On Hip-Hop, Conservative America, and the 'Man's' Worst Fears

Remember that kid on the playground who could never win an argument? You know... The one who, when backed into a corner about the original amount of Pokemon (there were 151), would counter back with something to the effect of:

- 'but you have cooties!'
- 'I am rubber and you are glue.. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!'
- 'I'm telling Ms. (insert teacher) that you guys are cheating!'
- 'your momma!'

*rolls eyes* I can already feel the childhood urge to exclude him bubbling up. No one likes to be wrong. That said, the kid who can never be wrong no matter how idiotic his argument seems never dies. He grows up and either becomes an award-winning debater, a sufferer of dissociative identity disorder, or, best-case scenario, a (usually) conservative political pundit.

If there's one thing about conservative political pundits, it's that even when faced with situations that completely mirror those they vilify, they are always holier-than-thou. We could be talking anything from.. oh, I don't know... imperialism (#shoutout to Iraq and Afghanistan), personal liberties (word to the Patriot Act), or hell, even a rapper performing at the White House.



Enter Common. Now Common, in most educated circles, is about as safe a rapper as it gets. Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr's career originated in the chewstick era with his classic 'I Used to Love HER', an ode to a much more respectful and 'down to earth' time in hip-hop, devoid of the corporate influence that dominated the airwaves in 1994. He continued on in that same strain, collaborating with the likes of No-ID, Kanye West, Mos Def, The Last Poets and other hip-hop personalities who could be seen as 'conscious'. In hip-hop circles, if Eminem was is one side of the spectrum, the Common would be the other, speaking on issues affecting black people, political oppression and more or less being a voice of reason.

Conservative America doesn't see it that way however. The term 'rapper' doesn't have levels. It doesn't have shades. It doesn't have different strains. To the average conservative, the term 'rapper' is synonymous with rump-shaking, gunplay, drug-dealing, fatherless homes, and that bass-thumping monkey music that their daughters and sons play at all hours of night. Even if the song is talking about picking daisies and watching Barney with one's little sister, let there be a hard bass-line and a Kay Slay intro. I guarantee you, Bill O'Reilly and his conservative crew will find something to abhor about it. And this is regardless of whether they themselves are listening to what anyone else would consider 'offensive'. Yet, that is the tenet of conservative America: a self-serving bias towards anything that contradicts their strict view of how the world ought to be.

According to the average conservative, Bob Dylan runs the gamut in terms of protest music, Ronald Reagan's economic policies are the Ten Commandments, and a black man has little, if any place in the White House. That last idea continues to be swept under the rug as covert racism. Looking at everything from the Birther movement, to the Deather movement, to the continual dispute of Obama's educational background, it's clear that these controversies are arising not because there is a valid basis for them, but because the man is black. Point blank. Now that most of those arguments have fallen by the wayside, attacking anything coming from Obama that has a 'blackness' to it is the way to go.

When we speak about 'the Man', we speak of the kind of overt hypocrisy seen in the above O'Reilly interview, the posturing of falsehoods for the sake of personal gain, and the fear of anything remotely 'black' in politics. Anything resembling non-Patriotic extremism is seen as a threat to 'the Man's' peaceful existence as a dominant force. Hence why Common's appearance at the White House was such a bone of contention for conservatives. They would rather raise hell on a non-issue than see a rapper, a purveyor of that music they don't understand, perform poetry at the White House. It is the worst fear of conservative America to not be 'in' on something, and rather than try to reason or understand something, they fear and deride it. Rather than see the uplifting or beneficial aspects of something different, they hate it for its divergence from their beliefs. They compartmentalize the powerful rhetoric and wordplay that makes hip-hop great and turn it against us, as if Common joined NWA yesterday and made a song called 'Kill Cops, Stab Whitey and F*ck Reagan'.

It's sickening. As valiant as John Stewart's efforts were, it's clear they have no intention of losing an argument. It's clear Bill O'Reilly is content to fling mud in his dirthole instead of see the merits of open and fair discussion. He would rather pull out the ubiquitous 'Your momma' card and walk away knowing he didn't kow-tow than actually get something done. I'm not sure whether I'm more proud of this moment, or angered. What I do know, however, is that this discourse sheds light on the idiocy and pitiful fear that conservative America has. Chuck D and Public Enemy originated the term 'fear of a black planet'. Even though a black planet isn't what we seek in this day and age, until the kid on the playground will admit he's wrong, that fear will still exist.

Dear Attraction Theorists

I wish I had this shirt...

via Psychology Today:

Recall that women on average are more physically attractive than men. So women of all races are on average more physically attractive than the "average" Add Health respondent, except for black women. As the following graph shows, black women are statistically no different from the "average" Add Health respondent, and far less attractive than white, Asian, and Native American women.

... What accounts for the markedly lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women? Black women are on average much heavier than nonblack women. The mean body-mass index (BMI) at Wave III is 28.5 among black women and 26.1 among nonblack women. (Black and nonblack men do not differ in BMI: 27.0 vs. 26.9.) However, this is not the reason black women are less physically attractive than nonblack women. Black women have lower average level of physical attractiveness net of BMI. Nor can the race difference in intelligence (and the positive association between intelligence and physical attractiveness) account for the race difference in physical attractiveness among women. Black women are still less physically attractive than nonblack women net of BMI and intelligence. Net of intelligence, black men are significantly more physically attractive than nonblack men.

... The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race differences in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races.

I've always been told beauty is in the eye of the beholder, or one man's trash is another man's treasure. That's just how the world works. Subjectivity is the reason rich people don't think they're rich. It's the reason for the difference between Islamic extremists and pacifists. It's the reason you either hate or love people like the Kardashians, Sarah Palin and Rihanna. Subjectivity is the basis of opinions, many of which simultaneously take their root in facts. Yet, one issue that never seems to have any factual basis, no matter who is examining it. That, my friends is attraction.

Attraction theorists, first of all let me ask you this: in the course of civilization, has there ever been one singular, solitary definition of what makes a person attractive? Yes, you can ask a sample of 1,000 or 10,000 or 100,000 people, but that will never account for the outliers. That will never be able to account for all the people who love black women (raises hand) or those that only like Asian midgets or those that can't stand any race.

How dare you guys compartmentalize black women like that? Since when has the attractiveness of black women been so low? You guys could not have been asking enough people of color, which I say with a grain of salt because people might not always identify with their color. Either way, there will always be people on either side of the fence - who either can't stand or can't resist black women physically. There are also going to be those who like one race a bit more than the next. It's not a question of who is more attractive, just what people like. Subjectivity reigns supreme in the question of attraction, and breaking it down so specifically is essentially pointless.

Second of all, why are you even studying something as trivial as this? This is another case of science trying to over-intellectualize things for the sake of 'knowing' them. You can have your graphs and surveys and numbers and samples. Attraction is probably the most rudimentary instinct that a human can have. Quantifying it does little for humanity other than give schmucks like you a job. There are so many more important breakthroughs that could have been accomplished in the time it took you and your cronies to figure out what gives everyone a woody. Additionally, what does this prove other than there is somewhat of a bias against black women? There's no groundbreaking legislation, medical breakthrough or amazing new revolution that came from this research. It's what we call 'shock science'; research for the sake of research, and you guys are at the top of the totem.

I understand it's only a research study. It probably won't hold any relevance after about a week. Yet research like this only serves to undermine black women even more. You guys hold their stereotypically strong demeanor and voluptuous figures against them as if those qualities are something to be ashamed of. Somewhere there's a black woman eyeing her curves with disdain or vowing to become more submissive just because of 'findings' like this. Why don't you guys put your (sadly worthless) psychology degrees to good use and figure out a basis for racism, or find the root of homosexuality, or decide what exactly constitutes insanity. That'd help society out a lot more than essentially deriding supposed characteristics of black women in the guise of 'science'.

Dear Shellshocked Black College Students

I'm black. If all it takes are some morose drunk white kids to knock my pride, then it's a sad day...

via The Daily Pennsylvanian:

Racism at Penn is usually subtle. It is a way of life, something that minorities come to accept. In class, it's usually sly comments about us. In the dining halls, it’s people talking really loud, complaining about us to their friends. I overhear it.

But this was the first time it was so blatant.

I don't know which experience was worse that night. Being called a “nigger” or being questioned about belonging here.

In retrospect, being called a “nigger” was the short-term sting. It made me more self-conscious about what white people think of me here — just some black guy who got here because of some affirmative action.

The idea of "belonging here" is the long-term wound. Ever since I came here, I have been self-conscious. You have to understand that Penn is extremely different from most schools, in that the vast majority comes from a much wealthier background. I grew up in the projects, surrounded by crime and drugs. I came from there to here without much help, and in May I will graduate cum laude.

Maybe I'm too much a cynic. Maybe I've seen so many instances like this, that it almost humors me at this point. Maybe because I went to a primarily white high school, I've been completely desensitized to such nonsense. Whatever the case, overt racism, like that alluded to in the above editorial really doesn't bother me anymore. There will always be instances where black people just get the short end of the stick in terms of what we would call 'racial sympathy'.

Whether it be uncouth and uninformed remarks during class, students deeming anything remotely related to blackness 'ghetto', or the commodification of 'blackness', black people have always been the butt of some joke at the hands of non-blacks. That such an incident was the impetus for the above editorial isn't the point of this post. No, no, no... I wouldn't dare open that can of worms and allow the masses to paint this blog as a 'hater' or as unsympathetic to the plight of my college-educated black brethren.

What I will touch upon, however, is why situations like this needn't be aggrandized in such a fashion. Black people in college, how many of you come from communities, municipalities or simply situations where being in college is NOT the norm? My guess is a good portion of you reading this raised your hands. That said, shouldn't being in college be a triumph in and of itself? As a young black male, the propensity for me to be in less-than-stellar arrangements is that much higher. Jail... Fatherhood... You name it, and there is a black guy my age, probably just as intelligent as I, who got caught up in it at the expense of gaining higher education.

So to you, shellshocked black college students, I say: be proud! You could be elsewhere. Rather than let the idiotic ramblings of some drunk white kids affect you, why not just keep it moving? Why let their clearly misinformed 'ghetto' jargon cause you to lose sleep at night? Clearly the last time they've been in intimate contact with a black person was when they flipped on 'Basketball Wives', so why validate their ignorance by acknowledging it?

Newsflash, Black college students: THIS WORLD ISN'T MADE FOR US! It never has been, and we (we, as in our generation) may not live to see the day when it is. Flip back to 2009, when Chanequa Campbell was kicked out of Harvard in connection to a murder she was in no way involved in. Flip back another 50 years to when blacks had to be escorted to school by the national guard. Flip back another 70 years to when we had to create our own schools because whites didn't believe free blacks had the propensity to read, much less learn. Come on, son... Our presence brings about adversity whether subtle like sly comments in class and bigotry in the workplace, or blatant like the situation above. You're going to be scrutinized more heavily than your non-Black peers every single day, whether you like it or not.

Sure there are folk out there that could give two craps about your skin color, and God bless their colorblindness. Yet even in 2011, racism is nowhere near dead, and that's a reality that we have to come to grips with. If you think Martin Luther King and Malcolm X would rise from the dead today and start toe-wopping because of some semblance of 'making it', you're wrong. They'd be happy to see us in a more advanced position, but still would loathe the position we as a people are in. They would laud those of us who have managed to pull ourselves up, but would see our progress for what is is: a drop in the bucket. No, I'm not saying to walk around on eggshells as if you have nothing to be proud of. Just be cognizant that this world still isn't nice. Don't be shellshocked when some idiot calls you out of your name. Just make sure you flash that diploma/alumni ring/other demarcation of your success in college, and laugh, because they will have given you all the motivation you need...

Dear Black History Month

Today's the 28th of February, which only means one thing: Spring Break!!! No... Sadly, the end of February evokes one of my favorite times: your end, Black History Month. I know you're wondering: 'What's wrong with this fool?' and 'Why would he want me to end?'. Just consider this, BHM. At the beginning of the month, you were the number 3 Trending Topic on Twitter (#blackhistorymonth). Today, you were nowhere to be found in the top ten, and after extensive Googling, I found you were somewhere among the 50s. Now, that's not to say that Twitter's fickle, ever-changing palate is indicative of the direction that your celebration is taking. Yet, one can't help but think that after, let's say Valentine's Day, the amount of attention that's paid to you decreases exponentially.

BHM, the reason I find you so lame is because, quite frankly, I don't believe we need you. In my 22 years on this planet, I've been witness to year after year of school productions, TV specials, random periodicals, store promotions, and now even sneakers all 'commemorating' your legacy. Since when has the recognition of a race's accomplishments in western world come standard Nike-trademarked footwear? It's even funnier that those sneakers did come out, considering the stereotype about black people and kicks. I'm surprised there isn't a blackhistorymonth.com at this point, with how much of a ploy you've become.

I think you've become a platform for everyone to slop on an extra helping of ethnocentric semantics over a plate of already-known facts. Seriously, BHM. Do we need you to remind us of our accomplishments? Shouldn't we lament these facts and pride points and people every day? Why take the shortest month, add your name to it, and for 28 16 (prorated for bad memory, All-Star Weekend and Valentine,s Day) days have everyone piously pledge allegiance to 'Blackness', when we all know on March 1st, everything is going straight back to normal. I realize that's a very cynical view, but with all of these fools quoting the same lines from the 'I Have a Dream' speech (the Letter from the Birmingham Jail was better, anyway), I can't help but give you the side-eye.

BHM, you've given us a pass to be all about peace and black love and Afrocentricity for a month, without realizing that the people we celebrate today struggled 365 days, 24 hours and 7 days a week... AND they didn't have you to rile them up every 11 months. Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and the 3 other black historical figures my grade school history books talked about didn't do all that good stuff (along with a lot of bad; check MLK's rap sheet, seriously) because they knew they'd have a month of people quoting them and talking about them. They did it so that people could advance without the same fight. They didn't want you to be a celebratory 'month'. They wanted black history in the everyday little things, not just for a month. That's what King was talking about in the 'I Have a Dream' speech: his kids playing in the front yard, not a military coup or weeklong sit-in where everyone is singing 'Wade in the Water', donning dashikis and eating bean pies.

BHM, I won't sit here and say I'm on the frontlines in Libya dodging bullets for freedom, or in court still trying to litigate on Sean Bell's behalf, but I surely am trying to make something of myself. Your celebration shouldn't be a catalyst for our awareness and recognition of the 'struggle'. It should be a high point, if anything. We should be striving to make those legacies we hear about worth something every day. That's why I'm happy you're over. Now, we can get back to work. Now, we don't have your shadow over us to make EVERYTHING black. I can disagree with my black brethren without getting the 'self-hating black man' speech. We can just drop the 'month' and get down to making #blackhistory...

Dear Vybz Kartel

As a rule, I've tried to keep the whole light-skinned versus dark-skinned debate off Dear Whoever, because it's simply a matter of preference and one's own self-worth when dealing with what skin shades they find attractive. Skin color is something that has hotly been debated in the black community for well over a century, with the 'paper bag test' and other ways of excluding anyone thought too dark to make it.

That said, I nearly vomited when I saw the above picture, Vybz. I'm holding no punches. You. Look. Turrible (Charles Barkley voice). You look like Tyrone Biggums' estranged Jamaican cousin. Those lips are ashier than the crackpipe you smoked to come up with the 'cake soap' idea. I don't know whether to call your condition jaundice or to just pronounce you dead. You are now what the Native Americans would call a 'pale face', which is ironic, because I'm sure the rest of you is blacker than an S of spades. I had no clue being a proverbial human zebra was in fashion.



Vybz, what made you think that cake soap was the solution to your own self-hatred? What's the matter? Have you been brainwashed that bad that you think the only way to continue your debatable success in dancehall is to be lighter-skinned? If so, you're sadly mistaken. The only dancehall artist with lighter skin to truly have a big break was Sean Paul, and he isn't even fully black! (Portuguese, Chinese and Black, if Wikipedia serves me right) If you're really doing it to improve upon your success, then why not take a page out of Beenie Man or Buju Banton's book (sans the cocaine trafficking in Buju's case) and... I don't know... make good music? 'Clarks' was a catchy tune, but can you really make a career of unofficial endorsement songs?

Regardless, the 'cake soap' product placement, no matter how much you claim it to not be a medical recommendation, will catch on like wild fire fiyah in Jamaica and you know it. A generation of young Jamaicans are going to see you and think the only way to salvation is through light skin. How DOPE is that? As if years of socioeconomic control by the British wasn't enough, here you come telling kids that dark skin is wrong. With brainwashing this good, who even needed slave masters? When we can brainwash our own selves, who needs overtly Caucasian standards of beauty? Kudos to you, Vybz. If anyone could undermine over a century of progress for blacks and make themselves look like a spectre in the process, it was you. I only hope all that 'air conditioning' that turned you into a walking dust bunny can make you disappear...

Dear KFC

Fried chicken... Fly vixen

via The Washington Post:

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- Yum Brands Inc. is targeting Africa and other emerging global markets for expansion for its venerable KFC chain that has become a dominant fast-food player in China but has struggled in the U.S. Louisville-based Yum said Wednesday that it expects to double the number of KFC restaurants in Africa to about 1,200 by 2014. Yum projects that KFC will grow into a nearly $2 billion brand in Africa within four years and will contribute more than $100 million in profit to Yum's international division, which excludes China - which has its own division.

"Africa has tremendous opportunity," Yum Chairman and CEO David C. Novak said during the company's investor-analyst conference in New York. "It's a great emerging continent, and we have a chance to really lead in that business."

KFC is already a leading brand in South Africa with more than 600 restaurants. The chain has a small presence in a few other African countries.

"We're using our South African base as an opportunity for us to ... enter other countries," Novak said.

The chain will expand with restaurant openings planned in such places as Nigeria, Ghana, Angola and Zambia. The company said it expects franchisees to invest about $500 million in Africa by 2014.

Ever think the Illuminati someone is listening in on your conversations and taking your ideas? Or better yet, ever think the jokes you make are a lot more close to truth than they appear? That's how I'm feeling right now in reference to the above news story, KFC. Now, it's been high time since I've written a letter, mainly because nothing has piqued my interest. Today though, KFC, you made for a finger-licking blog post.

The irony in your modus operandi is so thick that only your gravy could compete. It's no secret that your restaurant is failing on numerous fronts. From the assertion that your chicken is more processed than Sarah Palin's appeal, to the Double Down's artery-clogging chicken goodness (sarcasm), KFC, there's not much left to conquer in the United States, much less any losses you can take. My issue, or question, here is simple, though. Is this racist? KFC, the pervading stereotype for this century is that people of the black diaspora tend to enjoy chicken of the fried variety. Fried chicken is an American phenomenon that has yet to take hold worldwide, which was putting a major dent in your international pockets... At least in the developed Anglo-Saxon world. By that token, your move was damn predictable. In fact, I imagine the meeting to decide to pump more chicken into Africa as something like this:

Corporate Head 1: Seems like our shareholder value is dropping... Maybe we should cut back on the artificial flavors, coloring, and preservatives?

Corporate Head 2: Noooo! are you crazy??? Those chemicals make our chicken finger-licking good, and make it so we don't really have to cook or prepare the food! Why mess with a formula that works? Besides, I have a tip that might make us rich again!

Corporate Head 1: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Corporate Head 2: You know it, man!! Let's pump our cardiac arrest-good chicken into Africa! You know what they say about black... (looks at concerned African-American board member) Africa? Emerging markets always take hold of American fast food!

-END-

From the perspective of a young black male, this is Chappelle's Show-worthy comedy. The amount of possible insights into your reasoning could outnumber the stars, but at the end of the day, it's pretty obvious why there's a huge 'X' on your map of Africa. Rather than make better food or try different marketing worldwide, you guys are running to the Motherland with the hopes of making bank. It's business, I understand. Yet, at what point can we be real with the fact that stereotyping and racial stigmas affect our decisions? Does there have to be a huge sign that says 'Black People Enter', or have you guys already thought of that? Whatever the case, KFC, you can't run from what such expansion looks like, no matter how you try to sugarcoat it. No race is as compartmentalized as blacks, and it's only a matter of time before other racial minorities are in that same fold. Call it expansion, development, or what have you. It will never erase the stigma, much less keep you from making out like bandits in Africa. Then again, hasn't every other entity that's come to the continent? History lesson aside, I see you KFC. I see you...

Dear Slim Thug

Houston, we have a problem... Relationship-wise, that is...

via VIBE Magazine

The way Black people think in general is messed up. Both men and women need to change their way of thinking. It’s hard to trust a Black woman [sometimes] because a lot of Black women’s mind frame is that the man gotta do everything for her⎯ he gotta pay for this, he gotta pay for that, and if it ain’t about money then a lot of them ain’t fucking with him. If that’s what you’re here for then I don’t want to be with you

Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct. We’re important. It’s hard to find us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start working hard; they gotta start cooking and being down for they man more. They can’t just be running around with their head up in the air and passing all of us. I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be fucking with me about it saying, “Y’all gotta go through all that shit [but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other shit.”My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the shit that I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that. She don’t be begging and I don’t gotta buy her all this crazy ass shit. And she’s a smart girl too. She graduated from Columbia [University] and I like that about her so it’s cool. I’ve dated girls that will buy a $3,000 bag and don’t know how to pay it off on their credit cards. They walk around in these Louis Vuittons and red bottoms but they’re riding around in raggedy cars, so it’s just getting your priorities right.

White women treat they man like a king and Black women feel like they ain’t gotta do that shit. Black women need to stand by their man more. Don’t always put the pressure of if I’m fucking with you, you gotta buy me this and that. Black men are the ones that motherfuckers need [but] I think a lot of them need to step it up too. A Black man who gets a little bread will go make it rain in the club and be broke the next day or instead of him going to invest in a business he gonna go buy new jewelry or a new car and still live in the hood. Black peoples’ mentality is real fucked up in general [and] it’s affecting everything. Black women need to be more genuine and be more 50/50 [but] It should be a fair exchange in a relationship period or eventually somebody is gonna feel like they’re getting fucked over whether it’s the woman or the man. I think that will help Black relationships out a lot.

Let me say this first: I haven't listened to anything Slim Thug-related since his failed foray into the mainstream with Pharrell, 'I Ain't Heard of That'. Aside from that, and a heavy 2005 stint with Mike Jones and the rest of the Swishahouse gang, Slim Thugga is an afterthought in my hip-hop world. That said, Slim, I can't really be too mad at you for saying something even remotely outlandish to cast your name into the spotlight for even a vague hour on Twitter. But we're not here to talk about your fame, my G. We've got to discuss this nice little VIBE interview you had 2 days ago.

First of all, Slim, where do you get off as the voice of black men? Percentage wise, you represent such a small spectrum of black males, that it is impossible for you to have an adequate perspective on relationships. I mean, can you honestly say that you've had a "real" relationship (not to throw salt on your current one; I'm sure she's wonderful) since you've been a rapper? The rap game is notorious for introducing previously well-grounded young black men to harems of she-wolves, only for those same rappers to turn around and disrespect every woman they meet after that. So, is this interview you speaking as a regular, everyday, average black man with a mixed girlfriend, or you as a regular man turned rapper (with the body count to prove it) with a mixed girlfriend? My guess is, the latter. As a rapper you're in no position to comment on the romantic and social standing of the rest of us, especially when you make songs specifically made for strippers to 'drop it low,' 'pop their p*ssies,' and other vulgarities that won't make it onto this blog.

Second of all, why even bring up your 'brother' and his white woman? That's like saying a homophobic comment and then saying 'But I have gay friends!' as a qualifier. Your point there is completely moot, my dude. How do you know tha A) your brother isn't lying out of his diamond-encrusted teeth, B) your brother isn't the .000000001% of interracial relationships that has no problems, or C) his wife is just plain-old docile to begin with?

Note to EVERYONE: Just because you have a friend, cousin, uncle, auntie, sister, co-worker, landlord or any other acquaintance that X is true for, does not mean that X is true for every person. Quit generalizing and take every instance at face value.

Slim Thugga, it would seem as if your intellect were pretty darn slim in its own right if you believe that man's marriage has no problems. Every marriage has its high points and its low points. Doesn't mean one marriage (or race in marriage) is better than another. Don't downplay all sisters because your 'brother's' marriage is seemingly perfect.

Third of all, Slim, your half-white, half-black girlfriend, while she's probably a nice person, is not the end all be-all of relationships. Just because every woman that you've messed with before her was trifling and had a credit score lower than her self-esteem, doesn't mean your current shorty won't be just as trife. You seem to think that a college degree and mixed-heritage are the only signifiers of a good catch. Whatever happened to a good listener, a shoulder to lean on or someone good with kids? All of the traits you listed of black people at the end?? Yes, they are sad. But are you really going to let a part of Black society represent the whole in your mind? That seems very silly, Mr. Thomas. I think you need some work on your relationship and societal ideals, quickly.

Slim, it's because of people like you that black men and women are so fragmented. Instead of pointing out differences and pointing fingers at what the other sex should do, you should be figuring out ways to bring us together. Stop with the CNN/MSNBC/Dateline backlash and support black women as a whole, rather than villifying those that are somewhat trifling. Maybe then their ideal of a good man won't have to do with the size of his wallet, but the size of his heart. Maybe then, black men won't be as quick to hop in the sack with anything with a pulse and scar these women in the first place. Maybe then, you won't be having drawn out debates on Twitter about relationships that you have no clue about. I understand that this is spot reporting, and that much of what you said could be misconstrued. Yet, were the words VIBE put on their website that far from what you really mean? I doubt it. Not to belittle your intelligence, but you don't seem like the sharpest tack in the box. Maybe you should leave the relationship talk to Steve Harvey, and get back to niche performing in Houston. It'll at least be a safe zone, where you can clown on all the tricks you want without sounding like a jackass...

Dear Tyler Perry

Save yourself $12.50 and just watch the trailer...

Now, I've never been one to chastise or berate another for their artistic work. That's just hating. Yet, at the same time, I'm well within my rights to give my critical analysis of a work. That said, there is one body of work that lately has drawn all of my ire, and that is you, Tyler Perry movies. Since 2005, when 'Diary of a Mad Black Woman' hit the silver screen, I've been privy to your taking over of black cinema (if there is such a thing at this point). Tyler, my problem with your movies stems from one statement: THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. Whether based in Atlanta, Chicago, NYC or Bumblef*ck, Colorado, all of them follow a somewhat similar storyline:

Act 1: Everyone is happy and reminiscing about a theme (marriage, family, unity, etc.), though there's a bit of tension.
Act 2: Some random family member, friend or closet skeleton makes itself known. The family or group of friends act accordingly depressed.
Act 3: One of the women is being abused, treated badly or misunderstood by her overly masculine, chauvinist and dim-witted husband. The skeleton from Act 2 rears its ugly head and reminds everyone of the true meaning of the theme from Act 1.
Act 4: The woman meets a lowly, yet caring, kind, charming, smart, and supportive black man who happens to be single and takes a liking to her.
Act 5: The man and woman get married. A fat female relative provides comic relief. The man from Act 3 gets beat up or run out of town by fat female relative.
Act 6: Everyone eats soul food and dances to R&B from the 70's and 80's.

The End

My question is simple: How did Tyler Perry write and direct 9 movies using that formula? At some point, didn't he think to dig into another recess of his mind to find a different premise? All of you TP movies are more transparent than the plastic wrap on your DVD cases. The characters are transparent, with each person taking on at least one negative characteristic of black cinema, be it ignorance, adultery, drug use, wrath, or what have you. Even worse is your portrayal of black men. In one of your movies, there are three types of black men: A) the well-meaning, but aloof husband, B) the adulterous, abusive, chauvinistic, uber-masculine husband, and C) the supportive, understanding, charming (maybe on the down-low) bachelor. If one were not to watch one of your movies, the male roles can be summed up as such: C replaces B in an abused woman's life, while A watches and provides comic relief. And that is the peak of black cinema today. (crickets)

I know in today's world, it's great to see you, a black director, producer and writer, gaining numerous accolades (and the 5th biggest paycheck in 2009) for your work. But where do artistic integrity and variation come into play? Your movies have such positive direction, but do the job in such a negative fashion. 'Why Did I Get Married Too?' was a $12.50 snore and borefest by most semi-knowledgeable viewers. The trailer essentially told the whole story, which isn't saying much. Tyler, it's not that I think you should stop making movies and TV shows. It's that I think you should dig deeper into the gamut of black personality and character to make a movie that's as uplifting in its delivery as in its theme and soundtrack. It goes without saying that you'll probably be raking in another check from this last movie as you read this. Just know that the leanings and wallets of black people are as fickle as one of the female characters in your movies. Write, direct & produce accordingly...

The Boondocks - Season 3 (Trailer)

Umm... If the state of black culture could be put into cartoon form, there'd most likely be lying rappers, misguided youth, a dramatic fight about what 'black' truly is, trifling religious leaders and conflict between the young and old guard of black America. It'd be a hell of a show, filled with social faux pas and underhanded satire on what's truly plaguing us as a culture. It'd even have a riveting underground hip-hop soundtrack and have amazing voice acting from special guests all the time. Oh, wait a minute, that show exists, and it's coming back on May 2nd. The Boondocks returns for its 3rd season after a long hiatus, and from the trailer, it's looking like pure hilarity. Check it out and mark your calendars...

Dear 'Whites Only' Basketball League

Have no fear, Shawn Bradley. Your league is here...

via The Augusta Chronicle:

A new professional basketball league boasting rosters made up exclusively of white Americans has its eyes set on Augusta, but the team isn't receiving a warm welcome. The All-American Basketball Alliance announced in a news release Sunday evening that it intends to start its inaugural season in June and hopes Augusta will be one of 12 cities with a team. "Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league," the statement said.

Don "Moose" Lewis, the commissioner of the AABA, said the reasoning behind the league's roster restrictions is not racism. Lewis said he wants to emphasize fundamental basketball instead of "street-ball" played by "people of color." He pointed out recent incidents in the NBA, including Gilbert Arenas' indefinite suspension after bringing guns into the Washington Wizards locker room, as examples of fans' dissatisfaction with the way current professional sports are run.

White Men Can't Jump is one of my favorite movies. Along with the regular aspects of sports movies, the Snipes & Harrelson masterpiece stirs up the everlasting dialogue of the changing (or already changed) racial dynamic in basketball. It's no secret that over the past 30 years, the NBA has been dominated by African-American players. There's no real reason for that other than the players in the NBA being better. It's not racial makeup or an inherent racial advantage. That said, AABA (All-American Basketball Alliance), what is the deal with starting a racially-exclusive basketball league?? Or better yet, since when has being black been the impetus for one's affinity for 'street-ball' (as you call it)? While it does stand to say that the NBA has had a few legal issues coming from black players, you're trying to highlight a different issue instead of just being honest.

You're saying that you want to emphasize the fundamental aspect of the game. Since when has the NBA not been fundamental?? It's not as if these players are coming from Rucker Park or the Cage and doing Hot Sauce crossovers while a man in an afro is screaming 'OOOOOHHHH BAYBEEEE!!'. It's not as if there are egregious travels and random stops in play. You're making a drastic generalization between the streetball that everyone watches in the summer, and the NBA, where the BEST players in the world play, regardless of race or nationality. Saying that you want to eradicate the NBA-esque play that isn't fundamental is an oxymoron. That's like going to Taco Bell and asking for, a low-calorie meal: IMPOSSIBLE. So to the AABA and your leader Don Lewis I'd say take a look at yourselves and figure out why it is you have such a hatred for the 'black' way of playing basketball. Maybe that's the reason you've been getting dunked on...

Black on White

Many of you guys have probably heard of, or read the book Black Like Me (step your citation game up), written in 1959 by John Howard Griffin, where the author ingests pigment-altering pills to change his skin from white to black. The author then takes a hitch-hiking trip through the deep South, chronicling his experiences in a journal along the way. Fast forward to 2009 in Germany, where famous undercover journalist Günter Wallraff does essentially the same experiment, this time with a hidden camera and a horrible curly wig. If you can look past how bad of a black man Wallraff looks like, you'll see the genius in the documentary. Wallraff does normal things like apply for an apartment, or just walk around a predominantly white neighborhood, and experiences casual racism every place he goes. For those of you that think racism stops in the U.S., think again. Check the videos out and keep it locked to Dear Whoever...

Dear Rappers

The irony is priceless here...

via Reuters:

Rapper Gucci Mane has been sentenced to 12 months in jail for probation violation.

The sentence was handed down Thursday (November 12), according to the performer's lawyer.

Mane pled guilty to assault in 2005 for attacking a nightclub promoter. Last September, he was sentenced to a year in jail for failing to fulfill his court-ordered 600 hours of community service. He was incarcerated until March.

To me, this letter shouldn't have to be written. But the past few years in terms of high-profile incarcerations have been unbelievable. It's like the early 2000's when shootings and getting shot were the cool thing to do. Prison automatically gives you credibility and pretty much assures you that about 200 hood folk will be printing your name and picture on a t-shirt saying 'FREE (insert rapper here)'.

That being said, why is that a good thing? Let's say for all intents and purposes, that as a rapper living a 'gangster' or 'hood' (sounds weird typing it, doesn't it?) lifestyle adds to your appeal. Wouldn't you want to be a good rapper, and NOT go to jail? I mean, rappers, for God's sake, some of you guys are going to prison for the dumbest reasons. If it isn't Wayne tossing a Gucci bag with a gun in it off his tour bus, then it's Remy Ma beating some chick up at a club. If it's not Prodigy, it's Mystikal. If it's not T.I., it's Gucci Mane or Tony Yayo or City Spud or B.G. Seriously, rappers, get your business together. What kind of message does this send about hip-hop? That we're a genre full of jail birds? (dumb rapper voice) Oh it's okay to go to jail if you're a rapper. You can just cut a deal, do community service and release music right after I get out (/dumb rapper voice). There's so much wrong with that mode of thinking, yet we subscribe to it when we buy your albums and wear 'Free Yayo' t-shirts.

Newsflash. Jail isn't cool!! Neither is what comes with it. We were all fooled when we saw Gucci Mane in this PSA. He's learning a valuable lesson now though: parole is no joke, especially when you rap about openly selling drugs...

Dear Morehouse

Hope you guys aren't looking for a college education...

via The Maroon Tiger:

The policy outlines 11 expectations pertaining to what students should not wear while on campus. Instead of requiring certain articles of clothing, as a typical dress code would, the policy details those articles of clothing deemed unacceptable for students. Some of the expectations discussed in the policy include to prohibit wearing “sagging” pants, women’s clothing and headwear. The policy will be distributed to students electronically through TigerNet and the school website. The policy will also be outlined in the student handbook and discussed in Crown Forums for students.

Okay, so I'm a little late on this one (blame my lack of computer), but it still hits home all the more. Let's get this straight, oh prestigious black college: sagging pants is wrong. The sight of a young man's undergarments based on the lowness of his pants, jeans or what have you, is one of those things that elicits the wrong type of attention. Not only is your behind more prone to drafts (and other forces; my imprisoned brethren can tell you that), you get boxed into a category that few people want to be in, and the ones that are in, don't care: HOOD. To the average non-black person, sagging pants are more or less a flag that say 'CROSS THE STREET'. I can understand your concern at such things, Morehouse.

HOWEVER, Morehouse, where do you guys get off telling your students what they can and can't wear? To me, this is the age old voice of the past negro, telling the present negro that he can't be who he wants. The old guard is essentially trying to dictate the substance and understanding of the new guard. Morehouse, and more specifically President Michael Franklin, what is the last hip-hop record you've listened to? When is the last time you've talked to one of your students (who doesn't have his lips firmly planted on your backside)? Hell, when was the last time you even knew what was relevant in the lives of your students? Not that I'm denouncing your plea to make the black youth of America more workforce-ready, but at what cost does this come? It's like you're the Man, trying to whitewash the students into this 1950's-esque vision of collegiate life, where everyone is in bed by 11 and no boys are allowed in the girls dorms after dark. Get with the 20th century. College kids may not dress the way that you think they should, but does that discredit them as students? Does the learning not get into their heads as easily if they have sagging pants? I don't get it. Stop trying to get the 'black' and gay' out of your students. Legislating tastes and preference is the government's job (oops), not the education system's. Maybe if you weren't looking at college boys' butts (double oops) all the time, you'd know that...

Dear Black Youth

I thought we were past this but it seems like during my residence in Philadelphia, I've grown desensitized to violence. Black youth, is this really what we want our lives to be? A never-ending cycle of violence, mourning, short waves of activism and MORE violence? For the longest, it seemed like we were getting the picture. It seemed like the election of Barack Obama and the bringing of personal responsibility for students to the forefront were starting to take hold in our minds. It seemed like we were turning the corner that our forefathers had been working for decades to push us around. But alas, there's not much light that can be salvaged from this blight of darkness. Murder rates among black teens (aged 14-17) have risen almost 40% this decade alone, and with the grizzly murder of Derrion Albert, it doesn't look like this trend will tail off soon. To my peers, I have only one question: When will we stop? When will territorial vendettas and color wars become less important than our livelihood? How many more people have to die before we realize we are killing OURSELVES?!?! Okay, that was three questions, but all ones that needed to be asked. I'm sick of hearing about death. I know (or at least I hope) you are too. Be the change you want to see in yourself, people. It's an easy task for something with such difficult consequences...