Dear Republican National Committee

Well, I guess you can cross at least one of the ones on the left off...

via Politico:

The Republican National Committee has just over $5 million in the bank for the final stretch of the 2010 midterm election campaign, according to an unannounced filing with the FEC disclosed Friday night.

The report also indicates that the national party headed by embattled chairman Michael Steele is carrying just over $2 million in debt.

There was no press release from the RNC attempting to put a positive spin on the grim numbers. Rather, officials from the Democratic National Committee flagged the RNC's report, which was posted on the Federal Election Commission’s website Friday night.

It indicated that the committee brought in slightly more than $5.5 million in July — less than half of what the DNC raised — while spending $11 million.

Wow, RNC... Just, wow. If you opened up your metaphorical wallet right now, what would come out? My guess is dust and a lot of receipts for humble pie. That's because you guys are broke. Point blank. As a party your net worth right now is just over $5 million. $5 million???? LeBron James and Kim Kardashian get paid more to tweet! 'The Situation' from Jersey Shore makes $5 million!! And you guys are saying your budget is so dry that you can't outbuy a steroid-pumped, fake-tanned reality star? C'Mon son. This is one of the many hypocrisies that plague the Republican party. You guys are so adamant about fiscal responsibility and cutting back spending, and keeping the government out of the economy. Yet, you can't even pay your own bills. How can the country trust a party that's less solvent than the country itself? How can you guys profess that the Dems are full of it economically, when they don't have to start rock on the corner to fund mid-term elections.

It's even funnier, because your party has been gaining some steam, with all of the snafus that the Dems have been encountering. The Tea Party has a healthy following of idiots and Sarah Palin is using feminism to tout her own brand of stupidity to a loyal following. If you guys had half an idea about how to handle money, maybe you'd be able to capitalize. Not that I'm upset your party can't balance a checkbook, but it just goes to show you that those who constantly talk the talk most likely can't walk the walk. It just sucks you guys might have to go to CashForGold.com to pay for a midterm election period. That's sad. Imagine if you guys had this opportunity during a Presidential election and couldn't foot the bill. I think America would just be forced to pull the plug on you, GOP. Whatever the case, keep on tossing out drivel and expecting the rich to back you, when you guys are two late fees away from the poorhouse. I think some menial labor and accommodations are just what you need. Then we'll really see what you think about jobless benefits and financial overhaul...

Dear Sarah Palin

I was not aware that taking interview tips from a high school debate team was the latest in cutting edge political strategy, Sarah. Hell, if I'd known that that's how you end up getting nominated for the Vice Presidency, I would have more notes on my body than Weezy F. Baby. But seriously, Sarah, everything has kind of taken a tragic, yet hilarious spiral since you and Old Man McCain lost to Barry and Joe. It's a foregone conclusion that you're trying to stay in the spotlight and maybe squirm your way into the 2012 election. That said, you haven't really gotten much good press this year. From your daughter's illegitimate child being born, to you joining the evil empire of FOX News, to your war against the word 'retard', to your own property tax woes, nothing you do right now is making me think you even have a shot of knocking Barack off in 2012. After seeing him rally the country's legislature at the State of the Union, and then verbally destroy the opposition, seeing you look at the notes on your hand is terrible. It's like watching Michael Jordan dunk on 5 people at once, then seeing a worse player airball on a layup. Sarah, you'd better get your act straight in the next three years because that was sad. Maybe you should invest in a telepromtper, or even MEMORIZE what you want to say...

Dear GOP

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Sorry, I had to get that laugh out, you old donkeys! Let's just say it: You guys don't want Obama's initiatives to go through. It's one thing to bite your tongue of all your contentions when the entire nation is watching. It's something completely different to have Obama on your turf, with all of your opposition, with relatively few people watching. You guys had the latter at the GOP retreat this past weekend and took a worse home L than the Mavericks in 2007. Not only did you not have any evidence to back up any of your claims of Obama, you didn't have any actual plans of your own. I guess if it ain't broke, don't fix it is your policy.

To add to that, with every jab you threw, Obama had an uppercut, waiting for that jaw full of filibusters and bipartisans. He laid out his health care bill perfectly, citing the economic and social benefits the initiative could bring. The President did the same for his economic agenda, and you guys couldn't say a thing. Obama's performance was so good that some of you were questioning whether it should have even been televised. Hell, FOX News cut it off 20 minutes before it was over. That's saying a lot about you guys as a party, especially after mouthing off at the State of the Union. At least Barack had the decency to shake hands with you guys and take pictures with your families later...

Judge Alito is having a huge plate of STFU after the retreat

Rudy Guliani has 9/11 Amnesia

You know there's something wrong with our government when the man leading a city during a prolific terrorist attack forgets the President that the attack happened under. Or maybe he's just trying to stick up for his party-mate. Rudy Guliani claimed that no terrorist attacks happened under the reign of George Dubya Bush, while one occurred under Obama (the one over X-Mas). Not only is that false, the supposed 'attack' under Obama really didn't even happen! Is it possible that George Bush's trademarked brand of idiocy has seeped through the party? I hope not, because we'll have filibusters galore this year, if that's the case...

Dear Republican Party

PREFACE: If you are Conservative, please take a chill pill and this article with a grain of salt. You know some of this stuff is true...



Wow is all I can say Grand Old Party. Wow. To me, this is hilarious. To you, however this should be a serious sign. Sarah Palin was the hand-chosen Vice Presidential candidate for your party, and was even getting consideration for running for the Presidency next year. Her presence was a serious force in the race and even looked like it would change the election, because of her sheer number of supporters. And (gut-busting laughter) these are the supporters who thought Palin would turn America around?

Good lord! If it weren't on Youtube, I'd swear these people were from 1979, not 2009. This just goes to show that the conservative movement, and most notably the Republican Party, are backed by some pretty ass-backwards people. No wonder Bush can't say 'nuclear' correctly and Dick Cheney can't hold on to his gun. The people supporting the former regime of this country are just as uninformed and ignorant as the people who were running it. GOP, it's one thing for a supporter to not be informed on all of the issues, but to not know why you support someone is detestable. Following a cloud of ideology blindly just because you're too lazy to learn is plain, unpatriotic. For a party that prides itself on tradition, I think the founding fathers that you quote so often would give you the side-eye.

To those Republicans at Palin's book signing, she is an idol, a celebrity, not a politician. I pray that you realize how foolish you look. Lord knows the country doesn't need a population full of half idiots...