Last year, I posted
9 rules for Twitter that stated little, unwritten by-laws for my tweeps that would keep their Twitter experiences as sucka-free as possible. That list was, by no means exhaustive, or exclusive, as we've got 8 more guidelines that will keep your timeline out of the netherworld. They're based on general findings on Twitter and seeing some annoying people polluting my timeline with their balderdash and hullabaloo (love those two words). Follow these, and if so led, follow me @elektrik788. Here goes nothing...
1. Quit tweeting like or re-tweeting Rev Run. Seriously, it's annoying. I understand that people are thirsty for inspiration, but come on... Does any other reverend that you know walk around talking about haters or making up random acronyms for hood terminology? If you find one, please nominate him for a Nobel Prize. Until then, just don't hit 'Tweet'. Imagine Twitter to be a bunch of tables in a lunch room. No one wants to talk to the guy that's walking around, spewing out inspirational quotes. As a matter of fact, people would probably laugh at him. It's not that uplifting dialogue is a bad thing. It's that most people say this stuff but don't live it. I'd rather have my timeline filled with mindless chatter than a sea of wanna-be Rev Runs. Especially when most of the tweets are about as trite and cliche as a summer of Brett Favre announcements.
2. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a rule for the sexes. Gentlemen, stop trying to bag women off Twitter. It's a social networking site, not eHarmony.com. Seriously. Just because you dedicated a #FollowFriday to her, and tweet all of her favorite songs, does not mean she will recognize you in real life or even find you attractive. As a matter of fact, unless you've actually met this person in real life, it would behoove you to NOT act like you're pulling chicks through your 140 characters. And for the ladies, this one is simple: don't be a skeezah over the internets. A few twitpics here and a few suggestive tweets there, and every male follower you have will have the wrong idea about you. It's not that you should be bashful about your sexuality or love of it. It's just that some things are better left un-tweeted, your underwear shots and bathroom pics included.
3. Allow yourself some Twitter-free time people. As much as I love to tweet my little heart out, there are times when I won't be caught dead doing it. At some point you have to run out of poignant or hilarious stuff to say, or you're just not doing anything interesting enough to tweet about. That's when you take a little break. Turn off Twidroyd (or whatever phone app you have), close the browser and go do something that doesn't involve you head buried in your lap as you type away furiously. Not only will it clear your mental registry, you'll remember why you started tweeting in the first place. Newsflash: People can tell when you're constantly on Twitter. Try spending some time away from technology, people.
4. Quit it with the follower rush. By that I mean stop talking about how many followers you have, why you don't have followers, just to name a few topics. Your Twitter isn't a personal vanity mirror for you to see how many people find you funny, cute or insightful, though it may seem that way sometimes. I'm not saying that followers aren't important. To get a message out and to make sure that people on Twitter hear it, you need followers. But followers are gained through saying things that resonate with other people, not desperate pleas for attention or using a #teamfollowback hashtag every 20 minutes. Trust me, no one on #teamfollowback cares what you have to say anyway. You might as well save yourself the tweet...
5. If you're a musician, designer, DJ, or creator of any type of media, don't tweet people with your work unsolicited. Plain as that. And that goes for your fans, too. Don't hit me and 30 other bloggers and 1000 other people you follow with a link to your mixtape, especially if you have no relationship with these folks other than being on Twitter. Not only does it look like you're desperate, but it makes your work look weaker because you have to push it so hard. Good work stands out regardless of how you find it. There's no need to flood my timeline with singles and videos and promo that myself and 95% of the people you send it to won't listen to. You'd be better off just working on your music, designing, DJing than hitting people on Twitter. Chances are, half the people who said they listened, didn't anyway. Also, doing that defeats the purpose of social networking. The key word there is 'networking'. Which chapter of the 'Idiot's Guide to Social Networking' includes pushing your product in people's faces and hoping for a response? I thought so. Build relationships on Twitter, not contact lists...
6. Learn the Twitter protocol, as in @-ing someone, re-tweeting and DMing. Yeah, this is nitpicky. Yet, how many times has a tweet been completely indecipherable because there are 5 different users in it, each re-tweeting with a different format? You might as well not even re-tweet, if the next person who sees it wonders if you and your homeboys have Twitter-dyslexia. I know I'm not the only one who's genuinely irked by seeing sloppy mentions and re-tweets. That goes for @-ing people, too. If the dialogue takes up 4 or more tweets, and is more than public in nature, just DM the person. Or better yet, e-mail, text, IM, Wave, Facebook, or even call the person. Twitter is for short messages and terse conversation, not full-on catching up.
7. I said this in the last post to you, Tweeps, but this is really irking me. People, 1f YuH tYp3 LyK3 DiSz, 1 WiLl uNf0110wH YuH... It's as simple as that. There's nothing cute or cool about misspelling words on purpose. Some terminology needs to be either abbreviated or adjusted for spatial reasons, and other terminology just doesn't lend itself to typing. Making exceptions for those is cool. However, turning your tweet into a mashup of Matrix code, hood ratchetness, and a Rosetta Stone lesson is about as cool as putting rims on a minivan. Not only do you look stupid, everyone riding in that van (retweeting; if anyone does it) looks retarded too. People wonder why literature and writing are going down the shitter. Just one look at Twitter, and we know why. Just because it's the internets, does not mean grammar, spelling, diction, and punctuation go out the window...
8. One of the best parts when I began was the trending topics. At any given point in the day there was a topic or hashtag worth tweeting about. The topics ranged from anything to sports, everyday life, music, or what have you. Now all of the topics are relationship ones, usually bashing the opposite sex. It's either that, or rehashed versions of older topics. It's not that I have a problem with new tweeps getting their try at the #TT's. It's that most of the heads 'going in' on these topics have been going in on them for months now. Give it a rest. We know you don't like hoes. We know you love sex. We know you're pro-Obama on everything and #cantstand a horde of things. Doesn't mean we have to hear about it every day, with a different hashtag attached to it...
9. Point blank, most celebrities have Twitter for one reason, and one reason alone: promotion. If you can't help them with that, aren't one of their personal friends, or don't have anything constructive to say to them, please stop tweeting them as if you were such. These people wouldn't recognize you in a police lineup or walking down the street. What makes you think that they care about your tweets more than the next user? Yeah, that's negative. Yeah, it's sad. But it's true. As a matter of fact, if you keep hitting them up and they don't respon, what does that say about you? Maybe you should focus on having something of worth to tweet about rather than sucking at the kneecaps of Ashton Kutcher and Diddy...
There you have it, tweeps. Another year, and another list of things that will get you unfollowed. Don't take some of these grievances personally, because we're all guilty of them at some point. It's just that some tweeps take them overboard, while others are only momentarily guilty. Take heed, so you don't get labeled 'that guy' on Twitter...
