Dear Entry-Level Employer

We all need the right job... Not just 'a' job.

I'm writing this letter for my generation... for my friends, roommates, epoch, what have you, who are on the precipice of what adults would call 'adulthood'. Since my graduation from undergraduate college, my life has been filled with wanted ads, Craigslist posts, Monster.com profiles and resume-writing, all in search of you, an entry level employer. Your presence is what fuels every college career fair, resume workshop and self-imposed library-lockdown. You make it so that without you, the last four (or five, depending on who you ask) years are seen as a waste by everyone outside of my generation.

Entry-level job, I won't comment on where I am in my search for one of you (this blog has to keep something private). Everywhere I look, my friends are essentially losing their wills to live their dreams because they have to look for one of you. Whether it's to pay off college loans, placate parents, or just so that we're not in line at the soup kitchen, if we don't have one of you, times get rough.

In this economy opportunities are running slim, not to make that a scapegoat. Yet, our prospects can't help but make us dismal. We can go to events and send cover letters for eternity, but the fact is, the average unemployed citizen stays that way for nine months. For graduates that's a double strike. Not having years of experience over older job-seekers. That might make you wary of hiring us. It can be a strenuous process on both sides. Even so, we both have to be fair to one another. That said, here are some pointers:

1. I will not be losing my soul to one of you. Call it what you want, whether it be career exasperation, quarter-life crises or cognitive dissonance, your emergence leads to a crossroads of sorts: whether to continue following some semblance of 'going after my dreams' or to join the ranks of the employed with one of you. While most of my compatriots take the latter road, and find themselves burned out by a decent-paying job that they hate, I vow to leave if ever I feel the same way. It's not you, It's me. These days, no one is happy at their job. The recession made it so that people have to take on positions that they wouldn't normally take on, just to make ends meet. Yes, the poorhouse sucks. But I'd rather take my chances than go bald and have an aneurism at 24 due to work related stress and depression. Wouldn't you rather have the right employee for the position, who feels vindicated by it, than an unhappy laborer who can't wait for 5:00?

2. I am not expendable. As much as college graduates outnumber the Israelites on the way to Canaan, that doesn't mean that we are all the same. Nor does it mean that one graduate is the same as the next. Take the time to learn that. Generic postings such as 'high GPA needed', 'top college', 'go-getter', and 'high achiever' are like trying to sell fake iPods at a flea market in China. Stop trying to cast a wide net so that every graduate with a pulse will apply to you, and tailor yourself so that we know what we are getting into. Like I said, I am not expendable and you should treat me as such. I have ideas, cool stories and probably more expertise on a computer a lot of entire office. Regardless of how many rolodexes you have filled and continuing education seminars you've hosted, you can't possibly have potential that I (as a younger, more technologically adept employee) will have. Know that. Believe that. Understand that I will be in your position soon. Do you really want to be the employer that undervalued the college graduate with the 'next big idea'?

3. Pay me! No seriously, pay me. Please. Do you see what's going on in the news? The rich and huge corporations are making a killing and have been doing so for the past decade. I know your (probably) corporate bank account has more commas than an English sonnet. That comes with the territory of a lot more employers than before. Stop trying to reel us in with promises of 'Great commissions' and 'Incentive-based pay'. No. For all of the 'not-in-the-job-description' caliber work that I will most likely be entrusted with, it behooves you to pay me what I am worth, especially if I'm doing my job well. The bottom of the pyramid makes it so that the point can look good. Underpaying your employees, especially entry-level ones makes it so that YOU are the expendable ones. Tired of employee turnover in the lower rungs? Stop paying recent graduates peppercorns and give us an incentive to want to stay with one of you.

4. Make the job at least worth talking about. Account Executives, Account Associates, Executive Associates... They all do the SAME thing: get business for whatever firm in question. At this juncture in the economy, jobs are like Dunder-Mifflin paper: maybe not the same, but all serve the same function. Yes, pay is important. But what is your company doing to make it jump out at ME? Is there travel involved? Are there company outings? Firmwide streaking? Health benefits? Networking events? Happy hours? Take your pet rock to work day? Anything? Do something to make that 9-5 seem a little shorter. There's nothing worse that a job that offers nothing but work. In that case, the employees usually offer the bare minimum too. That company might not be around for much longer.

I think those are fair. Like I said, I won't remark on where I am in my job search, but I will be looking for one of you that fulfills those four needs. Maybe those aren't even as specific to you, as they are to jobs in general. We know it's a recession. That doesn't mean jobs have to become these lifeless, dreadful places that you want to leave as soon as you walk in.

Entry-level employer, I can guarantee you that I'm a top-notch employee with a track record to improve it. It's just that you guys aren't what you're hyped up to be, and signal a serious crossroads in our lives. In our complex journey for self-actualization, and as a recent graduate, your appeal has to be more than a salary. My greatest fear in life is having my paycheck be my bane, and I'm sure I can find 100 other grads thinking the same thing. They don't call us 'the Future' for nothing. We'll work. We'll slave. We'll blow your company up. (in the best way possible) Think of it as the 'it' that makes the salary not even register in our minds, the quid pro quo that makes both of us happy. I'll hold up my end of the bargain. Will you?

Chuck L.I. - Office Space (prod. by Stefan Ponce)

Chuck L.I. - Office Space (prod. by Stefan Ponce)

As a senior in college, the number one question you get every day is 'What are your plans for graduation?" The first few times it's cool, getting to toot your own horn with a quick speech on whatever plan is currently brewing up in your mind. After around December, though, you almost want to walk around with a shirt that says 'When I know what I'm doing after graduation, I'll tell you." If there's one thing I can wholeheartedly say without reservation, it's that I will LOVE anything I'll be doing. The working world is full of people who hate their jobs, and simultaneously hate their lives. This track by Chuck L.I. is for those people who don't want to get caught in the 9-5 rut... the ones who'd rather work for a passion than a paycheck... the ones who'd trade in their cubicles and generic business attire for some jeans, a t-shirt and a clean slate... the ones who want space, not office space. Chuck definitely made a fan of me with this one. Check the track out, and keep looking for your passion that hopefully provides a paycheck...

Props: Fake Shore Drive

Dear Career Fairs

You see that line??? I'll be damned if I have to wait in line to talk to some blowhole from HR at a career fair...

Today, I went to a career fair; and not just any career fair... My school's career fair. If you know me, you know what school it is, but that doesn't particularly mean much aside from personal semantics. This career fair could have been at any school, any campus and any city. That said, this was my first career fair, and probably my last.

Career fairs, I never saw the point in you. For two hours, I get to stand and walk around, look at booths that companies looking to hire graduates and interns put up, in the hopes that one of these companies will spot my genius. Here's the problem with all of you career fairs, though: EVERYONE GOES TO THEM. It's beginning to feel like you career fairs aren't really there to help the students and the jobless as much as you are the companies that are hiring. Think about it. If a job or company is a fisherman, we students are the bait, and you (the career fair) are the water, then these jobs are making a killing. They're reeling in a bunch of prospects, 95% of whom won't ever be contacted or called back, while we students swim around in you, hoping to be noticed by the fisherman. It doesn't help that we're all told the same things when we go to you. Every year I see some 'Insider's Guide' given out by the school to instruct us on how to 'attack' you. They all say one, or a combination of these things:

1. Bring your resume.
2. Don't dress like you're going to a rave.
3. Smile.
4. Ask for business cards and promotional material.
5. Follow-up in a week.
6. Ask questions.
7. Give answers that don't make you sound halfway retarded.

That, by no means, is an exhaustive list, but for most career-minded people, those fall within the common sense realm of knowledge. Regardless, the fact that there is all of this general information being spewed, as well as a dire lack of actual employment (I say actual, because these companies can't hire every 20 people who send a resume) make you, in my eyes a waste of time. Job fairs, it's not that I'm not looking for a career when I graduate, it's just that I'd rather not be another fish in your sea.

The economic climate is one where jobs are at a premium, and are becoming more specialized and experience-based. No, I'm not certain I'll get a job right out of school, but it beats going to one of you again. If it takes all of the networking, resume-building, and handshakes in the world, you won't find me in you again, stocking up on free candy and frisbees, and kissing some schmuck from HR's rear end, while looking over my shoulder at the competition. You may sound promising, career fairs, but in the end, all you are is a huge opportunity to brown-nose. I think I'll pass...

Graduatin' Ain't Shit - sent by iGoon

So, ummm, if you were following Dear Whoever earlier this month, you would have seen the two letters about college (here's the one to freshmen, and here's the one to the colleges themselves). I wanted to include some verbiage for all my college graudates. Unfortunately, I still haven't graduated yet. So, I had to get some knowledge from my man Ricky (aka InternetGoon; check the blog and the Twitter). Check out his take on being a graduate...


Smile!! Unemployment is right around the corner!!

If you didn't know, the iGoon is a graduate...I looked the word up just in case I wasn't and it means: a holder of an academic degree or diploma. Pretty simple..I've been a graduate all my life..

It first started in Kindergarten where I was prone to taking naps, kissing girl under tables, and just being a great kid. I didn't go to Pre School...I didn't need that shit..My preschool was my sister teaching me my ABC's and 123's...And by the look of it I turned out great..haha..

Then the next time I became a graduate was from Elementary School...5th Grade was actually good..I went around having different girlfriends..I actually had one girl that I took to the prom (yup we had one) and I used to call her using the house phone while I hid under a table in the living room..I didn't want my parents knowing anything so I tried to be very discreet...I wonder if it worked...By the way I was mayor of my school...All I did was make announcements on the PA speaker, get free periods off, and went on a free trip to DC...Pretty good...

Now we're in middle school...Big boys...I lived 2 minutes away from my school...I found a love for sports and became a solid athlete..Had a couple girls, experienced some major kisses...Escaped on freshman friday..(Basically every Friday, if you were a freshman you were bound to get beat up by the 7th and 8th graders) Not only was I fast as hell but I knew the upper classmen so no one was touching me...I graduated and it was great...

High School was one of the best experiences...I went to a boarding school in Delaware...did some great things..found my first love...made some great friends...had the best classes ever..was taught by the best teachers ever...I would definitely go back and experience it again...Damn...Some great times and great stories...Great graduation in which I was sad as hell..cried all over the place but I had to move on...

I moved on to college...To be honest, I didn't know there was an institution after high school..Sometimes you get so comfortable with high school that all I knew was Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and other Ivy Leaguers that I didn't have plans or dreams for college...But I made the move to a great college in Chestnut Hill, MA...Didn't like it first but realized that it would become the greatest place for me..Alcohol, women...education....more alcohol, more women...An abundant amount of nearby schools..It was just the place to be...

Now this is why graduating ain't shit...I ain't got no job...And yeah I could hide under a rock and blame the economy but fuck that...It's hard as hell out here in the real world...I wish I would have known what life would be like because I definitely did not sign up for this crap...I'm getting tired of people telling me the same thing, I'm getting tired of unpaid internships (I got bills bitch!) I'm tired of people saying "It'll get better." I haven't given up..Cause if I did I wouldn't be here..But this shit is rough..I remember last year I wrote an article saying I won't be jobless at this time next year...SMFH...Here I am, jobless...And don't get me wrong, I worked my ass off in college..It may not seem like that to you but I really don't give a fuck..I networked with what I thought were the right people...But if my connectors can't do any connecting then I'm fucked...

I got loans up my ass...It's getting real...It's not a fucking game...Now if I had a job would I be writing this article? Nope...Hopefully I get somewhere and some door opens...My resume is out there in the hands of people I trust, opportunities like blogging for Dr. Jay's may open some shit...But who knows...Right about now, graduating ain't shit...

How do you feel? I leave you with this great skit from Kanye's "College Droput"

Dear Colleges

So, ummm.. Yeah. We tackled the freshmen in college, providing them with wise words to guide them through the insufferable bullshit factory that is college. Today, we're gonna extend a helping hand to the people that make all the bullshit possible, the colleges themselves. This is more tongue-in-cheek than the previous post, so if you're an administrator, please don't cut my financial aid or something stupid like that. It's just jokes (kinda)...

So, now that school is in session (for damn near everyone but me), all the financial aid bills are coming in, classes are starting, and everything is going back to norman ($10 to anyone who can tell me where "back to Norman" came from). But alas, is everything really gravy on college campuses? In short, no. If you ask the average college student if he's completely satisfied with his experience, I guarantee he'll have more than a few gripes to send to the Dean. As with any institution, there will be imperfections, but it seems like college is becoming infused with more and more BS by the day. Check out some ways for our higher educations institutions to raise their standards even higher:

1. Step the food up. No, I'm serious. If you ask 9 out of 10 college students what they could improve on campus, this is the first thing. I'm 100% sure, I'm not the only undergraduate student on the planet who's tired of nasty meats, under or overcooked veggies, rock hard cookies and brownies, bad conditions in eating places or the ubiquitous lack of food at times. It's a sad day and age when we have to be subjected to meal plans that take our money more than take our appetites down. Seriously, stomach viruses aside, I'd love to see a college campus whose food is as good on orientation day (with parents in attendance) as it is in the middle of November. It always seems like the food on campus gets worse and worse as the year goes on. My stomach and wallet shouldn't be subjected to that. I'm sure out of the fifty stacks you're squeezing out of your thousands of students, you can find some guap in there to give us food suitable for students not inmates...

2. (via the incomparable Joshua Bennett)Increased diversity would be a pretty good idea. Not that I have a problem with people of any background, but it would be a nice touch to see a different mix in my classes. For those of you not culturally savvy to see through the hidden meaning in my rhetoric: I'm tired of being the only black kid in my class. Yeah, I've been doing it for a while. Yeah, I can still blow people's minds if they get into racially charged arguments. But once, just once, I'd like to be able to sit back and let the discourse take place without everyone looking to me for the "black opinion". On another note, diversity doesn't just mean race. It means people of different CULTURAL backgrounds, whether different economically, educationally, regionally, or whatever. It's not enough to put an insert in your brochure talking about how many different races attend the school. It has to be a concerted effort to get ideologies of every kind into the melting pot. We as students would get a lot more than diplomas if that were the case...

3. Public safety, and campus police, BACK OFF. Whether it's random interrogations because of less-than-silent music, impromptu parties broken up, being accosted for strange "smells", or just the stare of Johnny Law making me uncomfortable as a black man, campus police 9 times out of 10 are not the answer. Not only do these rent-a-cops have no real authority over us, other than to call the real police, their understanding of the law in and of itself is shaky enough. I've seen public safety officers violate the rights of my peers on numerous occasions, entering into their domiciles without warrant, holding them against their will and even beating them unjustly in public. These men and women aren't real police officers for a reason, and I don't think it's because cities are running out of funding for them. Perhaps more attention should be paid to the spirit of the rules rather than the enforcement. Perhaps the rules should be revised. I'm not an administrator, so my bearing on this issue is strictly one-sided. However, for the few actual risks to campus safety, there seem to be a great deal of officers standing around annoying students. 7-11 is a mini-mart, not a campus safety hangout...

4. Cut the bureaucracy. No, this is my biggest gripe of all. College is such a business. Though the websites may say .edu, and they may seem all warm and fuzzy on the brochures, colleges are truly out for one thing: money. By that token, you guys will stop at nothing to make our money, your money. If I'm lying, give me back a substantial amount of my tuition and you can stop reading this post. But, given that I am right, why is it that when my money comes into play, you guys can take all you want, but the prospect of giving turns a college into Ebenezer Scrooge? Why is it that I can be put on hold for 30 minutes when trying to determine my financial aid status for the year, but you can call me immediately when you want to collect money? Is it just me, or have the educational and enrichment aspects of college gone haywire? Even before college, we have to pay to take a test that evaluates us for college. Hell, we even have to pay to apply for college. Don't get me wrong. I understand that higher education has its price, but somewhere a line must be drawn. Stop squeezing me for ever penny I have, and educate me in the way you so eloquently swindled me into buying into three years ago...

5. Speaking of educating me, stop understaffing your classes. If you as an institution are going to be swindling my money away for whatever maniacal purposes have you, at least make sure the classes you purport to have are there. Seriously, I'm tired of trying to register and having each class I WANT and NEED to take filled up by God knows who. To me, if you see where a class is in high demand with a low supply, the job of the college is to meet that demand by adding an extra supply of classes (simple economics, right?). That way every student who wants a certain class, gets it. If a class is damn near empty, then why even have multiple sections of it? Doesn't that seem counterproductive? Hell, doesn't that seem plain old stupid? It does. So why then are colleges struggling to find classes for their students? Maybe I'm crazy, but the practice of understaffing academic departments just so you don't have to add an extra section is robbery, especially when the department is a strong point of the school. Teach me what you need to, and stop making me take a muddled, circumspect route to my diploma...

That's all for the colleges. It's sad that in a day where higher education is a must, the purveyors of that amenity are finding ways to swindle us students into an underwhelming version of it. Administrators can never complain about unhappy students if they aren't willing to simply address the (pressing) needs of their students. Not to gripe or bitch or whine, but are any of those demands that egregious? They seem like pretty reasonable things to ask of colleges. Readers, what do you think? Is college a starting to rip you off? Do you wish they would give as much as they take? Toss some comments either at my e-mail or in the box below and listen to another college themed jam...