Dear Keri Hilson

Obama would be proud...

WOW, that is ugly, to say the least. Keri, I've always thought you were talented and all, penning all those hits and even beginning your own singing career. This sure isn't the way to keep the ball rolling. At a primetime game between your HOMETOWN Atlanta Hawks and the Lakers, you botch the National Anthem?? What's funnier is how you tried to cover it with the mean little church choir extension. It was a valiant attempt to save a ridiculous faux pas. I mean, I understand not being completely patriotic and remembering the Anthem. Few people do, and even fewer give a you-know-what about patriotic stuff. At least practice or memorize the piece before you perform!! If you were really feeling shaky, you could've put up a teleprompter, or had somebody holding up a sign somewhere like a grade school recital. The crowd didn't react like a bunch of parents too proud to notice their kids messing up. At least you looked good doing it...

Judge a Book By its Cover

No, that is not a typo. I meant to entitle this blog post that way, because frankly, it's a lesson few people learn. Also, it's a friendly reminder of why Oakland is not to be messed with. On a city bus, a white man and a black man get into an argument over something racially sensitive. The white guy walks away, and you see the back of his shirt, which says 'I Am a Motherfucker'. Now, I don't know about the next man, but upon seeing that shirt, I most likely would have ended the quibble and went about my day. As you can see in the video, homeboy who got bloodied up clearly didn't heed the advice in the title. I hope the people in the ambulance didn't laugh too hard at him...

Dear GOP

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Sorry, I had to get that laugh out, you old donkeys! Let's just say it: You guys don't want Obama's initiatives to go through. It's one thing to bite your tongue of all your contentions when the entire nation is watching. It's something completely different to have Obama on your turf, with all of your opposition, with relatively few people watching. You guys had the latter at the GOP retreat this past weekend and took a worse home L than the Mavericks in 2007. Not only did you not have any evidence to back up any of your claims of Obama, you didn't have any actual plans of your own. I guess if it ain't broke, don't fix it is your policy.

To add to that, with every jab you threw, Obama had an uppercut, waiting for that jaw full of filibusters and bipartisans. He laid out his health care bill perfectly, citing the economic and social benefits the initiative could bring. The President did the same for his economic agenda, and you guys couldn't say a thing. Obama's performance was so good that some of you were questioning whether it should have even been televised. Hell, FOX News cut it off 20 minutes before it was over. That's saying a lot about you guys as a party, especially after mouthing off at the State of the Union. At least Barack had the decency to shake hands with you guys and take pictures with your families later...

Judge Alito is having a huge plate of STFU after the retreat

Office X-Mas Party Gone Terribly Wrong

Everyone has THAT friend (or co-worker in this case). You know. The one who can't hold their liquor and suddenly becomes the love child of Rush Limbaugh and Kurt Cobain; inebriated and outspoken. This video is like a public service announcement to those people, as well as the friends who let them dip a little too far into the deep end of the liquor pool. This holidays, don't let a few too many drinks on Christmas Eve turn into a CRAPPY New Year. Be safe, friends...

Microsoft Laughs at the iPhone in 2007

They say (can we point these 'they' people out one day?) he who laughs last, laughs best. It's painfully ironic that Steve Ballmer laughed at the iPhone in 2007. When the Man fools himself into thinking that he's smarter than he really is, the masses usually reap the benefits. In this case, mankind got the iPhone. That said, I wonder how hard Steve Jobs has been laughing for the past two years...

Dear New England Patriots

Drew Brees made you look BAD

Oh how the mighty have fallen. If it's not blown play calls by the coach, it's ineffective offense and HORRIBLE defense. Drew Brees had a perfect 158.3 passer rating. That's incredible. People don't hit that stat unless they're playing Madden on Rookie. Plus Tom Brady got picked off twice and looked as beatable as any QB in the league. Can you really be mad though? The Saints are a runaway train, and probably have a better chance at running the table than you did.

Though this is a big deal, it's not like you couldn't see this coming. Your defense has been going down faster than FOX News ratings, since everyone that won the Super Bowl is, essentially gone. Asante Samuel is an Eagle and Richard Seymour is a Raider. Corey Dillon, Ty Law, and Troy Brown retired, and Rodney Harrison is on NBC. Hell, there are so many players we could name. It's hilarious that everyone still associates you guys with winning when your last 'ship was in 2004. Let's not even bring up 2007. I know you probably have seen this catch more times than you'd have liked to. Regardless, I know you see that even David Tyree isn't on the Giants anymore. Goes to show you how quick football fortunes turn sour...

When celebrations on ice go wrong...

Every hockey player on earth is making a vow right now to stay on his feet from now on. This dude just gave every high school physics class in America materials for days. You could blame his own ignorance, but it's much easier to peg whoever manufactured that window for the accident. I suppose now that we know the player is okay it's cool to laugh now. Laugh away...

Dear Larry Johnson

Get back to football.. You're tweeting too much

via USA Today:

The Kansas City Chiefs have cut RB Larry Johnson, one day after his suspension ended.

The move comes two weeks after Johnson belittled coach Todd Haley in a series of Twitter posts and used gay slurs with reporters in the team's locker room.

A two-time Pro Bowler, Johnson was second on the team's all-time rushing list with 6,090 yards. A group of fans had petitioned the team last week not to allow Johnson to gain the 75 yards he needed break the team's rushing record.

They say that Twitter killed the publicist. I, for one, think the opposite. Twitter is every entertainment and sports publicists worst nightmare. It allows fans, peers and of course the critics to peer into the livelihood and 'inner thoughts' of the people, who up until now, only had voices during press conferences, interviews and award shows. I suppose no one knows that better than you now, Larry. After being the linchpin of the Kansas City Chiefs offense for 5 seasons (only 2 were good fantasy-wise; My team suffered), you've pretty much fallen out of favor, especially with Todd Hailey at the helm of the offense. Now, instead of talking to the coach, or finding new ways to help the team, or just going along with it and praying everything works out, you decided to tweet about it. Big mistake. As a celebrity (I guess we can call you that), people WAIT for you to tweet something controversial. You should have known as soon as you pressed send, that your ass was gonna have a fire under it hotter than the Chiefs jerseys.

Yeah, I know it's your personal Twitter, and it's really supposed to be for you, and people took what you said 'out of context'. I get it. In fact, I think the NFL or any sports league for that matter should have its hand in your tweets or your life OFF the field. As long as what you're doing doesn't affect how you play (I guess you don't qualify because you've SUCKED for the past 3 years), the league shouldn't be able to reprimand you. However, as is usually the case with what should be, that's not the way it goes. Those gay groups that were protesting outside of the Chiefs practice facility had more power than whatever tweets you sent (think Michael Vick and PETA). Had you just said something about your coach and left the word 'fag' out of your tweets, you'd probably still have a job today. In this day and age of information and technology mixing with people's easily-offended attitudes, you can't afford a slip, or a tweet that belies your utter stupidity and supposed homophobia. Then again, you're jobless now. You can tweet all you want; on and off the unemployment line...

Who taught you how to play football??

Watch. Just watch. And also, just know that I'd be FURIOUS if I were the kick returner here. Luckily for us, this is the interweb, where nothing is real, and no one lies.. Oops, I lied...

Dear Lil' Wayne

Now, you knew this was coming Wayne. I'm not even trying to make fun of you, because jail really isn't a laughing matter. However, this is an excellent example of a rapper's art imitating life, only we're in the real world, not on wax. Wayne, it's been no secret that you're lyrics deal with the 'grittier' side of life. From slanging cocaine and running prostitutes, to shooting rivals and wearing gang colors (which you apparently didn't even earn), you've pretty much exemplified the violent lifestyle that more or less breeds platinum records. What you seem to have forgotten is the two other things that that kind of lifestyle breeds: jail and death. And you seem to have gotten the lesser of the two evils (if either can be called lesser).

Gun possession and illegal drug possession are the charges. Both of them seem silly in comparison to how you got them. According to police reports (yeah, they're not the most reliable, but that's all we have to go off), when they smelled and saw marijuana smoke seeping from your tour bus, they approached the bus. And when you saw them, you threw a Louis Vuitton bag, containing a loaded .40 caliber semi-automatic gun, out of the bus. To me, you sound guiltier than Cheddar Burress (also arrested in NYC on gun charges) on a Saturday night at a club with no metal detector. Face it Wayne, your 'gangsta' (I feel like Tom Brokaw writing that word) lifestyle caught up to you. And while you might not serve the minimum 3 1/2 years (thank your $5000/hr lawyers), you'll definitely be in prison for a year. I wonder how 'real' your lyrics are going to be after some hard time...

Dear Ron Browz

Womp womp womp. See, this is a prime example that gimmicks DON'T WORK. Ron, I respect Ether for what it was, a dope song. But there's no way you can tell me that Nas wouldn't have ripped it over some other beat. The fact that you use it as your one claim to fame is sad to say the least. That's why when I found out that you got dropped from Universal Motown, I knew it wasn't the recession hitting those A&R's; it was your putrid use of auto-tune. Ron, not only did you manage to put out sub-par music, you have everybody forgetting how to say the word Arab. I can't say that I'm too upset though. The sound of 'EEEEETHER BOY' in bad auto-tune (I'm mad auto-tune sounds like a language now) always made me want to cringe even if 'Pop Champagne' made everybody want to get lite. Oh well. RIP to your deal, and I hope you're praying for a new fad in hip-hop that covers lack of talent...

You were such a ground-breaking musician.. We will miss you Ron...