Dear Racism Whistle-Blowers

If he falls off this mountain, is the mountain now a racist?

'It's because I'm black!'

'Man, that's racist!'

'How can you do that, as a black man?'

'Don't you know that (supposedly racist act) originated in (racially-charged event)?'

The list could go on forever... Of all the things that irk me to no end, I think the one that has stood out lately is you, the prototypical racism whistle-blower. We all know about planking now, thanks to Twitter. The craze started out months ago in New Zealand as a twist on the 'lying down' game, and grew to notoriety when an unsuspecting planker died after tumbling down a mountain. Yet, in recent weeks the fad has grown to a fever pitch, conspicuously making its rounds in the mainstream media and the black community. As with many crazes, I was quick to dismiss it, simply because it is a case of major groupthink and the world has many other issues to deal with other than people lying face-down in random locations.

Yet you racism whistle-blowers had to take it to that level. People always get on blacks and other minorities for pulling out the race card at unscrupulous intervals... And predictably, we get mad, championing the sacrifices of our ancestors and claiming that we shouldn't be delving into certain things because of the racially-charged histories behind them. Planking has received the same treatment, with hoards of you whistle-blowers alluding to the triangular trade practice of stacking slaves on top of one another in slave ships to conserve space. Now, I understand why you would make this comparison. They look pretty darn similar. Hell, they might've even used the same term to describe it... But consider this: NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE RACIST!

Why is it that nothing can pass through the lens of a black 'radical' without having 'Bigot' branded on its forehead? Are we that desperate for talking points to continue the 'struggle', that something created purely in fun can't be left alone? I'll take a wild guess that when people began planking again, slave ships were the farthest thing from their minds. And by that token, I don't think that some 21st-century fad was on the mind of slave dealers when they were planking slaves. Trying to elicit an air of causation from either side is not only reaching, but silly. Yes, the link is there. But it doesn't mean the link is automatically valid or worth causing a kerfuffle about. Whistle-blowers, let me end on this: why not focus on racism that actually affects us like... I don't know... Tea partiers, or Clarence Thomas, or Michelle Bachman? Either that or go walk a plank... Seriously.

Dear Lupe Fiasco

If there's one thing that bothers me about 'conscious MCs' (the terms sucks, but that's another post), it's that they feel comfortable discussing politics on a large forum, regardless of how wacked out their opinions are. Just because you are an MC that follows politics, does not mean that you have an open invitation to be on a soapbox 24/7. Lupe, I've had it up to here *raises hand above head* with you and your constant diatribes regarding politics, President Obama, or what have you.

First of all, Lu, why don't you vote? Are you out of your mind? You sit there and say that if a politician doesn't represent your agenda then you can't endorse him... WHAT? That's like saying that if a football team doesn't call the play you're screaming from your couch, then you'll cease to become a fan. NEWSFLASH: Politicians aren't your puppets, nor can you dictate the direction that their allegiances lie. You'd be better off trying to teach a doorknob how to bark. That you decry the merits of voting simply because no candidate has dropped a hand-written letter to Wasalu Muhammad Jaco, asking for your endorsement is sickening. Yes, the American political system is fatally flawed. Yes, we have a whole fistful of assholes in places of power. Yet the way to change this system isn't to sit on your ass and talk about why candidates don't suit your needs. The solution is to VOTE! Get up off your ass, vote for your Congressmen, Representatives, Mayors, Attorney Generals, Senators or whoever, so we can get good people in office, instead of talking out of your ass.



Second of all, where do you get off calling Obama a terrorist? You can sugarcoat it all you want, but you said the words. Stand by them. Like I said above, no politician is there to serve your exact needs. If they did, they'd only have one voter: YOU. Either way, calling Obama a terrorist because of some supposed link to war-mongering is not only ignorant, but extremely short-sighted. Do I agree with everything that Barack Hussein Obama has done in his almost 3 years in office? Absolutely not. Yet, not everything is of his decree. As much as I'd love for Barack to end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, it's not like he can pull an 'I Dream of Jeanie', wiggle his nose, and suddenly have every US troop, envoy and diplomat back in the country. As much as I hate the amount of money dedicated to the military, I'm not sure Barack is going to stand in front of a tank and do his best Tiananmen Square impression. These things take time and diplomacy, something that Barack is a lot better than you at. Give the man a break. He's got the GOP putting up a steel-reinforced brick wall in front of all his initiatives, a crumbling economy and infrastructure, and little to no help from his own party. You'd think that being such a polarizing figure yourself, you'd have a little empathy for Barack. Maybe it's all of that hair pulling the nutrients from your brain...

Thirdly, there's a distinct difference between a fact and an opinion, Lupe. It's obvious that you've got the lines blurred to monumental levels. Where have you come up with some of these theories? The last time I checked, every one of your claims is completely unfounded. Did Wikileaks come out of nowhere with a new round of leaks that they only sent out to you? Or has Barack been having secret meetings with you on the weekends discussing foreign and domestic policy? Somehow I think neither of those happened, so where are you getting your intel from? If FOX News is one end of the spectrum, then I'm pretty sure that your recent comments are at the other end of the Loony-o-meter.

Finally, Lupe, I'm tired of you yammering your mouth. From about early 2010, you've been on this 'holier than thou' escapade where you fling mud at everyone who doesn't agree with you. You sound childish. Being one of my favorite rappers, it was an arduous task trying to defend your words, but it's gotten to be too much. It's almost like you're trying to make people dislike you. LASERS might've sold a million and counting, but you're losing supporters at just as fast a pace. As much as you've made good music with intricate social commentary, that doesn't give you a free pass to become a political pundit. No, I'm not sitting here trying to quell your desire for political change, Lupe. In fact, in terms of overall zeal, you're probably one of the few MCs who has the cojones to say what's on his mind. I'm just imploring, begging, pleading with you. Please get your facts and head on straight, man. It's like watching Jack Nicholson being brought into the lobotomy room in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest; sad, yet you couldn't help but predict it. Do me a favor, Lupe. Make some good music so defending your outlandish political views doesn't become a case of cognitive dissonance.

Dear General McChrystal

Yeah.. My pimp hand is to be reckoned with...

via The New York Times:

By the time he woke up Wednesday morning, President Obama had made up his mind.

During the 36 frenetic hours since he had been handed an article from the coming issue of Rolling Stone ominously headlined “The Runaway General,” the president weighed the consequences of cashiering Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal, whose contemptuous comments about senior officials had ignited a firestorm.

Mr. Obama, aides say, consulted with advisers — some, like Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates, who warned of the dangers of replacing General McChrystal, others, like his political advisers, who thought he had to go. He reached out for advice to a soldier-statesman, Colin L. Powell. He identified a possible successor to lead the war in Afghanistan.

And then, finally, the president ended General McChrystal’s command in a meeting that lasted only 20 minutes. According to one aide, the general apologized, offered his resignation and did not lobby for his job.

After a seesaw debate among White House officials, “there was a basic meeting of the minds,” said Rahm Emanuel, the White House chief of staff and a major player in the deliberations. “This was not good for the mission, the military and morale,” Mr. Emanuel said.

I never thought I'd be quoting 50 Cent to start out a letter. Then again, I never thought George Bush would get re-elected in 2004 and we all know how that ended. Yet, 50 sheds some great knowledge on 'Patiently Waiting':

You shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house / and if you got a glass jaw, you should watch your mouth

It's pretty sad that you're not a rap fan, General McChrystal, though even a blind man could've seen your termination happening after your comments in Rolling Stone against Obama's administration and their handling of the ongoing war in the Middle East. My question is, did you really think you'd be able to pull that off? I mean, seriously, Rolling Stone is one of the most famous magazines in history, read worldwide by millions of aging punk rock fans with their post-60s & 70s ideals of democracy and foreign policy. If there was any magazine not to bash the President and his people in, it was Rolling Stone. Also, what was up with how you were acting in the spread? You more or less personified every redneck to ever grace a voting booth in the interview. What kind of military representative begins an interview by giving the interviewer the finger? I thought we were past the whole MTV-age, shock value publicity stunts. Next, why would you call a dinner with a French dignitary gay? My man, you sound like a 12-year-old with a limited vocabulary.

I'm not going to lie though. I don't support the war. Obama should've had a better plan for exit, rather than leaving it up to the military to finish what they know they couldn't complete. That said, whining about it to the press doesn't do the military, or more importantly, you, any good. Making snide remarks about the boos on any other job will get you canned faster than tuna fish. Doing it with the President will likely have a WMD mailed to your front step. Okay, maybe not that serious, but you'll definitely have time to look out for it, now that you've been replaced. At the same time, I don't even feel sorry about you, considering how much movearound there is among the political ranks these days. You should have another gig in no time. Maybe this time you won't get drunk with your gun-wielding people and start mouthing off about stuff you have no business talking about...

Dear Slim Thug

Houston, we have a problem... Relationship-wise, that is...

via VIBE Magazine

The way Black people think in general is messed up. Both men and women need to change their way of thinking. It’s hard to trust a Black woman [sometimes] because a lot of Black women’s mind frame is that the man gotta do everything for her⎯ he gotta pay for this, he gotta pay for that, and if it ain’t about money then a lot of them ain’t fucking with him. If that’s what you’re here for then I don’t want to be with you

Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct. We’re important. It’s hard to find us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start working hard; they gotta start cooking and being down for they man more. They can’t just be running around with their head up in the air and passing all of us. I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be fucking with me about it saying, “Y’all gotta go through all that shit [but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other shit.”My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the shit that I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that. She don’t be begging and I don’t gotta buy her all this crazy ass shit. And she’s a smart girl too. She graduated from Columbia [University] and I like that about her so it’s cool. I’ve dated girls that will buy a $3,000 bag and don’t know how to pay it off on their credit cards. They walk around in these Louis Vuittons and red bottoms but they’re riding around in raggedy cars, so it’s just getting your priorities right.

White women treat they man like a king and Black women feel like they ain’t gotta do that shit. Black women need to stand by their man more. Don’t always put the pressure of if I’m fucking with you, you gotta buy me this and that. Black men are the ones that motherfuckers need [but] I think a lot of them need to step it up too. A Black man who gets a little bread will go make it rain in the club and be broke the next day or instead of him going to invest in a business he gonna go buy new jewelry or a new car and still live in the hood. Black peoples’ mentality is real fucked up in general [and] it’s affecting everything. Black women need to be more genuine and be more 50/50 [but] It should be a fair exchange in a relationship period or eventually somebody is gonna feel like they’re getting fucked over whether it’s the woman or the man. I think that will help Black relationships out a lot.

Let me say this first: I haven't listened to anything Slim Thug-related since his failed foray into the mainstream with Pharrell, 'I Ain't Heard of That'. Aside from that, and a heavy 2005 stint with Mike Jones and the rest of the Swishahouse gang, Slim Thugga is an afterthought in my hip-hop world. That said, Slim, I can't really be too mad at you for saying something even remotely outlandish to cast your name into the spotlight for even a vague hour on Twitter. But we're not here to talk about your fame, my G. We've got to discuss this nice little VIBE interview you had 2 days ago.

First of all, Slim, where do you get off as the voice of black men? Percentage wise, you represent such a small spectrum of black males, that it is impossible for you to have an adequate perspective on relationships. I mean, can you honestly say that you've had a "real" relationship (not to throw salt on your current one; I'm sure she's wonderful) since you've been a rapper? The rap game is notorious for introducing previously well-grounded young black men to harems of she-wolves, only for those same rappers to turn around and disrespect every woman they meet after that. So, is this interview you speaking as a regular, everyday, average black man with a mixed girlfriend, or you as a regular man turned rapper (with the body count to prove it) with a mixed girlfriend? My guess is, the latter. As a rapper you're in no position to comment on the romantic and social standing of the rest of us, especially when you make songs specifically made for strippers to 'drop it low,' 'pop their p*ssies,' and other vulgarities that won't make it onto this blog.

Second of all, why even bring up your 'brother' and his white woman? That's like saying a homophobic comment and then saying 'But I have gay friends!' as a qualifier. Your point there is completely moot, my dude. How do you know tha A) your brother isn't lying out of his diamond-encrusted teeth, B) your brother isn't the .000000001% of interracial relationships that has no problems, or C) his wife is just plain-old docile to begin with?

Note to EVERYONE: Just because you have a friend, cousin, uncle, auntie, sister, co-worker, landlord or any other acquaintance that X is true for, does not mean that X is true for every person. Quit generalizing and take every instance at face value.

Slim Thugga, it would seem as if your intellect were pretty darn slim in its own right if you believe that man's marriage has no problems. Every marriage has its high points and its low points. Doesn't mean one marriage (or race in marriage) is better than another. Don't downplay all sisters because your 'brother's' marriage is seemingly perfect.

Third of all, Slim, your half-white, half-black girlfriend, while she's probably a nice person, is not the end all be-all of relationships. Just because every woman that you've messed with before her was trifling and had a credit score lower than her self-esteem, doesn't mean your current shorty won't be just as trife. You seem to think that a college degree and mixed-heritage are the only signifiers of a good catch. Whatever happened to a good listener, a shoulder to lean on or someone good with kids? All of the traits you listed of black people at the end?? Yes, they are sad. But are you really going to let a part of Black society represent the whole in your mind? That seems very silly, Mr. Thomas. I think you need some work on your relationship and societal ideals, quickly.

Slim, it's because of people like you that black men and women are so fragmented. Instead of pointing out differences and pointing fingers at what the other sex should do, you should be figuring out ways to bring us together. Stop with the CNN/MSNBC/Dateline backlash and support black women as a whole, rather than villifying those that are somewhat trifling. Maybe then their ideal of a good man won't have to do with the size of his wallet, but the size of his heart. Maybe then, black men won't be as quick to hop in the sack with anything with a pulse and scar these women in the first place. Maybe then, you won't be having drawn out debates on Twitter about relationships that you have no clue about. I understand that this is spot reporting, and that much of what you said could be misconstrued. Yet, were the words VIBE put on their website that far from what you really mean? I doubt it. Not to belittle your intelligence, but you don't seem like the sharpest tack in the box. Maybe you should leave the relationship talk to Steve Harvey, and get back to niche performing in Houston. It'll at least be a safe zone, where you can clown on all the tricks you want without sounding like a jackass...

Dear Outspoken Black Baseball Players

That microphone is as dangerous as a bat in your hands...

Yeah, that's a hell of a title, but I couldn't put it anymore concisely. You see, when you're writing, there's space to really think about what you want to say and to craft it differently if it might be misconstrued. As a writer, it's hilarious seeing people try to speak profoundly, only to have their comments spun into something disrespectful or controversial. Such is the case with two black baseball players, Milton Bradley of the Seattle Mariners and Torii Hunter of the Anaheim Angels. Both players, of the African-American diaspora were quoted in the past week as follows:

Torii Hunter via USA Today:

"People see dark faces out there, and the perception is that they're African American," Los Angeles Angels center fielder Torii Hunter says. "They're not us. They're impostors.

"Even people I know come up and say, 'Hey, what color is Vladimir Guerrero? Is he a black player?' I say, 'Come on, he's Dominican. He's not black.'"

"As African-American players, we have a theory that baseball can go get an imitator and pass them off as us," Hunter says. "It's like they had to get some kind of dark faces, so they go to the Dominican or Venezuela because you can get them cheaper. It's like, 'Why should I get this kid from the South Side of Chicago and have Scott Boras represent him and pay him $5 million when you can get a Dominican guy for a bag of chips?'

Now Torii, I hope you were wondering where the hell your publicist was after this interview, because you more or less just guaranteed that you'd be getting the side-eye from every dark-skinned Hispanic player in the MLB. I understand that you're upset because black players aren't properly represented in the L. Even so, was it really you're place to comment on it? As a matter of fact, will it ever be? You're an MLB player, Torii, not an athletic anthropologist specializing in baseball. Your job is to hit the ball over the fence and catch the ball when it comes to you; nothing more, nothing less. Learn to keep your underlying idiosyncrasies and bigoted (yes, it's considered bigotry even by a black person) under your hat. The media will take your comments out of context (hence the 10 million hits for 'Torii Hunter impostor' on Google) and you will get branded as the 'Angry Black Man,' as most black athletes do at some point. If you're going to criticize anything, criticize the teams for not taking chances on black players. Just don't do it like your homie Milton Bradley...

Milton Bradley via ESPN:

"I was a prisoner in my own home. I pretty much stayed at home, ordered in every day, never went anywhere."

"Well, I mean unless you go out there and you're Superman -- you're Andre Dawson, you're Ernie Banks, you're in the Hall of Fame -- then it's going to be tough," Bradley said. "People are just the way they are.

"When you get paid a lot of money to play this game, they expect miracles. And when you don't go out there and perform like that, then people don't like it. People don't want to see a guy that's brash and cocky and a little arrogant and kind of does his own thing making a lot of money. They were like, 'He doesn't deserve that.'"

Milton Bradley... Along with having the funniest name in baseball (I'm guessing your parents never played board games), you have a serious knack for being a hothead on whatever team you happen to be on. Last year with the Cubs was forgettable to say the least. You had the lowest averages of your career since 2002, and were heavily criticized for how much of a headcase you were. Now, I realize the Chicago Cubs fans are a tough bunch, but at the end of the day, THEY ARE PAYING YOUR SALARY. The booing and comments when you are out on the town should be expected. If you don't want the criticism, retire and open up an overrated restaurant. The hate mail is concerning, but should it really affect you that much? If it got to the point where there were physical threats being made, maybe your case holds some water. Aside from that, it just seems like you're bitching about the treatment you think you should be getting. Newsflash, Milton: You have to earn respect, not perform terribly and get mad when you get booed. It just so happens that you did the latter, and now you're mad. Boo-hoo. Take that other $20 million still on your contract and buy yourself a damn psychologist if it's that serious...

Now, I realize this letter might be somewhat of a shot in the arm for some of you guys, but it needs to be said: WATCH YOUR MOUTH. Every press interview should be treated like a meeting with a court liaison, save the fact that you won't go to jail for your words. As a black athlete, your words are put under the ILLEST of microscopes, regardless of how you mean them. The media are, and always have been vultures. Make sure your words don't become food for them...