Singing Telegram: The Notorious B.I.G. - Ten Crack Commandments

What's up people? Today's Singing Telegram is a bit different from the usual. It's not an actual song, but a poetry reading of a song. As normal as it sounds, the reading is done by Adrien Brody, who, up until this point was unbeknownst to me as a Biggie fan. At the Academy of American Poets, Brody recites the late Christopher Wallace's '10 Crack Commandments', citing Biggie as one of 'the most influential poets of his generation'. I can't disagree with him, though I do question whether he did this out of genuine respect, or to see the shocked faces in the crowd. I'll tend to believe the latter, especially as '10 Crack Commandments' is one of my favorite songs, and a pretty good instruction manual when dealing in any type of business. I've taken the liberty of explicating each of Biggie's edicts in much more general terms. It might be better served than spitting them free-form in front of poetry buffs. Listen along, so you get the full effect of these powerful rules.


The Notorious B.I.G. - Ten Crack Commandments

The Ten Crack Commandments:

1. Don't let anyone know what kind of or how much money you possess. There are, at every turn, jealous crooks waiting to steal it from you, whether in courts or on corners. Broadcasting your ends also makes it easier to track and audit them. You don't want the IRS barking up your tree.

2. Keep your plans and movements to yourself. No one likes to have their grand schemes interrupted by gunfire, much less another opportunist running away with your ideas. Additionally, telling more people gives way to the plan losing its general profitability. Too many heads on the bottle makes everyone go thirsty.

3. Don't trust anyone. Anyone has the propensity to double-cross you in the chase for material wealth. Make sure the people you keep around you are trustworthy and strong-minded, so as not to compromise your operation.

4. Avoid shrinkage. Whether it's bean pies, sneakers, stocks or rocks, don't allow your business to be cut into by your vices. Business and pleasure aren't two things that should live together, especially if your business is pleasure.

5. Don't do business where you lay your head. It's a sticky situation waiting to happen if your customers or enemies see you taking showers, watching the game, and selling your wares out of the same location. Not to mention, in the event that your domus is public knowledge, you'll see a spike in how many people you have hanging around. Keep a low profile in person, and habitat.

6. Don't do credit. Cash transactions were the creation of needing a medium for when bartering just didn't do the trick. It's a quick standard that always gets the job done. Credit does nothing but complicate things, especially when it's time to collect.

7. Mixing family and business is almost never a good look. The Godfather trilogy, songs with Beyonce and Solange... the list goes on. If it must be done, keep the circle as small as possible. Think Will Smith and his clan.

8. Don't ever keep your product on you. Police, government regulators, and greedy acquaintances will always find a reason to shake you down. You'd rather not give them any reason for suspicion.

9. Stay away from police. The funny thing about the boys in blue is that they are never around when they need to be, and always around when you want them gone. Don't entertain their witty banter or war stories, much less engage them in an argument. Not only will it arouse the suspicion of your competitors, you're more likely to be implicated if you slip-up.

10. Consignment is a hard thing to juggle. If you're not well-seasoned in your business, buying without the means to pay it back is essentially systematic debt. Rather than bite off more than you can chew and risk losing it all, remember this: slow and steady wins the race. Build your empire, until you are the one people are coming to for ends.

Reek DeVille - 10 Mack Commandments

Reek DeVille - 10 Mack Commandments

As far as remakes of classic songs go, remixes to Biggie's '10 Crack Commandments' come a dime a dozen. That's no knock on anyone who tries, but simply a sign of the times. That said, if you're going to make a list to BIG's rulebook to the crack game, make sure you do it well. Such is the case with Reek DeVille, formerly known as Reek da Villain. His remake, entitled the '10 Mack Commandments' is about as exhaustive a list as possible when dealing with females in this life. In fact, I think more relationships would stay the course needed if men used their heads (not that one). Reek is preparing to drop his How to Be a Player EP with OnSMASH soon, and if this is the first track, consider my ears perked up. Check it out...

Dear Lil' Kim

Rap beef is pretty much played out... There, I said it. At this point in hip-hop, most rap beefs aren't based on anything other than hot air, hearsay and rappers' vanity. Back in the day, there seemed to be some substance behind the conflicts in hip-hop, whether it was turf wars, gang-related, or actual name calling. Nowadays, if you say the wrong word on wax or make reference to someone's past (coughcoughMCHammercoughcough), a diss track is coming your way. Such is the case with your latest offering Kimberly. Now, Kim, not to diminish your place in hip-hop, because you do have a half-decent legacy, but you know good and well that your 'beef' with Nicki Minaj is little more than a desperate attempt at regaining the spotlight.

Kim, when is the last time you put out a track? I can't name one, much less remember the last time I heard your name called out loud in reference to anything related to a song. You've gotten more press on MTO in the past year than on any hip-hop blog or hip-hop show. For God's sake, you were on Dancing With the Stars, the rest haven for has-beens looking for a way back into the limelight. By that virtue, your entry into this beef is completely ill-placed. It's as if you saw Nicki Minaj's celebrity growing each day, and decided that you were the only plastic surgery-enhanced, weird hair-colored, overt sexual lyric-spitting MC that should be considered. You know what that is? That's the definition of a hater. I despise that word, but you've got to call a spade a spade sometimes.

First of all, Nicki Minaj said little, if anything directly correlating to you on 'Roman's Revenge'. That you took it as such means you're a little salty over something completely imagined. Why are you mad? Second of all, how are you going to call out Nicki for 'biting' when your whole stee-lo was bitten. Biggie wrote your entire catalog up until 'La Bella Mafia', and even after that, every popular song you had was biting some other song. If it wasn't 'The Jump Off' using The Lost Boyz' entire chorus, it was 'Lighters Up' taking Junior Gong's flow from 'Welcome to Jamrock'. Kim, you're the last person who should be talking about originality. Sure, you started the whole explicit lyrics from a female MC trend, but as you've gotten older and more and more grotesque (anyone who thinks Kim looks good has vision problems), that ploy has gotten older and older. Not to mention, I damn sure would rather watch Nicki Minaj rap than you. All those voices and different flows? C'mon son... Nicki is entertaining, and you know it. The woman might be as vapid as a tube of hot air on wax, but she sounds cool doing it.

Let's face it, Kim. Your era is DONE. You and Foxy Brown had your time in the limelight then essentially fell into obscurity for Lord knows why. That both of you are coming at Nicki now is sad. You two are old dogs trying to learn new tricks and failing terribly, while Nicki says the truth: When you pop up on a Billboard track, then she should respond. Until then, you should just go pump more silicon into yourself and see if you can re-work more of Biggie's raps to sound like you. That'll get you more shine than trying to push your way back into the scene with a diss track. 50 originated that, and look where he's at. It damn sure won't work for you, especially with a weak diss track like that...

Dear Rick Ross (re: Bugatti Boyz)

Quick!! Without thinking, who was the last solo artist to go platinum with Diddy and his Bad Boy Records? If you said Biggie, try again. If you said Ma$e, you're still wrong. What about Black Rob, Cassie (*uncontrollable laughter*), Mario Winans or Carl Thomas? Still wrong. If you answered none other than Atlanta's own Yung Joc, then (*bells and whistles*) you are correct. Ironically, none of these artists, including the ones that cam after Joc are in any state of popularity in hip-hop. As you look down the roster of artists that Bad Boy has taken on, it's hard to find anyone sans Biggie, Faith Evans, Ma$e and 112 (all of whom were in the same era) who were able to levy their success to anything not Diddy-related.

The Complete Bad Boy Graveyard Family (and their last known wherabouts):
- The Notorious BIG (deceased)
- The LOX (removed from Bad Boy; now called D-Block to moderate success and have since reconciled with Diddy)
- Craig Mack (unknown)
- G-Dep (somewhere sucking a crackpipe)
- Ma$e (deciding between church and state)
- Shyne (now an orthodox Jew)
- Elephant Man (deported to Jamaica)
- Cheri Denis (unknown)
- Faith Evans (at a Weight Watchers near you)
- Mario Winans (I don't want to know)
- Da Band (defunct; now a punchline)
- 8-Ball and MJG (making music under different label imprint)
- Cassie (on MediaTakeout's first page)
- Boyz in Da Hood (defunct; Jeezy saw the light before it was too late)
- Gorilla Zoe (still on Bad Boy; buzz still is non-existant)
- Danity Kane (defunct; Dawn: now Dirty Money, Aubrey: now lesbian)
- Day 26 (defunct)
- Red Cafe (still on Bad Boy; album still pending)
- Dirty Money (now Diddy-Dirty Money; appear as backup singers on "Last Train to Paris")
- Janelle Monae (recently signed to Bad Boy; 1st album on label released)

Now, that list is by no means exhaustive. I state this fact to illustrate one point, and one alone: Signing up to work with Diddy is the equivalent of putting a (very close) expiration date on your career. Every artist that isn't dead, doing music on their own, or in another facet of show business is now a page in hip-hop obscurity. That said, Ricky Rozay, you look like you will be the first artist EVER to break the Biggie-Bad Boy Curse.

Ross, it's no secret that your larger-than-life persona is a complete fabrication. We've known this fact since 50 Cent went on one of his trademark offensives. Even so, you've been able to counteract these lies with what would be a very good career in hip-hop, by most standards. Four albums, a hefty amount of street anthems, and a number of legal run-ins after your 'Port of Miami' debut has had your pockets looking as obese as you are. With the way hip-hop is becoming more and more minimalist on an underground level, it's refreshing to see that you're thriving economically (or so you would like us to believe). That said, this new 'Bugatti Boys' initiative with Diddy looks like you're going to be doing a lot of the writing footwork, regardless of the fact that Diddy's name will be all over it.

When you first began working with Diddy, the parallels between yourself and Biggie were undeniable from a physical standpoint: two fat SOBs who can rap really well about being drug pushers, street violence and lavish lifestyles. On the surface it's almost as if Diddy struck the lotto twice. However, when looking more closely at you, Ross, it's easy to see why Diddy needs you more than you need him.

Diddy had nothing before he had the Notorious BIG, and even Biggie he had to push into stardom. Biggie never wanted to be a crossover hit. When looking at the albums he was alive for (not the ones Diddy muffed up), the Notorious BIG can be split into two personas: the older, Don Dada-esque Mafioso persona on songs like 'Warning' and 'One More Chance (Remix)' and the younger, gritty, damn near sadistic, Biggie on tracks like 'Gimme the Loot'. Diddy had to convince Big numerous times that the latter of those two was not conducive to selling, even if hardcore hip-hop fans supported the effort. In your case, Ross, you already have the backing of most hip-hoppers, who, even though they throw salt on your name because of the C.O. situation, acknowledge your prowess and presence on the mic. As your career has grown so has your well-constructed 'Bawse' persona. You didn't need Diddy to cultivate your radio-friendly side because you already were on the radio.

The endeavor you're embarking on with Diddy should be nothing more than a fun activity to pass the time between your next album. Any other affiliation with the artist formerly known as Puffy should be strictly personal, not professional (you saw what happened to Cassie). Additionally, it's clear that at this point in his musical career, Diddy is looking for nothing more than a crutch with which to promote himself. To work with P. Diddy, all you have to do is be hot at that moment and remotely marketable. You, Ricky, fit that standard perfectly, and Diddy has hooked you in.

What separates you from all of the artists I listed above is the fact that you already have an established career. Perhaps it's not as illustrious, or impervious to criticism as is Puffy's, but you certainly can put a case together for being in a better position than he. Whether its the extremely tight Miami circle of DJ Khaled, Trina and company, or any other affiliations you have, you can fall back without fear of losing your buzz. Not Diddy. Sean Combs is a spotlight hog

SIDENOTE:This letter is no judgment on Diddy as a person. Although some of his business practices are on the unethical side, his prowess for finding opportunity is ridiculous. Ross just happens to be next on that list.

who sadly, needs to be featured with someone else to be recognized in hip-hop. In all seriousness, when was the last time you saw a song that just had Diddy? No features, no 'and the Family'... Just Diddy? The fact that you're going to make music 'with' him is proof in and of itself. You'll be fine afterward, though. As long as you don't make Bugatti Boyz more than a passing fancy, you should remain the Bawse, and not another Bad Boy Family member that never makes it to the reunion...

P.S.: Clearly Jay Electronica's signing to Roc Nation didn't rub Diddy the wrong way. Just shows how quick he is to associate with someone when they're hot.

Marvel Universe x Hip-Hop Album Covers

Snatched from Nappy Afro

It's always refreshing to see two different mediums mashed together in a coherent fashion. In this case, we've got the superheroes of yesterday in their comic form with some classic hip-hop albums from yesteryear. The result is one of the most creative graphic design works I've seen in damn near forever. I won't kill you with words, because the images speak for themselves. Just try to guess what superheroes and what albums these are. 1000 e-points to anyone who can guess all of them. Check the rest out after the jump, and comment below if you can figure any of them out!!

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Nas & Damian Marley - As We Enter (Music Video)

As Nas and Damian 'Jr. Gong' Marley prepare to release their album 'Distant Relatives,' I can't help but think about other rap & reggae combinations that did the deed. Their video for 'As We Enter' shows the darker, grittier side of both artists, while jumping over a springy beat. The black on black wardrobe with the post-apocalyptic scenery pays a little too much homage to Jay-Z, but the track is so dope, you don't pay any attention to it. Back to my original point. Rap & Reggae, especially coming from a New York perspective, was heavy back in the 90's and early 2000's. As a matter of fact, both Rap and what we call Dancehall came from the olden art of dubplating. Maybe Jr. Gong and Nasir can bring that trend back. Check out the video for 'As We Enter' and some of my favorite Rap/Reggae clashes...

RIP The Notorious B.I.G.

It goes without saying that Biggie Smalls was a rapper ahead of his time and that his untimely death is one of the biggest losses in hip-hop. That said, the legacy he would have left had he lived is greater than most people could even imagine. B.I.G.'s death, along with other high-profile hip-hop deaths, caused a ripple effect throughout hip-hop. This is best seen in this rare footage (just released today) of Biggie and the rest of the circa-1995 Bad Boy Records roster. Take a look at that video and count how many of the artists and personalities, aside from Diddy, are still in the business today. I counted Lil' Kim, and that's really it. Biggie's death essentially sealed the fate of all of those artists, as Bad Boy had no headliner to bring their other acts up. The same can be said for deceased artists like Big L, Eazy E and Big Pun, though no one will ever truly know what their deaths did to hip-hop. I suppose it's just wishful thinking, but Biggie's potential is worth every second. All we can say today is RIP to Christopher Wallace...