Dear Hallmark

The person who gives me this will need more than his fair share of 'Get Well' cards at the end of the day...

via NBC:

In the business of selling sentiments, there's a card for everything, from traditional occasions to unique needs: cards with sound, cards for holidays, cards for losing a tooth. But losing a job?

Yes, now there's a card for that too. Hallmark recently rolled out a new line of layoff greeting cards.

Stores have a specific section for job loss and recession humor, offering words of support and encouragement. With the unemployment rate at nine percent, the company says customers called-in the need.

One card reads "Don't think of it as losing your job. Think of it as a time out between stupid bosses."

So... On today's episode of 'Life Sucks, You Don't Have a Job, and Corporations are Trying to Squeeze You Dry" we have... a corporation trying to squeeze you dry because you don't have a job and your life sucks! Yes, yes. Hallmark, you have stooped to a new low of recessionary fun with your new 'Layoff Greeting Cards'.

Once a bastion of hope, happiness, and well wishes, you too have felt the sting of financial woes, and in true business fashion have switched your tune up faster than Pookie went back to the crackpipe. The undeniable warm and fuzzy feelings that usually accompany greeting cards seem to have gone by the wayside, it seems. What I don't understand, though, is why you felt that even in this time of economic despair, you felt the need to still try to turn a profit. Have you no shame?

Look around, Hallmark! The country is in its worst economic rut since the Depression. Our government is making as much leeway as a snail going uphill. The threat of nuclear holocaust grows greater every day. More reality television is being produced as we speak, while protesters at Wall Street get pepper-sprayed to no avail. The last thing the country and consumers need is a $3.99 pat on the back from you guys. All of the marketing 'genius' you put into this could have easily been invested in a much more constructive avenue.

Never mind the fact that you even thought that this was a good idea. Who was your target consumer in this decision? What insensitive schmuck would buy a card for their loved one's layoff? I can't begin to imagine the rage that would emanate from my eyes Cyclops-style if someone ever presented me with a greeting card of consolation for being laid off. In fact, I'd be more upset that they spent the $3.99 on your product, instead of just giving me a handshake and the classified ads.

Yes, Hallmark, the recession sucks. But we don't need you to tell us that. As I sift through every job board I know and e-mail every professional I've ever come in contact with, I can't help but wonder how the prospects on employment wit your company are. Given your pride in releasing this depressing news, I can only assume that business is booming in your hallways. Even so, if Obama has his way and the American consumer has his way (both iffy propositions in their own) I'm pretty sure you won't be offering this promotion for too much longer. HAPPY LAY-OFF!!!

Dear President Obama

Sometimes, you've got to walk away from the table to let them know you're serious.

via CNN:

A fourth straight day of talks intended to head off a possible government default ended on a tense note Wednesday, with House Majority Leader Eric Cantor saying President Barack Obama cut him off by saying "I'll see you tomorrow" before walking out.

The exchange concluded almost two hours of talks that failed to achieve a breakthrough. Another session -- the fifth in five days -- was set for Thursday, participants said...

Cantor, R-Virginia, told reporters after Wednesday's meeting that he proposed a short-term agreement to raise the federal debt ceiling, a position Obama has previously rejected.

"That's when he got very agitated and said I've sat here long enough -- that no other president -- Ronald Reagan -- would sit here like this -- and that he's reached the point that something's gotta give," Cantor said, adding that Obama called for Republicans to compromise on either their insistence that a debt-ceiling hike must be matched dollar-for-dollar by spending cuts or on their opposition to any kind of tax increase.

"And he said to me, 'Eric, don't call my bluff.' He said 'I'm going to the American people with this,' " Cantor quoted Obama as saying.

"I was somewhat taken aback," Cantor said. When he continued to press the issue, Cantor said, Obama "shoved back from the table, said 'I'll see you tomorrow' and walked out."

There comes a point when compromise is no longer an option; when putting your cards on the table in a motion of humility is best replaced by flipping the table over and throwing chairs... Well, perhaps that wouldn't work in the White House. But the furniture is all the same. President Obama, for the past two months, the country (or the more informed/interested parties of the country) and it's government have been embroiled in a vicious economic, philosophical and sociological debate about the deficit. I won't sit here and go through all of the ins and outs, because I'm sure you've had enough of it, and by your reaction yesterday it's obvious the debate has hit an impasse.

GOP Leaders like John Boehner, Rick Perry and Eric Cantor have stuck to their guns, claiming that raising taxes on the rich would hurt the 'job creators' and that cutting social programs and taxes are the quickest way to cut the deficit. Barack, I am proud to know that you finally called their bluff and walked out of the futile negotiations. I'm tired of Republicans protecting the corporate big wigs whose pockets they're holding. I'm tired of them wanting to cut social programs that most Americans rely on, all while refusing to cut military spending that has blown way out of proportion since the Iraq/Afganistan Wars started. I'm tired of a Congress so hell bent on not raising taxes on the rich that they would allow the country to go into a default in August. I'm tired of reading the news and seeing these same Republicans claiming that they will not budge when you're clearly trying to come to a centrist, middle-of-the-road compromise that encompasses some of their social cuts and the new tax revenues you're seeking.

You finally put your foot down and decided that sitting at a table with a bunch of GOP blowholes who keep spinning the same record about tax cuts and social program cuts was about as useful as a pee-flavored lollipop. You even brought up the GOP Messiah, Ronald Reagan, claiming that not even he would subserve to such draconian measures. It's been proven, by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the Federal Reserve, numerous polls and independent researchers that cutting taxes (especially to the rich) will NOT FIX THE DEFICIT. And you know, just like I and most non-FOX News watching citizens, that those same tax cuts were the impetus for this Great Recession that's threatening to collapse our economy once again. The Republicans would rather drive us into the ground to protect an outmoded and unsustainable ideology, than come to a compromise that, quite frankly, employs a lot more of their ideas than yours.

Obama, you said that a change was necessary in 2008. For the past year, I've felt that you've kowtowed too much to the devices of the Party of No. Yesterday, I think that the Obama that I voted for was reincarnated with a vengeance, and I LOVE IT. By walking out of the negotiations yesterday, you proved that you're not going to give up the high ground. Yes, the GOP has a majority in the House. Yes, their personal media conglomerate FOX News, continues to purport lies and falsehoods to the same people that are being downtrodden by this recession. And yes, John Boehner and Eric Cantor are about as fiscally sound as Donald Trump in a store full of toupees. But you're the President. You're the person in command. You set the stage, and yesterday you took the stage right from under the those GOP blowholes by walking out. If this fire is an indicator of what's to come, then maybe I'm not as worried about what 2012 will bring (fiscally, that is) anymore. Walk hard, Barry. Walk hard...

Dear Spider-Man

I guess even wall-crawlers feel the recession. Spidey, you had the run of all runs at The Daily Bugle. Jonah Jameson treated you like his personal whipping boy for your entire tenure at that newspaper, and you risked your life and secret identity countless times, all for the sanctity of your job. Not many people, or comic book characters for that matter, can say that. I suppose it's a bit of a statement by Marvel about the state of the United States, and the journalism industry. There's definitely an air of the Civil Rights going on in X-Men. I never thought they would explore the recession, or have you fired. Does this mean you're going to be a freelance photographer, or are you going to make Spider-Man your full-time position? Whatever the case, happy job hunting, Peter. Get on Craigslist and start looking for some internships (probably unpaid). If all else fails, start selling those shots of Spider-Man to another paper, man. Lord knows New York is a tough city to navigate with no deniro coming in...

Dear Anthem Blue Cross

via The Los Angeles Times:

Reporting from Sacramento — Executives from California health insurance giant Anthem Blue Cross, under fire for scheduled rate hikes of up to 39%, insisted Tuesday that their premiums were fair and legal, and they told lawmakers they expected that the increases would go forward. Appearing before the state Assembly's health committee, the officials said that they believed rate increases for individual health insurance policies, delayed until May 1 while being reviewed by the Department of Insurance, would survive scrutiny by regulators.

President Obama on Monday proposed an expansion of federal authority to regulate health insurance rate increases such as Anthem's as part of his national healthcare reform package. In Sacramento, Anthem's president, Leslie Margolin, told the committee that much of the public frustration over the rate hikes was misdirected and should be aimed at the nation's healthcare system.

"This debate and this inquiry cannot and should not be just about the insurance industry or the delivery system or regulators or legislators or customers or brokers," Margolin said.

Now, it's kind of hard to address a letter to an entire company, but I've done worse so here goes:

Take a look at the video... Take a good long look at it. Look at how happy that kid is that he didn't have a serious condition that you guys wouldn't pay for. I've kept my mouth shut about insurance and health care and the insurance companies for a while, simply because I'm not in a position to sit here and talk shit about a entity that I don't identify with. Now, however, I can talk all I want. Anthem, you guys are trifling. How dare you hike up your prices 39% for health care while we're still in a recession? I mean, seriously. As if the overwhelming financial collapse and the impending doom from global warming or natural disaster weren't enough, you guys decided it was cool to nickel and dime Californians some more. I don't get it. How can you guys be so hypocritical, as to claim the system is failing, yet continue to feed into it by charging insane rates for health care?

One thing I've always wondered about most service companies is how they can purport this ideal of caring employees and respect for the customer when you guys lie to everyone, including yourselves? Since when has raising prices been a method of helping people? Since when has an 'affordable plan' come at a 39% markup? The fact that you guys are even trying to fight it shows how screwed up the priorities of big health care are. Instead of reworking your system in an effort to work with our government for a change, you guys are making it worse. They say most good businessmen are bad people. But if your business is to help people, where do you draw the line between trying to make a profit and simply screwing people over?? I guess when you have enough 'Jacks' running around breaking bones, all you can see is money...

Greetings From: New Richmond, Ohio

Greetings from New Richmond, Ohio, where people have gotten so fed up with the banks trying to play bully with their property, that they'd rather destroy it. Terry Hoskins was weeks away from having his home foreclosed by River Hills Bank, after defaulting on a debt of $160,000 on the mortgage. Instead of letting that happen to his $350,000 home, he took matters into his own hands and bulldozed his own house, leveling the property in just under 2 hours. There's no word yet as to what the legal ramifications will be for Mr. Hoskins. However, I don't think he'll be doing too many deals with the bank anytime soon. Hopefully he doesn't still have to pay that debt, or the guy will be homeless and broke...