Dear Over-parenting Parents & Schools

via The New York Times:

Most children naturally seek close friends. In a survey of nearly 3,000 Americans ages 8 to 24 conducted last year by Harris Interactive, 94 percent said they had at least one close friend. But the classic best-friend bond — the two special pals who share secrets and exploits, who gravitate to each other on the playground and who head out the door together every day after school — signals potential trouble for school officials intent on discouraging anything that hints of exclusivity, in part because of concerns about cliques and bullying.

“I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,” said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. “We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends.”

“Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,” she continued. “We say he doesn’t need a best friend.”

That attitude is a blunt manifestation of a mind-set that has led adults to become ever more involved in children’s social lives in recent years. The days when children roamed the neighborhood and played with whomever they wanted to until the streetlights came on disappeared long ago, replaced by the scheduled play date. While in the past a social slight in backyard games rarely came to teachers’ attention the next day, today an upsetting text message from one middle school student to another is often forwarded to school administrators, who frequently feel compelled to intervene in the relationship. (Ms. Laycob was speaking in an interview after spending much of the previous day dealing with a “really awful” text message one girl had sent another.) Indeed, much of the effort to encourage children to be friends with everyone is meant to head off bullying and other extreme consequences of social exclusion.

It's a sad day and age when kids aren't allowed to just be kids. It's even sadder when adults feel the need to intervene out of some self-obligation to protect kids from bullying. I understand that bullying is an issue and that the repercussions for not attending to bullying problems can be fatal (see: Columbine). That said, trying to create an artificial 'group' of friends is downright ridiculous. Parents, while I'm no expert on child development, my childhood years are not that far behind me. I can remember having in my 10 (give or take) years of childhood 3 exclusive best friends. No, it wasn't always pretty when arguments and fights did occur, but you have to learn how to deal with it. Over-parenting parents, by making kids be friends with everyone, you're slowly yet surely weeding out discernment, among other things in a child's life. If a kid has to be friends with everyone, then he's really good friends with no one. The child gets no sense of what he does or doesn't like in a person because he's forced to like everyone. It's almost torturous to think that kids have to be nice to and play with everyone, simply because a school administrator says so. What's worse is the false sense of security that children grow up with because of such sheltering.

When I was a kid, there was freedom: freedom to make friends, freedom to stop being friends, freedom to be hurt by friends and freedom to make up the next day and go on about our days like nothing ever happened. Parents and schools who force kids to be friends with everyone, you're building up artificial security, in that these kids never will experience rejection in its most natural form. By holding the reins on organic relationships, you're allowing kids to grow up thinking everything will simply fall into place because 'that's what the teacher says'. Instead of fostering natural development, you're raising these 'bubble' kids, who have everything in their lives vacuum-packed and hermetically sealed. You don't allow them to experience pain or hurt at a young age, so when they enter the 'real' world (I don't think there will be a 'real' world in 30 years) everything is a shock to them. Kids will grow up, and at the first sign of adversity, they freak out because nothing's ever gone wrong.

That's not to say that we should toss children into the fire and see if they make it out without burns. It means they should be free to run, jump, slide, hang, fall and ride out with whomever they see fit. If the friendship doesn't work, so be it. Kids are born with two things inherently: a clean slate and natural resiliency. Hindering either of those leaves a huge void in their development, both socially and emotionally. Parents, stop trying to raise the perfect generation of kids and allow kids to be kids. We will never live in a Utopia, and sheltering the next generation won't ensure that anymore than brain-washing and full censorship. Word to Dystopian literature...

Dear Tyler Perry

Save yourself $12.50 and just watch the trailer...

Now, I've never been one to chastise or berate another for their artistic work. That's just hating. Yet, at the same time, I'm well within my rights to give my critical analysis of a work. That said, there is one body of work that lately has drawn all of my ire, and that is you, Tyler Perry movies. Since 2005, when 'Diary of a Mad Black Woman' hit the silver screen, I've been privy to your taking over of black cinema (if there is such a thing at this point). Tyler, my problem with your movies stems from one statement: THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. Whether based in Atlanta, Chicago, NYC or Bumblef*ck, Colorado, all of them follow a somewhat similar storyline:

Act 1: Everyone is happy and reminiscing about a theme (marriage, family, unity, etc.), though there's a bit of tension.
Act 2: Some random family member, friend or closet skeleton makes itself known. The family or group of friends act accordingly depressed.
Act 3: One of the women is being abused, treated badly or misunderstood by her overly masculine, chauvinist and dim-witted husband. The skeleton from Act 2 rears its ugly head and reminds everyone of the true meaning of the theme from Act 1.
Act 4: The woman meets a lowly, yet caring, kind, charming, smart, and supportive black man who happens to be single and takes a liking to her.
Act 5: The man and woman get married. A fat female relative provides comic relief. The man from Act 3 gets beat up or run out of town by fat female relative.
Act 6: Everyone eats soul food and dances to R&B from the 70's and 80's.

The End

My question is simple: How did Tyler Perry write and direct 9 movies using that formula? At some point, didn't he think to dig into another recess of his mind to find a different premise? All of you TP movies are more transparent than the plastic wrap on your DVD cases. The characters are transparent, with each person taking on at least one negative characteristic of black cinema, be it ignorance, adultery, drug use, wrath, or what have you. Even worse is your portrayal of black men. In one of your movies, there are three types of black men: A) the well-meaning, but aloof husband, B) the adulterous, abusive, chauvinistic, uber-masculine husband, and C) the supportive, understanding, charming (maybe on the down-low) bachelor. If one were not to watch one of your movies, the male roles can be summed up as such: C replaces B in an abused woman's life, while A watches and provides comic relief. And that is the peak of black cinema today. (crickets)

I know in today's world, it's great to see you, a black director, producer and writer, gaining numerous accolades (and the 5th biggest paycheck in 2009) for your work. But where do artistic integrity and variation come into play? Your movies have such positive direction, but do the job in such a negative fashion. 'Why Did I Get Married Too?' was a $12.50 snore and borefest by most semi-knowledgeable viewers. The trailer essentially told the whole story, which isn't saying much. Tyler, it's not that I think you should stop making movies and TV shows. It's that I think you should dig deeper into the gamut of black personality and character to make a movie that's as uplifting in its delivery as in its theme and soundtrack. It goes without saying that you'll probably be raking in another check from this last movie as you read this. Just know that the leanings and wallets of black people are as fickle as one of the female characters in your movies. Write, direct & produce accordingly...

Dear Teddy Riley

The phrase is correct, but the actions are dead wrong...

Okay Teddy, I will not lie. Blackstreet was one of my favorite groups. I still sing No Diggity, Baby Be Mine and Don't Leave Me Girl to this day. You guys paved the way for the R&B group explosion of the late 90's and were innovators in terms of sound. You however, have truly disappointed me. I've always been a firm believer that discipline in a child's life is second only to love. Whether corporal, or simple positive reinforcement, the discipline in a child's life is one of the more prevalent factors in shaping them as an adult. That said, what the hell, Teddy?? Since when has it been okay to beat a child with their Christmas present? You see, Teddy, there is a HUGE difference between discipline and abuse, and you crossed it.

According to the ridiculous Twitter argument between you and your daughter (readers, you can find that for yourself; I refuse to cite TMZ or MTO), she was unhappy with your new girlfriend and decided to voice that opinion. Call me new school, or progressive, but when a child reaches a certain age (18 in your daughter's case), they have a pretty good scope of relationships, even if they haven't been in one themselves. Now this is just an assumption, but your new girlfriend probably isn't your first of that variety (young, and money hungry), and probably won't be your last. You may even love the woman, which is cool. But at what point do you take your daughter's feelings into consideration?

Even if you didn't agree with what she was saying, I'm sure hitting her with a Rock Band guitar probably isn't the best way to leave your fatherly imprint on her. In fact, I'm even more sure that doing that will make her despise you even more. I'm no family expert. Nor was I there when the incident, and subsequent Twitter argument (funny that there is such a thing, isn't it?) took place. But your daughter was there before your girlfriend, and will be there after (not trying to put a hex on your girl; I'm just telling it how it is) her. Don't alienate and abuse her because she told you that you need to stop putting p*ssy on a pedestal...