Dear Outspoken Black Baseball Players

That microphone is as dangerous as a bat in your hands...

Yeah, that's a hell of a title, but I couldn't put it anymore concisely. You see, when you're writing, there's space to really think about what you want to say and to craft it differently if it might be misconstrued. As a writer, it's hilarious seeing people try to speak profoundly, only to have their comments spun into something disrespectful or controversial. Such is the case with two black baseball players, Milton Bradley of the Seattle Mariners and Torii Hunter of the Anaheim Angels. Both players, of the African-American diaspora were quoted in the past week as follows:

Torii Hunter via USA Today:

"People see dark faces out there, and the perception is that they're African American," Los Angeles Angels center fielder Torii Hunter says. "They're not us. They're impostors.

"Even people I know come up and say, 'Hey, what color is Vladimir Guerrero? Is he a black player?' I say, 'Come on, he's Dominican. He's not black.'"

"As African-American players, we have a theory that baseball can go get an imitator and pass them off as us," Hunter says. "It's like they had to get some kind of dark faces, so they go to the Dominican or Venezuela because you can get them cheaper. It's like, 'Why should I get this kid from the South Side of Chicago and have Scott Boras represent him and pay him $5 million when you can get a Dominican guy for a bag of chips?'

Now Torii, I hope you were wondering where the hell your publicist was after this interview, because you more or less just guaranteed that you'd be getting the side-eye from every dark-skinned Hispanic player in the MLB. I understand that you're upset because black players aren't properly represented in the L. Even so, was it really you're place to comment on it? As a matter of fact, will it ever be? You're an MLB player, Torii, not an athletic anthropologist specializing in baseball. Your job is to hit the ball over the fence and catch the ball when it comes to you; nothing more, nothing less. Learn to keep your underlying idiosyncrasies and bigoted (yes, it's considered bigotry even by a black person) under your hat. The media will take your comments out of context (hence the 10 million hits for 'Torii Hunter impostor' on Google) and you will get branded as the 'Angry Black Man,' as most black athletes do at some point. If you're going to criticize anything, criticize the teams for not taking chances on black players. Just don't do it like your homie Milton Bradley...

Milton Bradley via ESPN:

"I was a prisoner in my own home. I pretty much stayed at home, ordered in every day, never went anywhere."

"Well, I mean unless you go out there and you're Superman -- you're Andre Dawson, you're Ernie Banks, you're in the Hall of Fame -- then it's going to be tough," Bradley said. "People are just the way they are.

"When you get paid a lot of money to play this game, they expect miracles. And when you don't go out there and perform like that, then people don't like it. People don't want to see a guy that's brash and cocky and a little arrogant and kind of does his own thing making a lot of money. They were like, 'He doesn't deserve that.'"

Milton Bradley... Along with having the funniest name in baseball (I'm guessing your parents never played board games), you have a serious knack for being a hothead on whatever team you happen to be on. Last year with the Cubs was forgettable to say the least. You had the lowest averages of your career since 2002, and were heavily criticized for how much of a headcase you were. Now, I realize the Chicago Cubs fans are a tough bunch, but at the end of the day, THEY ARE PAYING YOUR SALARY. The booing and comments when you are out on the town should be expected. If you don't want the criticism, retire and open up an overrated restaurant. The hate mail is concerning, but should it really affect you that much? If it got to the point where there were physical threats being made, maybe your case holds some water. Aside from that, it just seems like you're bitching about the treatment you think you should be getting. Newsflash, Milton: You have to earn respect, not perform terribly and get mad when you get booed. It just so happens that you did the latter, and now you're mad. Boo-hoo. Take that other $20 million still on your contract and buy yourself a damn psychologist if it's that serious...

Now, I realize this letter might be somewhat of a shot in the arm for some of you guys, but it needs to be said: WATCH YOUR MOUTH. Every press interview should be treated like a meeting with a court liaison, save the fact that you won't go to jail for your words. As a black athlete, your words are put under the ILLEST of microscopes, regardless of how you mean them. The media are, and always have been vultures. Make sure your words don't become food for them...