Dear Mike Brown

via Sports Illustrated:

The Los Angeles Lakers have reached an agreement in principle with former Cleveland coach Mike Brown to succeed Phil Jackson, the team said Wednesday.

"We've met with Mike and are very impressed with him,'' said a statement issued by the Lakers. "In addition, we have an outline for an agreement in place and hope to sign a contract within the next few days.''

Brown will get a four-year deal worth roughly $18 million, a person with knowledge of the discussions told The Associated Press on Wednesday on condition of anonymity because the Lakers hadn't yet formally hired Brown.

Coaching changes are always a mixed bag in the NBA. We tend to think that when a coach leaves a team, the coach either has nothing more to work for with that franchise. And we tend to think that when a coach is ousted or gets fired, that the team wants nothing more to do with that coach. In the case of the Los Angeles Lakers, who not only were ousted from the NBA Playoffs in a pathetic fashion, but also let the legendary Phil Jackson leave in a blaze of embarrassment, there is a hailstorm of questions surrounding their situation. Kobe Bryant is a year older, with his 15-year career beginning its twilight. Pau Gasol was exposed for his lack of testicular fortitude against the great Dirk Nowitzki. Ron Artest clearly needed a few more sessions with his psychiatrist. Lamar Odom Kardashian was too busy tweeting and doing reality TV to matter, and Andrew Bynum made more waves with his ridiculous flagrant foul than his play on the court. The Lakers were little more than a talented team with a huge identity crisis and too many conflicting personalities.

That said, with your principal agreement to become the head coach of the Lakers, you, Mike Brown, have become the latest coach associated with a fall from glory to get a crack at an already established team. Such a responsibility should be a difficult one, but with your handling of the Cleveland Cavaliers two years ago, I actually have faith in your abilities. Yes, you still have the offensive capabilities of Shaq from the three-point line. Yes, you still have the LeBron-sized shadow of LeBron's departure from Cleveland. But you did have your bright spots in Cleveland. You made it to the Playoffs every year of your tenure. Defensively, your Cavaliers were one of the best defensive teams I've ever seen. I don't even know how you did it, though. The only two stoppers on those squads were Anderson 'Wacka Floppa Flame' Varajao and LeBron. You had an anemic Zydrunas on the court and Mo Williams is a non-factor at times. Let's call a spade a spade. You squeezed more out of those Cleveland Cavaliers teams than Diddy out of Biggie's legacy. It was like you were cooking an 8-course meal out of a burger patty and a few grains of rice.

With those successes, how are you not considered a good coach? In an NBA (and sports) environment where coaches rotate constantly, you were some form of consistency. You crafted the Cleveland Cavaliers from the basement of the NBA to a constant in the headlines. Most of it was due to LeBron, but how many stars fail to succeed because of the coaching staff around them? My guess is more than we think. Additionally, that you could handle the spotlight of the Chosen One might be the best sign for the star-studded circus that is the Lake Show. At the same time, Kobe might do his best spoiled superstar impression (again) and you might have some problems on your hands. I suppose we won't know until next season, if we have one. Either way, you didn't need an invitation, Mike. If the Lakers call you for a coaching vacancy, only a crazy person would turn it down.


PS: One tip, though: Get rid of Steve Blake and Matt Barnes. Those guys are the latest championship stowaways and it's clear they're deadweight. Get real with those two.

Dear Cleveland Cavalier Fans

Keeping in line with a penchant for trying to be a little less negative and a little more positive with my letters, I almost didn't write this. Then I realized the purpose of writing these letters isn't to be nice or to get people on my side. It's to display a valid argument and (hopefully) show people why that argument is valid. That said, I came upon this video amidst my random internet binges, and automatically burst out in a fit of good old-fashioned (and apparently healthy) belly laughs.

Really, Cleveland fans?? This is what you guys have resorted to as some ridiculous ploy to feel better about what transpired over the summer in the LeBron-athon? That's pitiful. Yes, LeBron could have gone about his move down south in a more tactful manner. Yes, basketball's coup of the century left your team decimated with a raggedy bunch of Robins. Yes, LeBron's commercial thumbed it's nose at all of the hate spewed towards the City of Rock. Even so, it's a new season!!! You guys have new uniforms, new coaches, and a few new players on the roster. Let me repeat: THIS IS A NEW SEASON! LeBron is long gone and looks like a kid in a candy store taking the court with Wade, Bosh and company. He's moved on, as should you. And it's funny that your team hasn't even played Miami yet. I'm thinking the score differential might be up there in the 40s, if not more. You guys should know better than anyone that an angry LeBron is a scary LeBron...

I understand the ailing of a city who's 3 sports teams don't even amount to LeBron's billfold. I understand how betrayed you felt in July. But, there has to be a point at which you decide that this is a new beginning. Videos like this will only enhance the curse that LeBron's shadow is casting on your city, and serve to make your city all the more bitter, and unhappy. No, Cleveland, you shouldn't forget what happened. However, does it really help to keep flinging trash at LeBron's name at this point? Making hateful videos isn't going to bring the man back, or make your team any less boring on paper (I see not one All-Star on that roster). As a matter of fact, rather than making hating videos and being upset, maybe you guys should be trying to train up another crop of LeBrons. Yeah, that's it... Start pushing your kids into basketball, so that maybe one day, one of them can leave the city's basketball team in shambles bring a championship to Cleveland...

Dear Delusional Cavaliers Fans

The LeBron-athon, and it's subsequent wake is OVER. Let me repeat. The LeBron-athon is OVER. LeBron James is a Miami Heat (they need to work on their subject-verb agreement in the NBA), and is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier. It's over. Cavs fans, it's time you started preparing for a new season without he-who-shall-not-be-named-anymore. The fact that a man can't show up at a Cleveland Indians game (a completely different sport, mind you) donning a different jersey without catching shade is a terrible. You should feel ashamed for trying to kick the guy out of the stadium, when he wasn't even trying to start trouble. Whatever the case from some random Indians game (they're not making the playoffs anyway), it stands to say that you guys still haven't recovered from the LeBron fallout. Mo Williams is going to be your best player going into the season. I don't know whether to feel bad for this season or really good because you'll have a good lottery pick this season. All signs are pointing to a long, long, long season in Cleveland, which makes your anger understandable. What that doesn't do is allow you guys to turn into the stereotypical sports fans you look like in these videos. A guy really can't wear a LeBron Heat jersey to a baseball game without being harassed? It's not even the same sport!!! I could see the ire if he showed up for Cavs opening night decked out in heat gear. Otherwise it just comes off as petty. You mad? (Cam'ron voice) If so, you'd better get used to frustration coming from the basketball court, because it's not going away until you get the #1 pick again. And guess what? No amount of peanuts and beers thrown, LeBron jerseys burned or angry open letters will ever get LeBron James back. He's moved on to bigger and (hopefully) better things. Deal with it, and just watch the damn game...

Dear Dan Gilbert

Caption: Am I f*cking up??

via The New York Times:

Cleveland fans, you can still hold your heads high: The curse has been lifted! Or so the Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert asserts, in an open letter to “Cleveland, all of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers supporters wherever you may be tonight.”

While some in the city and state that once hailed LeBron James as “king” burned his jerseys, Gilbert promised a much brighter future while simultaneously chastising and berating James for his “cowardly betrayal” of his hometown fans.

“But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called ‘curse’ on Cleveland, Ohio,” Gilbert wrote, noting that the “self-titled former ‘king” will be taking the bad luck and karma with him to South Beach. With the “curse” on its way to Miami, Cleveland is now primed to win a championship, in Gilbert’s eyes. In all capital letters, in the middle of the letter, Gilbert made a vow to Cavaliers fans everywhere:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE.”

Cleveland, Gilbert says, won’t just live on, it will prosper. Its children won’t have the image of a selfish role model draped over their arenas, and its front offices will be working harder than ever to win a championship against James.

As everyone is sitting there hating LeBron on the Heat, and raising their blood pressure over a deal that sealed basketball future, it would be easy to write about LeBron. However, the media firestorm, combined with the entire experience of the LeBronathon sickened me, so I'm not writing a part 2 to the previous letter. Instead we're going to take a look at you, Dan Gilbert. The owner that gave up the best player in the NBA.

I can't think of ANY time in the NBA when a team would allow, not only their best player to walk in free agency, but the best player in the NBA, and the world! Dan, you really dropped the ball on this one. The Cavaliers have had 7 (count em; 7) seasons to win an NBA Championship with LeBron James. That's 7 different seasons and 7 different chances to win. In NBA years, that's a long time. Dynasties are forged within 2-3 years. We're watching the end of one (sorry Lakers) and the beginning of a dynasty of endless epic proportions. The fact that you had well over twice that time to build a championship-caliber team around LeBron is sad. In those 7 years, I can't think of one season where James had a legitimate 2nd option on the team. Signing Larry Hughes was a joke and Mo Williams can't produce in the postseason. Not to mention, Antawn Jamison never can cut it in crunch time. Everytime your team won, it was because LeBron did something extraordinarily skilled or inhumanly athletic, not because someone else contributed consistently. Therefore, you can't ever be mad that he left to get some support (I think he went for broke for no reason, but that's another letter) around him. LeBron might have taken the easy way out, but can you blame him?

Your letter to the fans sounded like an angry ex-girlfriend who's ex-boyfriend upgraded significantly. It sounded like you were trying to find any conceivable way to speak ill of that person, regardless of whether you did right by them or not. What's worse is that you guaranteed a title before the Heat. You can't promise that!! What crystal ball were you looking into? Dan, you do realize that the your team, the Cavs have NOBODY on the squad. You guys won't be competing in the Eastern Conference for a long time. The Heat are a juggernaut, and they only have 4 players on their roster. The Celtics just re-upped with Jermaine O'Neal, the Bulls got better with Boozer and the Magic are still the Magic. Not to mention, the rest of the East is getting better. All that, combined with the fact that LeBron tried to smooth his move to Miami over with apologies, made you flip. That doesn't mean you should write angry letters to fans bashing the man. Seriously... Who tries to put a hex on a player leaving his team? Did you sit there at home and prick your LeBron James voodoo doll? Had you simply expressed remorse, or sounded optimistic (neither would truly make a difference, anyway), you wouldn't look like an ass now or have to start from square one with the Cavaliers and with Cleveland. Hope your wallets will be okay as Cleveland's economy rapidly declines and the Cavs don't make the playoffs for another 15 years...

First this, and now LeBron leaves?? Maybe Cleveland just isn't meant to win...