Dear Donald Trump

If 'the Man' were a real person, I'd imagine his physical make-up to be something like this:

- white, Anglo-Saxon male
- the brain of Sarah Palin
- the enraptured soul of Ronald Reagan
- the torso of Ed Wuncler (word to Aaron McGruder)
- the physical fortitude of a newborn kitten
- the voice of Glenn Beck

... and last, but not least, the hair of none other than you, Donald Mothaf*ckin Trump. Your comb-overed idiocy never really registered on my Richter Scale, simply because you were too much of a big wig, fat-walleted blowhole to really matter. Your forays into real estate (yes, they did some wonders for the NYC skyline) have turned your already inflated ego into a gargantuan facade, much like those said buildings. Hell, even your show is an overstated testament to how important you believe yourself to be. Now that it's 2011, and the 2012 Presidential Election race has had its unofficial start, the talk of your impending run as a GOP candidate has me scratching my head, and wondering 'Are we really taking this guy seriously?'

Take your announcement for your campaign, and subsequent latching on to the 'Birther' movement. You claim that Obama wasn't born in this country and that his whereabouts are beyond questionable. You constantly allude to a missing birth certificate, as if it hasn't been proven repeatedly that President Obama was indeed born in Hawaii, citing the lack of a 'birth certificate'. Newsflash, Trump. In Hawaii, the document is called a 'Certificate of Live Birth' and is the equivalent of what you would call a birth certificate (the whole discrepancy is reminiscent of every state's little legislative differences, that your party seeks to protect, so why the contradiction?).

Next, you attack Obama's academic record, saying that his status as a Harvard and Columbia grad is a farce, and that his Ivy League matriculation was 'undeserved'. Look at you, Trump! Your dad was a real estate tycoon, and you most likely got into UPenn based off his connections than anything. How can you try to discredit another man's rise in academics, when you got around on your daddy's name? How can you try and mudsling on another man's merit, when you've proven through your own grandiose lifestyle that you have little to merit yourself? I'll tell you why... It's because you have little if any platform to run on, and are essentially running on a 'F*ck Obama' campaign.

Where are YOUR political credentials? Where do YOU stand on the issues? So far, everything that's come out of your mouth is a hair away from slanderous and has little if anything to do with improving the nation or its economy. It's like you have nothing to add to the discussion so you're going to fling mud at everyone else in some vain attempt to hide your own lack of expertise or political savvy. It's sickening, Trump. Do you have ANYTHING to add to the conversation other than slander? Then you've got numbskulls like Sarah Palin giving you pats on the back? Come on, son... If Sarah Palin is endorsing you, then there's something terribly wrong with what you're saying.

You stand for everything bad about the GOP: distortion of fact, lack of discernable political intelligence, and an overall hubris that will eventually be you and your party's demise. Never mind the fact that the GOP has no candidates worth the pieces of paper they're balloted on. Never mind the fact that you'd be the 2nd GOP candidate to have a reality TV show. You're just out of line. Why don't you just flip that combover over to reveal the vacuous abyss that is your mind, and let the American people see just what you're made out of: money and nothing more. Then again, so are most of the GOP hopefuls. Why don't we just chalk your idiotic campaign up to the GOP's impending implosion (#shoutout to the Tea Party), and have you go back to hawking real estate. I don't mind you working in NYC, but the White House, you need to stay out of, for all our sakes...

PS: According to CNN, Obama was 'absolutely' born in Hawaii. What the hell are you going to run your campaign on now, Trump?

Dear Republican National Committee

Well, I guess you can cross at least one of the ones on the left off...

via Politico:

The Republican National Committee has just over $5 million in the bank for the final stretch of the 2010 midterm election campaign, according to an unannounced filing with the FEC disclosed Friday night.

The report also indicates that the national party headed by embattled chairman Michael Steele is carrying just over $2 million in debt.

There was no press release from the RNC attempting to put a positive spin on the grim numbers. Rather, officials from the Democratic National Committee flagged the RNC's report, which was posted on the Federal Election Commission’s website Friday night.

It indicated that the committee brought in slightly more than $5.5 million in July — less than half of what the DNC raised — while spending $11 million.

Wow, RNC... Just, wow. If you opened up your metaphorical wallet right now, what would come out? My guess is dust and a lot of receipts for humble pie. That's because you guys are broke. Point blank. As a party your net worth right now is just over $5 million. $5 million???? LeBron James and Kim Kardashian get paid more to tweet! 'The Situation' from Jersey Shore makes $5 million!! And you guys are saying your budget is so dry that you can't outbuy a steroid-pumped, fake-tanned reality star? C'Mon son. This is one of the many hypocrisies that plague the Republican party. You guys are so adamant about fiscal responsibility and cutting back spending, and keeping the government out of the economy. Yet, you can't even pay your own bills. How can the country trust a party that's less solvent than the country itself? How can you guys profess that the Dems are full of it economically, when they don't have to start rock on the corner to fund mid-term elections.

It's even funnier, because your party has been gaining some steam, with all of the snafus that the Dems have been encountering. The Tea Party has a healthy following of idiots and Sarah Palin is using feminism to tout her own brand of stupidity to a loyal following. If you guys had half an idea about how to handle money, maybe you'd be able to capitalize. Not that I'm upset your party can't balance a checkbook, but it just goes to show you that those who constantly talk the talk most likely can't walk the walk. It just sucks you guys might have to go to CashForGold.com to pay for a midterm election period. That's sad. Imagine if you guys had this opportunity during a Presidential election and couldn't foot the bill. I think America would just be forced to pull the plug on you, GOP. Whatever the case, keep on tossing out drivel and expecting the rich to back you, when you guys are two late fees away from the poorhouse. I think some menial labor and accommodations are just what you need. Then we'll really see what you think about jobless benefits and financial overhaul...