lends itself to being unathletic, yet very athletic in certain capacities, which makes me question it as a sport...

6. The rules in baseball are completely fudged. Only in the MLB can you hit a home run in one park and not hit one in another. Only in the MLB are the fences different heights in different stadiums or the outfields different areas. Only in the MLB is video-evidence eschewed because of the umpire's cataract-filled discerning eye. And only in the MLB do we have different rules for different leagues. Seriously, can baseball get its own rules down pat? How can you allow the designated hitter in the AL and not the NL or vice versa? Shouldn't there be some sort of standard for how the game is played at the professional level? How do I explain that concept to someone who's never watched baseball before (ie: the rest of the developing world sans Latin America & Japan)? I don't think I possess the words to do so, nor should I have to. Professional baseball seems more like a loose affiliation of leagues more than one entity because of these differences, and it takes away from the integrity of the game. Then again, everyone lied about steroids. Baseball doesn't have a lot of integrity to fall back on anyway...

The Census: No One Man Should Have All That Power

PREAMBLE: For those of you who haven't been following the blog since last year, I had a section on it called 'The Census'. The premise behind it was that I would present an issue, then pose a question in a poll, where you, the readers would have the opportunity to vote on it for a week. Unfortunately, the voting got a little sparse, so I canned it... Until now. The Census is back, but now, rather than voting on it, I simply implore you, friends, to chime in in the comments section. One of the reasons I started Dear Whoever was to have an open forum for dialogue on what's going on in the world today. Some of that dialogue takes place through my letters, but I would love it if my readers got some time to voice their opinions. So here goes... This is the first round of the new, kinda improved, Census. Enjoy folks...



I guess the title is a little misleading, considering Justin Bieber is merely a teenager (didn't stop the Power Rangers, though). At the same time, he's not exempt from the rules that govern the social media frenzy that has everyone glued to their computers and phones now. And while we're on the topic of being glue to one's phone, please take a look below to see the kind of influence and power that we give to one man. Justin Bieber retaliated against a failed Twitter hack by tweeting that person's phone number to his 4.5 million fans (source). The fan, Detroit teen Kevin Kristopik, went on to receive over 26,000 texts ranging from laughter to outright hate. His cell phone bill is estimated to be upwards of $5000, given he doesn't have unlimited texting. Cell phone fees aside, is this the kind of society that we live in? Do the frivolities of celebrities enamor us that much that we kowtow to their every beck and call. Truthfully, what did any of those 26,000 text messages do for the people that weren't Justin Bieber. My guess is little to nothing. So I suppose the question is, how did we allow someone to gain that type of influence over people? The same thing happened to the 'chosen one,' a random Twitter user that Kanye West decided to follow. Steven Holmes had to delete his Twitter to get away from the promoters, social media hawks and random bystanders contacting him because of some supposed 'relationship' he had with Kanye. Is it just me or has social networking gotten a little too crazy?

That's what happens to your phone when you mess with Justin Bieber's Twitter...


So tell me people, where do you stand on the power of social media and how much influence we place in the hands of celebrities through that medium? Do we give stars too much pull in our lives? How is it that Justin Bieber can get thousands of fan(atics) to barrage a phone and Kanye can cause a person's social networking experience to crumble? Where do we draw the line between harmless online fun, and jeer-worthy groupthink? Please, please, please throw some comments below. I'd love to hear what you guys think!

Dear Islamophobes

It usually takes a tragic event to polarize people. Something crazy, even unbelievable, has to happen to sway people's opinions, or divide those opinions on an issue. That said, there hasn't been a more polarizing issue in the past decade than the attacks on September 11th. The events of that day sparked a war on two fronts, a deficit stemming from military overspending and an anti-American sentiment around the world. But the most ridiculous fallout from the attacks has less to do with feasible things, and more to do with an undertone that's hit a fever pitch over the past few weeks: Islamophobia.

In New York City, a few blocks away from Ground Zero, where the two towers were felled, a mosque is being planned for construction in the near future. Conservatives, fundamentals, and the cowardly all fall under the same banner when it comes to the construction: Islamophobes. You all have taken fear-mongering to new heights with your opposition to this mosque, and it all stems from anti-Islamic sentiment. I understand that the salty taste left in your mouth from 9/11 makes you want these mosque-builders to hightail it to the nearest cave. But wait a second.... Isn't this America? ...as in, the United States of America, the country whose foundation was built on a bedrock of religious tolerance. Weren't the first settlers coming here in search of religious freedom? That's what I thought! Hell, it's in our Constitution! Why now, are you guys going to try and take that freedom away from a perfectly legitimate entity? I'll tell you why: anger, fear and prejudice. By opposing the mosque, you've basically given credence to the idea of terrorism. The people who planned the 9/11 attacks scared you so much, that you automatically take the aspirations of any Islamic or Muslim individual with a grain of salt. You can't even see past the fact that the construction will feature a community and cultural center, complete with a pool, rec center and community outreach programs for a part of the city that's dying for an adrenaline shot. That's what the terrorists wanted! Fear!

It's not that you should forget the horrors that occurred on September 11th, 2001. It's that there shouldn't be any barriers to peaceful development. I'm tired of people believing that religion should make its way into politics. It certainly affects our political stances, but shouldn't be our litmus test for a person or entity's worth. If the good people at the Cordoba Institute (an advocacy group that promotes improved relations between Islam and the West) wants to build a mosque, let them rock!! Don't use fear-mongering and crocodile tears from 9/11 to push forward an agenda of religious intolerance. That's like going to a different country, destroying their infrastructure, killing their leaders and pushing your religion in their faces, under the guise of democracy. Oh wait... You guys did that too...

Dear Tweeple

Last year, I posted 9 rules for Twitter that stated little, unwritten by-laws for my tweeps that would keep their Twitter experiences as sucka-free as possible. That list was, by no means exhaustive, or exclusive, as we've got 8 more guidelines that will keep your timeline out of the netherworld. They're based on general findings on Twitter and seeing some annoying people polluting my timeline with their balderdash and hullabaloo (love those two words). Follow these, and if so led, follow me @elektrik788. Here goes nothing...

1. Quit tweeting like or re-tweeting Rev Run. Seriously, it's annoying. I understand that people are thirsty for inspiration, but come on... Does any other reverend that you know walk around talking about haters or making up random acronyms for hood terminology? If you find one, please nominate him for a Nobel Prize. Until then, just don't hit 'Tweet'. Imagine Twitter to be a bunch of tables in a lunch room. No one wants to talk to the guy that's walking around, spewing out inspirational quotes. As a matter of fact, people would probably laugh at him. It's not that uplifting dialogue is a bad thing. It's that most people say this stuff but don't live it. I'd rather have my timeline filled with mindless chatter than a sea of wanna-be Rev Runs. Especially when most of the tweets are about as trite and cliche as a summer of Brett Favre announcements.

2. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a rule for the sexes. Gentlemen, stop trying to bag women off Twitter. It's a social networking site, not eHarmony.com. Seriously. Just because you dedicated a #FollowFriday to her, and tweet all of her favorite songs, does not mean she will recognize you in real life or even find you attractive. As a matter of fact, unless you've actually met this person in real life, it would behoove you to NOT act like you're pulling chicks through your 140 characters. And for the ladies, this one is simple: don't be a skeezah over the internets. A few twitpics here and a few suggestive tweets there, and every male follower you have will have the wrong idea about you. It's not that you should be bashful about your sexuality or love of it. It's just that some things are better left un-tweeted, your underwear shots and bathroom pics included.

3. Allow yourself some Twitter-free time people. As much as I love to tweet my little heart out, there are times when I won't be caught dead doing it. At some point you have to run out of poignant or hilarious stuff to say, or you're just not doing anything interesting enough to tweet about. That's when you take a little break. Turn off Twidroyd (or whatever phone app you have), close the browser and go do something that doesn't involve you head buried in your lap as you type away furiously. Not only will it clear your mental registry, you'll remember why you started tweeting in the first place. Newsflash: People can tell when you're constantly on Twitter. Try spending some time away from technology, people.

4. Quit it with the follower rush. By that I mean stop talking about how many followers you have, why you don't have followers, just to name a few topics. Your Twitter isn't a personal vanity mirror for you to see how many people find you funny, cute or insightful, though it may seem that way sometimes. I'm not saying that followers aren't important. To get a message out and to make sure that people on Twitter hear it, you need followers. But followers are gained through saying things that resonate with other people, not desperate pleas for attention or using a #teamfollowback hashtag every 20 minutes. Trust me, no one on #teamfollowback cares what you have to say anyway. You might as well save yourself the tweet...

5. If you're a musician, designer, DJ, or creator of any type of media, don't tweet people with your work unsolicited. Plain as that. And that goes for your fans, too. Don't hit me and 30 other bloggers and 1000 other people you follow with a link to your mixtape, especially if you have no relationship with these folks other than being on Twitter. Not only does it look like you're desperate, but it makes your work look weaker because you have to push it so hard. Good work stands out regardless of how you find it. There's no need to flood my timeline with singles and videos and promo that myself and 95% of the people you send it to won't listen to. You'd be better off just working on your music, designing, DJing than hitting people on Twitter. Chances are, half the people who said they listened, didn't anyway. Also, doing that defeats the purpose of social networking. The key word there is 'networking'. Which chapter of the 'Idiot's Guide to Social Networking' includes pushing your product in people's faces and hoping for a response? I thought so. Build relationships on Twitter, not contact lists...

6. Learn the Twitter protocol, as in @-ing someone, re-tweeting and DMing. Yeah, this is nitpicky. Yet, how many times has a tweet been completely indecipherable because there are 5 different users in it, each re-tweeting with a different format? You might as well not even re-tweet, if the next person who sees it wonders if you and your homeboys have Twitter-dyslexia. I know I'm not the only one who's genuinely irked by seeing sloppy mentions and re-tweets. That goes for @-ing people, too. If the dialogue takes up 4 or more tweets, and is more than public in nature, just DM the person. Or better yet, e-mail, text, IM, Wave, Facebook, or even call the person. Twitter is for short messages and terse conversation, not full-on catching up.

7. I said this in the last post to you, Tweeps, but this is really irking me. People, 1f YuH tYp3 LyK3 DiSz, 1 WiLl uNf0110wH YuH... It's as simple as that. There's nothing cute or cool about misspelling words on purpose. Some terminology needs to be either abbreviated or adjusted for spatial reasons, and other terminology just doesn't lend itself to typing. Making exceptions for those is cool. However, turning your tweet into a mashup of Matrix code, hood ratchetness, and a Rosetta Stone lesson is about as cool as putting rims on a minivan. Not only do you look stupid, everyone riding in that van (retweeting; if anyone does it) looks retarded too. People wonder why literature and writing are going down the shitter. Just one look at Twitter, and we know why. Just because it's the internets, does not mean grammar, spelling, diction, and punctuation go out the window...

8. One of the best parts when I began was the trending topics. At any given point in the day there was a topic or hashtag worth tweeting about. The topics ranged from anything to sports, everyday life, music, or what have you. Now all of the topics are relationship ones, usually bashing the opposite sex. It's either that, or rehashed versions of older topics. It's not that I have a problem with new tweeps getting their try at the #TT's. It's that most of the heads 'going in' on these topics have been going in on them for months now. Give it a rest. We know you don't like hoes. We know you love sex. We know you're pro-Obama on everything and #cantstand a horde of things. Doesn't mean we have to hear about it every day, with a different hashtag attached to it...

9. Point blank, most celebrities have Twitter for one reason, and one reason alone: promotion. If you can't help them with that, aren't one of their personal friends, or don't have anything constructive to say to them, please stop tweeting them as if you were such. These people wouldn't recognize you in a police lineup or walking down the street. What makes you think that they care about your tweets more than the next user? Yeah, that's negative. Yeah, it's sad. But it's true. As a matter of fact, if you keep hitting them up and they don't respon, what does that say about you? Maybe you should focus on having something of worth to tweet about rather than sucking at the kneecaps of Ashton Kutcher and Diddy...

There you have it, tweeps. Another year, and another list of things that will get you unfollowed. Don't take some of these grievances personally, because we're all guilty of them at some point. It's just that some tweeps take them overboard, while others are only momentarily guilty. Take heed, so you don't get labeled 'that guy' on Twitter...

Dear Delusional Cavaliers Fans

The LeBron-athon, and it's subsequent wake is OVER. Let me repeat. The LeBron-athon is OVER. LeBron James is a Miami Heat (they need to work on their subject-verb agreement in the NBA), and is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier. It's over. Cavs fans, it's time you started preparing for a new season without he-who-shall-not-be-named-anymore. The fact that a man can't show up at a Cleveland Indians game (a completely different sport, mind you) donning a different jersey without catching shade is a terrible. You should feel ashamed for trying to kick the guy out of the stadium, when he wasn't even trying to start trouble. Whatever the case from some random Indians game (they're not making the playoffs anyway), it stands to say that you guys still haven't recovered from the LeBron fallout. Mo Williams is going to be your best player going into the season. I don't know whether to feel bad for this season or really good because you'll have a good lottery pick this season. All signs are pointing to a long, long, long season in Cleveland, which makes your anger understandable. What that doesn't do is allow you guys to turn into the stereotypical sports fans you look like in these videos. A guy really can't wear a LeBron Heat jersey to a baseball game without being harassed? It's not even the same sport!!! I could see the ire if he showed up for Cavs opening night decked out in heat gear. Otherwise it just comes off as petty. You mad? (Cam'ron voice) If so, you'd better get used to frustration coming from the basketball court, because it's not going away until you get the #1 pick again. And guess what? No amount of peanuts and beers thrown, LeBron jerseys burned or angry open letters will ever get LeBron James back. He's moved on to bigger and (hopefully) better things. Deal with it, and just watch the damn game...