Dear Reality TV

Is this what we've come to? Really?? Come on TV networks. This is lame. It's lamer than lame. It's not even funny. Let's get this straight. I hate reality television. The idea of people essentially putting their dirty laundry out for people to ogle is ridiculous to me. The private lives of celebrities and wanna-be celebrities probably shouldn't be fodder for our viewing pleasure. That said, I understand why people watch some shows. They like the scripts storylines and get personally drawn in by the actors casts. If that's the case, then why do shows like 'What Chilli Wants' even exist? I feel like damn near every reality tv show nowadays follows one script now:

EVERY REALITY SHOW SCRIPT:
- Has-been celebrity/C-celebrity/wannabe celebrity has some problem that would be trivial to most people (ie: finding a mate, a drug problem, pursuing new work after a fizzling career).
- Enter a 'friend' (aka hired actor) to help counsel the celebrity in their matters.
- The two stumble over the problems and (hopefully) find out the problem isn't even that serious.
- The season ends with the problem unresolved and a whole new season of trivial problems on deck.
- Season 2 comes back with a new problem and new friends.

Now you guys aren't even hiring the actual stars!! It's their bird-brained wives!!


That's a pretty simple premise. Think about all the shows like that: Brandy and Ray J: A Family Business, Salt-N-Pepa Show, What Chilli Wants, Breaking Bonaduce, and numerous other shows that follow the exact same script. You guys don't even try to hide it with different locales!! It's always in Atlanta, NYC, or Los Angeles, in the most artificial of environments. All of the themes are the same. All of the ideas are the same. Hell, some reality TV stars have more than one show (coughcoughthecoughKardashianscoughcough), and if it wasn't for extended casts, they'd be the same show!! Seriously though, clean up these shows. Either head back to the drawing board and find something better to point your cameras at, or at least find some celebrities with something of worth to bring to the telly. If this is what we're raising our kids on, I might just deem myself infertile at age 30...

Dear VH1 (re: Basketball Wives)

Let me say this before I go on: I hate reality television. A) It's barely reality. In fact, the only things that might be real are the names and locations. Other than that its scripts and typecasting. B) It encourages people to lay down their scruples and shame in lieu of some fast cash and 5 minutes of fame. Aspiring actors and models see reality TV as a highway to fame when it's really a deathtrap. C) Reality TV turns people into leeches. Heads really walk around talking about Real & Chance, or Hot Wangz or whoever like these people's lives matter in the long run. Not to say that they're insignificant, but do they really deserve 40 minutes of our time on Sunday nights? I think not.

One of the main culprits of the reality TV takeover is you, VH1. You started out as a music channel, slowly switching your programming up to music specials, to specials with musicians in them, to specials about musicians and their ridiculous lifestyles, to plain old lifestyle TV, the worst of which is reality TV. Your latest foray is 'Basketball Wives,' a show documenting the trials, tribulation and hardships scripted drama, lack of substance and idiocy, of some of the National Basketball Association's best and brightest mediocre yet fame-hungry players. You guys picked a doozy of a concept this time. Not only will there be tons of rich, yet ignorant black people (on the network that refuses to show hip-hop or R&B consistently), you found a way to include basketball!!

But seriously though, VH1. Is this the best you could come up with? After quality (sarcasm) TV like Flava of Love and For the Love of Ray J, you guys take Shaq's ex-wife, Dwight Howard's crazy baby momma, and the exes/significant others of Michael Olowokandi (bust), Antoine Walker (compulsive gambler) and Eric Williams (joruneyman/benchwarmer) and make a reality show about it? Along with being a ridiculous premise, you guys got 'wives' with the depth of a kiddie pool, and inject storylines about groupies, loneliness and money. I'm sorry, VH1, but that is the saddest excuse for a reality TV show ever. If you think I give two flying f*cks about where some trophy wife goes to get her quiche every Tuesday, you're sadly mistaken. As a matter of fact, I'd be hard pressed to find any half-sentient human being who would seriously watch this. Actually, on second thought, this show is probably going to have skyrocketing ratings. You guys have successfully mastered the art of peddling pointless bullshit and making exorbitant amounts of money doing it. At this point, it'd be more surprising if no one watched it, than if people did. Ahh well, VH1, I guess if this venture fails, we can go back to watching I Love New York #7 and hope this year's Hip-Hop Honors doesn't suck...