Dear Entry-Level Employer

We all need the right job... Not just 'a' job.

I'm writing this letter for my generation... for my friends, roommates, epoch, what have you, who are on the precipice of what adults would call 'adulthood'. Since my graduation from undergraduate college, my life has been filled with wanted ads, Craigslist posts, Monster.com profiles and resume-writing, all in search of you, an entry level employer. Your presence is what fuels every college career fair, resume workshop and self-imposed library-lockdown. You make it so that without you, the last four (or five, depending on who you ask) years are seen as a waste by everyone outside of my generation.

Entry-level job, I won't comment on where I am in my search for one of you (this blog has to keep something private). Everywhere I look, my friends are essentially losing their wills to live their dreams because they have to look for one of you. Whether it's to pay off college loans, placate parents, or just so that we're not in line at the soup kitchen, if we don't have one of you, times get rough.

In this economy opportunities are running slim, not to make that a scapegoat. Yet, our prospects can't help but make us dismal. We can go to events and send cover letters for eternity, but the fact is, the average unemployed citizen stays that way for nine months. For graduates that's a double strike. Not having years of experience over older job-seekers. That might make you wary of hiring us. It can be a strenuous process on both sides. Even so, we both have to be fair to one another. That said, here are some pointers:

1. I will not be losing my soul to one of you. Call it what you want, whether it be career exasperation, quarter-life crises or cognitive dissonance, your emergence leads to a crossroads of sorts: whether to continue following some semblance of 'going after my dreams' or to join the ranks of the employed with one of you. While most of my compatriots take the latter road, and find themselves burned out by a decent-paying job that they hate, I vow to leave if ever I feel the same way. It's not you, It's me. These days, no one is happy at their job. The recession made it so that people have to take on positions that they wouldn't normally take on, just to make ends meet. Yes, the poorhouse sucks. But I'd rather take my chances than go bald and have an aneurism at 24 due to work related stress and depression. Wouldn't you rather have the right employee for the position, who feels vindicated by it, than an unhappy laborer who can't wait for 5:00?

2. I am not expendable. As much as college graduates outnumber the Israelites on the way to Canaan, that doesn't mean that we are all the same. Nor does it mean that one graduate is the same as the next. Take the time to learn that. Generic postings such as 'high GPA needed', 'top college', 'go-getter', and 'high achiever' are like trying to sell fake iPods at a flea market in China. Stop trying to cast a wide net so that every graduate with a pulse will apply to you, and tailor yourself so that we know what we are getting into. Like I said, I am not expendable and you should treat me as such. I have ideas, cool stories and probably more expertise on a computer a lot of entire office. Regardless of how many rolodexes you have filled and continuing education seminars you've hosted, you can't possibly have potential that I (as a younger, more technologically adept employee) will have. Know that. Believe that. Understand that I will be in your position soon. Do you really want to be the employer that undervalued the college graduate with the 'next big idea'?

3. Pay me! No seriously, pay me. Please. Do you see what's going on in the news? The rich and huge corporations are making a killing and have been doing so for the past decade. I know your (probably) corporate bank account has more commas than an English sonnet. That comes with the territory of a lot more employers than before. Stop trying to reel us in with promises of 'Great commissions' and 'Incentive-based pay'. No. For all of the 'not-in-the-job-description' caliber work that I will most likely be entrusted with, it behooves you to pay me what I am worth, especially if I'm doing my job well. The bottom of the pyramid makes it so that the point can look good. Underpaying your employees, especially entry-level ones makes it so that YOU are the expendable ones. Tired of employee turnover in the lower rungs? Stop paying recent graduates peppercorns and give us an incentive to want to stay with one of you.

4. Make the job at least worth talking about. Account Executives, Account Associates, Executive Associates... They all do the SAME thing: get business for whatever firm in question. At this juncture in the economy, jobs are like Dunder-Mifflin paper: maybe not the same, but all serve the same function. Yes, pay is important. But what is your company doing to make it jump out at ME? Is there travel involved? Are there company outings? Firmwide streaking? Health benefits? Networking events? Happy hours? Take your pet rock to work day? Anything? Do something to make that 9-5 seem a little shorter. There's nothing worse that a job that offers nothing but work. In that case, the employees usually offer the bare minimum too. That company might not be around for much longer.

I think those are fair. Like I said, I won't remark on where I am in my job search, but I will be looking for one of you that fulfills those four needs. Maybe those aren't even as specific to you, as they are to jobs in general. We know it's a recession. That doesn't mean jobs have to become these lifeless, dreadful places that you want to leave as soon as you walk in.

Entry-level employer, I can guarantee you that I'm a top-notch employee with a track record to improve it. It's just that you guys aren't what you're hyped up to be, and signal a serious crossroads in our lives. In our complex journey for self-actualization, and as a recent graduate, your appeal has to be more than a salary. My greatest fear in life is having my paycheck be my bane, and I'm sure I can find 100 other grads thinking the same thing. They don't call us 'the Future' for nothing. We'll work. We'll slave. We'll blow your company up. (in the best way possible) Think of it as the 'it' that makes the salary not even register in our minds, the quid pro quo that makes both of us happy. I'll hold up my end of the bargain. Will you?

Dear Readers

Soooo, this is actually the first time I've written a letter to you, the people who read Dear Whoever. I didn't do anything to celebrate the blog's 2-year anniversary, so I suppose it's high time I did something different. It's actually kind of difficult to word this without sounding corny, no matter how refreshing it is. Whatever the case, here goes nothing:

Thank you for continuing to rock with Dear Whoever. It's been over two years since I started this blog as themailmancame.blogspot.com, with an angry diatribe berating my alma mater for all of the random trivialities that irked me at the time. I wasn't sure why I decided to write about it (online, albeit), but I'm glad I did. Dear Whoever has given me a consistent outlet to broadcast all those random ruminations about and reactions to life that one might not get. I started this out with the intention of becoming an elevated sneaker and music blog, but it's elevated to more of a quasi-personal series of open letters and random writing dealing with music, politics, social issues and general buffoonery. That it's not 'your typical music/fashion/whatever blog' is one of the things that keeps me writing and looking for content to write about. As I've gone on in school, yes, it's been hard to write multiple times a day like I did in the beginning, but somehow I end up coming back, which I'm thankful for.

I suppose this letter was more mushy/retrospective than I intended. But one can't help but get all nostalgic when they look back and see a history and a progression of the writing they've done over two years. That you, the readers, have seen this journey through with me is a feat in and of itself. That said, please please please continue to support Dear Whoever. Comment the posts so we can discuss. 'Like' it on Facebook, tweet it, e-mail it, RSS feed it. Do whatever you want to spread the word. I tweeted today that I don't write Dear Whoever because people are supposed to like it. I write it because I like to write. That you guys read it anyway is a blessing. I really hope my writing has sparked something in those hungry dome pieces of yours, because it's done that for me. And I'm sure I've got more letters and other cool stuff cooking up in mine, with a lot of surprises to come. Thanks again for keeping your mailboxes open...

P.S.: If you're a sports fan, make sure you check out some basketball articles I've been penning for Argue All Day, a Marcus Troy sports blog...

Dear Valentine's Day

I couldn't resist putting this flick up!

So, before you sit there and say to yourself, 'Sheesh, here's another heartbroken, bitter tirade against me by some hopeless romantic without someone to spend my day with,' you should know this, Valentine's Day: Yes, I am a hopeless romantic. Yes, my heart's been broken more times than I can count. Yes, I am bitter. However, V-Day, there is no hate coming from my side this year.

Eros, or erotic love as we know it, has made you into a day for lovers, and that concept has been eaten alive by the media, card companies and by the saps good people who believe yours is the day of love. Yet, I've come up with a rebuttal for your tantalizing hold on our hearts, Valentine's Day: When your not in love with someone else, it's time to love yourself. That said, I've prepared a list of things that make life worth loving. Rather than pine over lost loves and recount the 'what-ifs' constantly circling my mind, your day will be spent doing and experiencing self love (get all the masturbation jokes out now.. *waits*) and the beauty of remembering that oneself is enough. On your day I will:

- Be listening to the most ignorant, asinine, non-erotic music known to man. Whether Waka Flaka Flame, Gucci, Wayne, 50, Old Jay-Z, Big L, Linkin Park (#shoutout to Hybrid Theory for being my high school soundtrack), The LOX (not D-Block), Cam'Ron and Dip Set. Not only will that be some good old fashioned n*ggadry floating in the air, any thoughts of romance will be vanquished by that of guns, money and utter testosterone. V-Day, I don't need your R&B playlist to have a good day.

- Be wearing a neutral color. There are two types of people during your day: The saps great people who are decked out in red and whatever regalia of your day, and the Debbie Downers rocking black as a 'protest' to your rosy air. Neutral colors will give off the atmosphere of a regular day, not one marked by foolish affections. Rather than fall victim to either love or hatred of you, it's better to stay in the middle.

- Do inordinate amounts of homework, job searching, and (hopefully) blogging. Maybe I'll even work out. Anything.. Something that'll benefit me. One of the things that we abandon while searching for 'that one' and running around like decapitated lovebirds is an appreciation for getting things done. People use you as an excuse to take the day off 'in the name of love'. Valentine's Day, you're a Monday! As far as I'm concerned, it should be business as usual and will stay that way.

- Hang with the people that will always love me: my friends. People get so caught up in you, and being 'boo'ed up' that they forget they have friends... Friends that share stories and ideas, and have smart conversations about stupid things, and insult you mercilessly, and make those 'single life' moments all the more memorable. Who needs a Valentine for your day, when you've got friends?

- Get a good night's sleep. One thing I always notice on February 15th is how tired everyone is. Whether from an evening full of 'activities', to an all-night argument, to sitting up pining, people come in to work or school looking more famished than the Israelites traveling the desert. Rather than bother myself staying up (and I'm a night-owl to the core), I'll be asleep at a reasonable hour and wake up at such an hour. That's better than living nocturnal for one night, then taking the entire week to catch up on sleep. When the lovebirds are falling asleep at the wheel or making depression-caliber financial mistakes while dozing off on the trading floor, I'll be completely coherent and ready to rock on the 15th.

Valentine's Day, it's not that I hate you or that I'm trying to distract myself from thinking about you. It's that I'd rather live and love the other 364 days of the year, than try and have a 'memorable' day with you. It's not that I wouldn't like a significant other. It's that I'd rather focus on being the best me for the day that woman walks into my life. If I'm focused on you, I'm missing out on every other day that I could be pulling out all the stops for ME, not a likeness of romance that you've injected into everyone else's head.

V-Day, I appreciate your recognition and the 'wonders' (subjective) that you've done for the expression of love worldwide. That doesn't mean I'm going to be another love-blind drone spewing my heart out all day. To boot, eschewing your idiocy will most definitely be showing some SERIOUS love to my wallet. At the end of the day, not only will I be well on the road to being the best me possible, you'll mean that much more in the event that next year I'm not spending it single. So, V-Day, I say live and let live. You do your thing, I'll do mine, and maybe we can talk in another 365...

Dear Future Girlfriend

It only made sense... *bops head*

It's a new year, but the same problems we faced in 2010 are the same ones that'll rear their ugly heads in new and innovative ways. One such issue is that of relationship woes. Relationships are easy to get into, but hard to deal with and much harder to sustain when people don't see eye-to-eye. Even worse is when one partner switches up their standards or backslides into a dangerous romantic state, leaving the other confused and in a one-sided relationship.

That said, I think this year needs to be one of well-defined, yet achievable standards. My future girlfriend, it's time for you to get acquainted to what I want. Often, in this highly matrifocal society, women are afforded the driver's seat in relationships. In my circles, far too many times has the onus been on the man to be patient, accommodating, caring, and understanding, without receiving the same in return, or receiving it half-assedly. It's time to let my needs be known. Future girlfriend, here are my list of (non-sexual) demands requests hopes for you and us:

- You don't have to be interested in the same things as me, but being able to converse on a number of different levels is imperative. Whether it's about rhesus monkeys overtaking the Congolese population, why Sarah Palin needs a muzzle, or whether Julian Assange is a bastion of free speech or a terrorist, have something to talk about other than yourself. If you're good-looking sans personality, it's about as attractive as Hannibal Lecter's plastic surgery patients.

- We need to be honest with one another, not in the sense that we should trade journals and have three-a-day 'honesty' hours. I mean more so in the sense that if something is amiss, you bring it to my attention, rather than waiting for me to ask you.

- Comfort me when I'm down, and I'll do the same. Make me smile and I promise I'll give you a reason to smile every day. Do the opposite, and the romantic pot you piss in will be yanked from right under you. Point. Blank. Period. Relationships are about reciprocation, in feelings and ideology.

- Everyone has emotional baggage. That's just the way romance works. The point of getting into a new relationship is to alleviate the wrongs that your previous partner did and leave the baggage behind, all while making newer, happy memories. If your baggage is too much for you to handle, you should trust me as your significant other to fix what he did.

- Speaking of exes, if you have a recent ex, please please please please, either cut him off or establish your own boundary for acceptable contact. Your ex is your ex for a reason. If he's still in your life (and you still visualize the two of you together), that leaves the door open for a gang of misunderstandings and arguments for us. I wouldn't say I'm the jealous type, but my Spider senses tingle when I see you keeping him around.

- I don't care about your monetary, employment or educational status as long as you're constantly and gainfully working toward something. I know I can get into ruts of slacker-dom, as do many of my peers. At the same time, there's no excuse to be completely stagnant. Have a plan or an idea or... SOMETHING!

- Infidelity is punishable by getting cut off completely. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You want to get all 60's on me and experience 'free love'? Get on Craigslist's casual encounters and leave me out of your menagerie of sexual exploits. At this age, monogamy is the name of the game. Two players, and we all win... Any more than that is a crowd and a headache.

- Last, but not least, if it doesn't feel right, let's take a step back. We shouldn't invest in something we're not sure about. There's nothing more backwards than jumping headfirst without surveying the landing, though I'm guilty of it as much as the next. Moderation at the beginning is a virtue. If we're not on the same page, let's hold our heads until the dust settles.

To all you budding feminists reading this saying 'Who does he think he is?' and 'No woman is there to be your personal footstool!', consider this: If you were to begin a relationship and a man were to eschew any of these edicts, would you still want to be with him? Better yet, if a man were to do all these and more, would there be any issue? This letter isn't a list of exhaustive demands I have for you, future girlfriend. The list is simply retorts to problems I've faced in relationships and hopefully a viewing window into what I think should be tenets of a healthy relationship. Misunderstandings are natural in romance; that goes without saying. Yet, the little amount and discordant manner of dialogue between the sexes illustrates how little we're willing to understand one another. So, to my future girlfriend, let's build on a foundation of understanding, not hot air and sparks. It'll be well worth the effort on both sides.