Everic White

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Dear Entry-Level Employer

We all need the right job... Not just 'a' job.

I'm writing this letter for my generation... for my friends, roommates, epoch, what have you, who are on the precipice of what adults would call 'adulthood'. Since my graduation from undergraduate college, my life has been filled with wanted ads, Craigslist posts, Monster.com profiles and resume-writing, all in search of you, an entry level employer. Your presence is what fuels every college career fair, resume workshop and self-imposed library-lockdown. You make it so that without you, the last four (or five, depending on who you ask) years are seen as a waste by everyone outside of my generation.

Entry-level job, I won't comment on where I am in my search for one of you (this blog has to keep something private). Everywhere I look, my friends are essentially losing their wills to live their dreams because they have to look for one of you. Whether it's to pay off college loans, placate parents, or just so that we're not in line at the soup kitchen, if we don't have one of you, times get rough.

In this economy opportunities are running slim, not to make that a scapegoat. Yet, our prospects can't help but make us dismal. We can go to events and send cover letters for eternity, but the fact is, the average unemployed citizen stays that way for nine months. For graduates that's a double strike. Not having years of experience over older job-seekers. That might make you wary of hiring us. It can be a strenuous process on both sides. Even so, we both have to be fair to one another. That said, here are some pointers:

1. I will not be losing my soul to one of you. Call it what you want, whether it be career exasperation, quarter-life crises or cognitive dissonance, your emergence leads to a crossroads of sorts: whether to continue following some semblance of 'going after my dreams' or to join the ranks of the employed with one of you. While most of my compatriots take the latter road, and find themselves burned out by a decent-paying job that they hate, I vow to leave if ever I feel the same way. It's not you, It's me. These days, no one is happy at their job. The recession made it so that people have to take on positions that they wouldn't normally take on, just to make ends meet. Yes, the poorhouse sucks. But I'd rather take my chances than go bald and have an aneurism at 24 due to work related stress and depression. Wouldn't you rather have the right employee for the position, who feels vindicated by it, than an unhappy laborer who can't wait for 5:00?

2. I am not expendable. As much as college graduates outnumber the Israelites on the way to Canaan, that doesn't mean that we are all the same. Nor does it mean that one graduate is the same as the next. Take the time to learn that. Generic postings such as 'high GPA needed', 'top college', 'go-getter', and 'high achiever' are like trying to sell fake iPods at a flea market in China. Stop trying to cast a wide net so that every graduate with a pulse will apply to you, and tailor yourself so that we know what we are getting into. Like I said, I am not expendable and you should treat me as such. I have ideas, cool stories and probably more expertise on a computer a lot of entire office. Regardless of how many rolodexes you have filled and continuing education seminars you've hosted, you can't possibly have potential that I (as a younger, more technologically adept employee) will have. Know that. Believe that. Understand that I will be in your position soon. Do you really want to be the employer that undervalued the college graduate with the 'next big idea'?

3. Pay me! No seriously, pay me. Please. Do you see what's going on in the news? The rich and huge corporations are making a killing and have been doing so for the past decade. I know your (probably) corporate bank account has more commas than an English sonnet. That comes with the territory of a lot more employers than before. Stop trying to reel us in with promises of 'Great commissions' and 'Incentive-based pay'. No. For all of the 'not-in-the-job-description' caliber work that I will most likely be entrusted with, it behooves you to pay me what I am worth, especially if I'm doing my job well. The bottom of the pyramid makes it so that the point can look good. Underpaying your employees, especially entry-level ones makes it so that YOU are the expendable ones. Tired of employee turnover in the lower rungs? Stop paying recent graduates peppercorns and give us an incentive to want to stay with one of you.

4. Make the job at least worth talking about. Account Executives, Account Associates, Executive Associates... They all do the SAME thing: get business for whatever firm in question. At this juncture in the economy, jobs are like Dunder-Mifflin paper: maybe not the same, but all serve the same function. Yes, pay is important. But what is your company doing to make it jump out at ME? Is there travel involved? Are there company outings? Firmwide streaking? Health benefits? Networking events? Happy hours? Take your pet rock to work day? Anything? Do something to make that 9-5 seem a little shorter. There's nothing worse that a job that offers nothing but work. In that case, the employees usually offer the bare minimum too. That company might not be around for much longer.

I think those are fair. Like I said, I won't remark on where I am in my job search, but I will be looking for one of you that fulfills those four needs. Maybe those aren't even as specific to you, as they are to jobs in general. We know it's a recession. That doesn't mean jobs have to become these lifeless, dreadful places that you want to leave as soon as you walk in.

Entry-level employer, I can guarantee you that I'm a top-notch employee with a track record to improve it. It's just that you guys aren't what you're hyped up to be, and signal a serious crossroads in our lives. In our complex journey for self-actualization, and as a recent graduate, your appeal has to be more than a salary. My greatest fear in life is having my paycheck be my bane, and I'm sure I can find 100 other grads thinking the same thing. They don't call us 'the Future' for nothing. We'll work. We'll slave. We'll blow your company up. (in the best way possible) Think of it as the 'it' that makes the salary not even register in our minds, the quid pro quo that makes both of us happy. I'll hold up my end of the bargain. Will you?

Chuck L.I. - Office Space (prod. by Stefan Ponce)

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Chuck L.I. - Office Space (prod. by Stefan Ponce)

As a senior in college, the number one question you get every day is 'What are your plans for graduation?" The first few times it's cool, getting to toot your own horn with a quick speech on whatever plan is currently brewing up in your mind. After around December, though, you almost want to walk around with a shirt that says 'When I know what I'm doing after graduation, I'll tell you." If there's one thing I can wholeheartedly say without reservation, it's that I will LOVE anything I'll be doing. The working world is full of people who hate their jobs, and simultaneously hate their lives. This track by Chuck L.I. is for those people who don't want to get caught in the 9-5 rut... the ones who'd rather work for a passion than a paycheck... the ones who'd trade in their cubicles and generic business attire for some jeans, a t-shirt and a clean slate... the ones who want space, not office space. Chuck definitely made a fan of me with this one. Check the track out, and keep looking for your passion that hopefully provides a paycheck...

Props: Fake Shore Drive

Dear Career Fairs

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You see that line??? I'll be damned if I have to wait in line to talk to some blowhole from HR at a career fair...

Today, I went to a career fair; and not just any career fair... My school's career fair. If you know me, you know what school it is, but that doesn't particularly mean much aside from personal semantics. This career fair could have been at any school, any campus and any city. That said, this was my first career fair, and probably my last.

Career fairs, I never saw the point in you. For two hours, I get to stand and walk around, look at booths that companies looking to hire graduates and interns put up, in the hopes that one of these companies will spot my genius. Here's the problem with all of you career fairs, though: EVERYONE GOES TO THEM. It's beginning to feel like you career fairs aren't really there to help the students and the jobless as much as you are the companies that are hiring. Think about it. If a job or company is a fisherman, we students are the bait, and you (the career fair) are the water, then these jobs are making a killing. They're reeling in a bunch of prospects, 95% of whom won't ever be contacted or called back, while we students swim around in you, hoping to be noticed by the fisherman. It doesn't help that we're all told the same things when we go to you. Every year I see some 'Insider's Guide' given out by the school to instruct us on how to 'attack' you. They all say one, or a combination of these things:

1. Bring your resume.
2. Don't dress like you're going to a rave.
3. Smile.
4. Ask for business cards and promotional material.
5. Follow-up in a week.
6. Ask questions.
7. Give answers that don't make you sound halfway retarded.

That, by no means, is an exhaustive list, but for most career-minded people, those fall within the common sense realm of knowledge. Regardless, the fact that there is all of this general information being spewed, as well as a dire lack of actual employment (I say actual, because these companies can't hire every 20 people who send a resume) make you, in my eyes a waste of time. Job fairs, it's not that I'm not looking for a career when I graduate, it's just that I'd rather not be another fish in your sea.

The economic climate is one where jobs are at a premium, and are becoming more specialized and experience-based. No, I'm not certain I'll get a job right out of school, but it beats going to one of you again. If it takes all of the networking, resume-building, and handshakes in the world, you won't find me in you again, stocking up on free candy and frisbees, and kissing some schmuck from HR's rear end, while looking over my shoulder at the competition. You may sound promising, career fairs, but in the end, all you are is a huge opportunity to brown-nose. I think I'll pass...

Dear Spider-Man

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I guess even wall-crawlers feel the recession. Spidey, you had the run of all runs at The Daily Bugle. Jonah Jameson treated you like his personal whipping boy for your entire tenure at that newspaper, and you risked your life and secret identity countless times, all for the sanctity of your job. Not many people, or comic book characters for that matter, can say that. I suppose it's a bit of a statement by Marvel about the state of the United States, and the journalism industry. There's definitely an air of the Civil Rights going on in X-Men. I never thought they would explore the recession, or have you fired. Does this mean you're going to be a freelance photographer, or are you going to make Spider-Man your full-time position? Whatever the case, happy job hunting, Peter. Get on Craigslist and start looking for some internships (probably unpaid). If all else fails, start selling those shots of Spider-Man to another paper, man. Lord knows New York is a tough city to navigate with no deniro coming in...