Dear Tweeple

Last year, I posted 9 rules for Twitter that stated little, unwritten by-laws for my tweeps that would keep their Twitter experiences as sucka-free as possible. That list was, by no means exhaustive, or exclusive, as we've got 8 more guidelines that will keep your timeline out of the netherworld. They're based on general findings on Twitter and seeing some annoying people polluting my timeline with their balderdash and hullabaloo (love those two words). Follow these, and if so led, follow me @elektrik788. Here goes nothing...

1. Quit tweeting like or re-tweeting Rev Run. Seriously, it's annoying. I understand that people are thirsty for inspiration, but come on... Does any other reverend that you know walk around talking about haters or making up random acronyms for hood terminology? If you find one, please nominate him for a Nobel Prize. Until then, just don't hit 'Tweet'. Imagine Twitter to be a bunch of tables in a lunch room. No one wants to talk to the guy that's walking around, spewing out inspirational quotes. As a matter of fact, people would probably laugh at him. It's not that uplifting dialogue is a bad thing. It's that most people say this stuff but don't live it. I'd rather have my timeline filled with mindless chatter than a sea of wanna-be Rev Runs. Especially when most of the tweets are about as trite and cliche as a summer of Brett Favre announcements.

2. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a rule for the sexes. Gentlemen, stop trying to bag women off Twitter. It's a social networking site, not eHarmony.com. Seriously. Just because you dedicated a #FollowFriday to her, and tweet all of her favorite songs, does not mean she will recognize you in real life or even find you attractive. As a matter of fact, unless you've actually met this person in real life, it would behoove you to NOT act like you're pulling chicks through your 140 characters. And for the ladies, this one is simple: don't be a skeezah over the internets. A few twitpics here and a few suggestive tweets there, and every male follower you have will have the wrong idea about you. It's not that you should be bashful about your sexuality or love of it. It's just that some things are better left un-tweeted, your underwear shots and bathroom pics included.

3. Allow yourself some Twitter-free time people. As much as I love to tweet my little heart out, there are times when I won't be caught dead doing it. At some point you have to run out of poignant or hilarious stuff to say, or you're just not doing anything interesting enough to tweet about. That's when you take a little break. Turn off Twidroyd (or whatever phone app you have), close the browser and go do something that doesn't involve you head buried in your lap as you type away furiously. Not only will it clear your mental registry, you'll remember why you started tweeting in the first place. Newsflash: People can tell when you're constantly on Twitter. Try spending some time away from technology, people.

4. Quit it with the follower rush. By that I mean stop talking about how many followers you have, why you don't have followers, just to name a few topics. Your Twitter isn't a personal vanity mirror for you to see how many people find you funny, cute or insightful, though it may seem that way sometimes. I'm not saying that followers aren't important. To get a message out and to make sure that people on Twitter hear it, you need followers. But followers are gained through saying things that resonate with other people, not desperate pleas for attention or using a #teamfollowback hashtag every 20 minutes. Trust me, no one on #teamfollowback cares what you have to say anyway. You might as well save yourself the tweet...

5. If you're a musician, designer, DJ, or creator of any type of media, don't tweet people with your work unsolicited. Plain as that. And that goes for your fans, too. Don't hit me and 30 other bloggers and 1000 other people you follow with a link to your mixtape, especially if you have no relationship with these folks other than being on Twitter. Not only does it look like you're desperate, but it makes your work look weaker because you have to push it so hard. Good work stands out regardless of how you find it. There's no need to flood my timeline with singles and videos and promo that myself and 95% of the people you send it to won't listen to. You'd be better off just working on your music, designing, DJing than hitting people on Twitter. Chances are, half the people who said they listened, didn't anyway. Also, doing that defeats the purpose of social networking. The key word there is 'networking'. Which chapter of the 'Idiot's Guide to Social Networking' includes pushing your product in people's faces and hoping for a response? I thought so. Build relationships on Twitter, not contact lists...

6. Learn the Twitter protocol, as in @-ing someone, re-tweeting and DMing. Yeah, this is nitpicky. Yet, how many times has a tweet been completely indecipherable because there are 5 different users in it, each re-tweeting with a different format? You might as well not even re-tweet, if the next person who sees it wonders if you and your homeboys have Twitter-dyslexia. I know I'm not the only one who's genuinely irked by seeing sloppy mentions and re-tweets. That goes for @-ing people, too. If the dialogue takes up 4 or more tweets, and is more than public in nature, just DM the person. Or better yet, e-mail, text, IM, Wave, Facebook, or even call the person. Twitter is for short messages and terse conversation, not full-on catching up.

7. I said this in the last post to you, Tweeps, but this is really irking me. People, 1f YuH tYp3 LyK3 DiSz, 1 WiLl uNf0110wH YuH... It's as simple as that. There's nothing cute or cool about misspelling words on purpose. Some terminology needs to be either abbreviated or adjusted for spatial reasons, and other terminology just doesn't lend itself to typing. Making exceptions for those is cool. However, turning your tweet into a mashup of Matrix code, hood ratchetness, and a Rosetta Stone lesson is about as cool as putting rims on a minivan. Not only do you look stupid, everyone riding in that van (retweeting; if anyone does it) looks retarded too. People wonder why literature and writing are going down the shitter. Just one look at Twitter, and we know why. Just because it's the internets, does not mean grammar, spelling, diction, and punctuation go out the window...

8. One of the best parts when I began was the trending topics. At any given point in the day there was a topic or hashtag worth tweeting about. The topics ranged from anything to sports, everyday life, music, or what have you. Now all of the topics are relationship ones, usually bashing the opposite sex. It's either that, or rehashed versions of older topics. It's not that I have a problem with new tweeps getting their try at the #TT's. It's that most of the heads 'going in' on these topics have been going in on them for months now. Give it a rest. We know you don't like hoes. We know you love sex. We know you're pro-Obama on everything and #cantstand a horde of things. Doesn't mean we have to hear about it every day, with a different hashtag attached to it...

9. Point blank, most celebrities have Twitter for one reason, and one reason alone: promotion. If you can't help them with that, aren't one of their personal friends, or don't have anything constructive to say to them, please stop tweeting them as if you were such. These people wouldn't recognize you in a police lineup or walking down the street. What makes you think that they care about your tweets more than the next user? Yeah, that's negative. Yeah, it's sad. But it's true. As a matter of fact, if you keep hitting them up and they don't respon, what does that say about you? Maybe you should focus on having something of worth to tweet about rather than sucking at the kneecaps of Ashton Kutcher and Diddy...

There you have it, tweeps. Another year, and another list of things that will get you unfollowed. Don't take some of these grievances personally, because we're all guilty of them at some point. It's just that some tweeps take them overboard, while others are only momentarily guilty. Take heed, so you don't get labeled 'that guy' on Twitter...

Dear Pentagon

PROLOGUE (if you can call it that): Before you get into the letter, make sure to check out 'The War Logs', a series of previously-classified military documents outlining many inconsistencies in what the government has told us, and what is really going on in Afghanistan and Iraq. - via The New York Times

Wait, wait, wait, wait.... Let me get this straight. We've been at war in Afghanistan for almost 10 years now, fighting off not only Al-Quaeda and the Taliban, thinking that the $1 billion in aid we sent to Pakistan was to help us against militants. Now, we find out that the Pakistani government has been underhandedly helping out those same insurgents we were trying to fight??? C'mon son... Something about this war has seemed fishier than Neffe's nether regions. I've thought that since 2001, and the leaks from Wikileaks proved my suspicions right.

Pentagon, can you FINALLY admit, that this 'War on Terrorism' isn't working?

SIDENOTE: Anyone notice that when America goes to war against something that isn't a specific country or entity of countries, it doesn't work?? (see: war on drugs, war on terrorism, Prohibition)

Since 2001, after the September 11th attacks, over $3 TRILLION have been spent on defense and military intelligence, operations and planning. That's right: over $3,000,000,000,000 for these specific purposes (if my knowledge and research is correct):

1) To find weapons of mass destruction.
2) To find Osama bin Laden, his weapons of mass destruction, and figure out his role in 9/11.
3) To completely destroy the infrastructure and governments of Afghanistan and Iraq under the facade of democracy building, while embarking on a monumental oil rush.
4) To finish George H.W. Bush's beef with Saddam Hussein.

Okay, so 3 and 4 get scratched because that's not what 'good' Americans do, and because a federal agent would snipe me in my apartment window otherwise. Pentagon, what does that leave as our goals from this decade-long endeavor? To find WMD's and Osama bin Laden. Hmmmmm... The last time I checked, we still haven't found as much as a tommy-gun we didn't know about in Afghanistan or Iraq. In fact, most of the weapons in those countries, we brought in. Also, the last I checked, bin Laden was still shacked up, chilling, in some region we don't know exists. The last guy who got close to him wasn't even with you guys, and you arrested him! What do those facts, along with the recent unearthing of these 'secret' military reports tell me, Pentagon? They tell me that the administrative systems in place to regulate our military spending SUCK. They tell me that military spending in general is too great compared to the returns. They tell me that our troops are over in the Middle East fighting for things that might not exist, and to find people who can't be found. They tell me that George Dubya had his head up his ass when he was planning this with his people. But most of all, they show ridiculous inefficiency and huge divides in our military systems, including the Armed Forces and CIA.

Why is it that our military was so naive entering this war? I mean, did you really think you'd be able to simply storm these countries, take down their leaders, convince their people that your way was best, convert them to democracy, and then everything be peachy? I can tell you one thing: no country is going to embrace your ideals, much less if you're killing civilians and causing complete social upheaval. You're like the dumb bear who smacks up the beehive hoping to get honey, not realizing those bees aren't just going to fall asleep and let you get your fill, Winnie. This isn't the playground, where you can pick on the little guy and not expect repercussions on your side. This is war... and a severely underestimated one, at that. That we're finding out about so many inaccuracies on your side isn't as much a surprise as the biggest one: the whole Pakistani spies aiding insurgents thing. That's just sad... $9 billion worth of sadness. And to think, we've been in a recession this whole time. So much for war profiteering helping the nation stabilize. Word to the Great Depression and World War II...

Dear Outspoken Black Baseball Players

That microphone is as dangerous as a bat in your hands...

Yeah, that's a hell of a title, but I couldn't put it anymore concisely. You see, when you're writing, there's space to really think about what you want to say and to craft it differently if it might be misconstrued. As a writer, it's hilarious seeing people try to speak profoundly, only to have their comments spun into something disrespectful or controversial. Such is the case with two black baseball players, Milton Bradley of the Seattle Mariners and Torii Hunter of the Anaheim Angels. Both players, of the African-American diaspora were quoted in the past week as follows:

Torii Hunter via USA Today:

"People see dark faces out there, and the perception is that they're African American," Los Angeles Angels center fielder Torii Hunter says. "They're not us. They're impostors.

"Even people I know come up and say, 'Hey, what color is Vladimir Guerrero? Is he a black player?' I say, 'Come on, he's Dominican. He's not black.'"

"As African-American players, we have a theory that baseball can go get an imitator and pass them off as us," Hunter says. "It's like they had to get some kind of dark faces, so they go to the Dominican or Venezuela because you can get them cheaper. It's like, 'Why should I get this kid from the South Side of Chicago and have Scott Boras represent him and pay him $5 million when you can get a Dominican guy for a bag of chips?'

Now Torii, I hope you were wondering where the hell your publicist was after this interview, because you more or less just guaranteed that you'd be getting the side-eye from every dark-skinned Hispanic player in the MLB. I understand that you're upset because black players aren't properly represented in the L. Even so, was it really you're place to comment on it? As a matter of fact, will it ever be? You're an MLB player, Torii, not an athletic anthropologist specializing in baseball. Your job is to hit the ball over the fence and catch the ball when it comes to you; nothing more, nothing less. Learn to keep your underlying idiosyncrasies and bigoted (yes, it's considered bigotry even by a black person) under your hat. The media will take your comments out of context (hence the 10 million hits for 'Torii Hunter impostor' on Google) and you will get branded as the 'Angry Black Man,' as most black athletes do at some point. If you're going to criticize anything, criticize the teams for not taking chances on black players. Just don't do it like your homie Milton Bradley...

Milton Bradley via ESPN:

"I was a prisoner in my own home. I pretty much stayed at home, ordered in every day, never went anywhere."

"Well, I mean unless you go out there and you're Superman -- you're Andre Dawson, you're Ernie Banks, you're in the Hall of Fame -- then it's going to be tough," Bradley said. "People are just the way they are.

"When you get paid a lot of money to play this game, they expect miracles. And when you don't go out there and perform like that, then people don't like it. People don't want to see a guy that's brash and cocky and a little arrogant and kind of does his own thing making a lot of money. They were like, 'He doesn't deserve that.'"

Milton Bradley... Along with having the funniest name in baseball (I'm guessing your parents never played board games), you have a serious knack for being a hothead on whatever team you happen to be on. Last year with the Cubs was forgettable to say the least. You had the lowest averages of your career since 2002, and were heavily criticized for how much of a headcase you were. Now, I realize the Chicago Cubs fans are a tough bunch, but at the end of the day, THEY ARE PAYING YOUR SALARY. The booing and comments when you are out on the town should be expected. If you don't want the criticism, retire and open up an overrated restaurant. The hate mail is concerning, but should it really affect you that much? If it got to the point where there were physical threats being made, maybe your case holds some water. Aside from that, it just seems like you're bitching about the treatment you think you should be getting. Newsflash, Milton: You have to earn respect, not perform terribly and get mad when you get booed. It just so happens that you did the latter, and now you're mad. Boo-hoo. Take that other $20 million still on your contract and buy yourself a damn psychologist if it's that serious...

Now, I realize this letter might be somewhat of a shot in the arm for some of you guys, but it needs to be said: WATCH YOUR MOUTH. Every press interview should be treated like a meeting with a court liaison, save the fact that you won't go to jail for your words. As a black athlete, your words are put under the ILLEST of microscopes, regardless of how you mean them. The media are, and always have been vultures. Make sure your words don't become food for them...

Dear Waka Flocka Flame

Keeping it Real, like a very famous comedian once said (if you need the name, off yourself), is the most used phrase in the world. Everyone likes to keep it real. The question, however, is whether everyone can keep it real. Most people say they keep it real, but then when faced with the opportunity to do such, either keep it extra fake or, worse, keep it too real. Therein lies the problem: How real is too real? Does realism stop because of a less-than-honorable cause, or should we keep it real regardless?

via AllHipHop.com:

Waka Flocka Flame is currently in the recording studio working on completing his goal of releasing twenty street albums by 2011. Three releases are currently on deck, including Salute Me or Shoot Me Volumes 2 and 3 and the studio album Murda Man Flocka. Waka, who is a member of 1017 Brick Squad, will travel to New York this week to make an appearance on BET’s 106 & Park countdown show.

Enter Waka Flocka Flame (FLOCKA!!!!). You are one of my new favorite rappers, simply because you keeps it real. Waka, you don't try to fool hip-hop. Unlike 95% of the industry, who hide behind a guise of lyricism and try to dupe the masses into believing their raps are superior, you keep it 100. Your lyrics are non-existent, and you have absolutely no problem with that, and now, I have no problem with that. Waka, I can respect your hustle (this is when 'hustle' should be used) because besides making money and getting shot over a chain, you don't bother anyone. You stay in your lane of making ignorant catchy tunes and doing shows and are making BANK off of that. In fact, by saying that the lyrical cats in hip-hop aren't making money, you may have made one of the best points I've ever heard! Infectious singles make stars (for the most part), not punchlines and metaphors. I'm not going to sit here and say that I condone that (I wouldn't be keeping it real), but it's a valid assertion, Waka.

For what it's worth, your music is catchy in that 'I'm at a club with a drink in hand and nonsense on my mind' way. At the same time, it's never going to make me press rewind or be on my shortlist of best lyrical songs. As long as you're okay with that, I'm okay with that. Like you said, you have no wife, no kids, a brand new house, cars and are doing shows for over $15,000 each. And that all came from an admitted non-lyrical track that shot up the charts. AND you have another 20 albums on the way?? Waka, that is trill, to say the least. If more people kept it as real as you did, there would be no reason for the rap vs. hip-hop debate. The lanes would be clear, and everyone would have their slice of the pie...