Charlie and the Apple Factory

I've been a faithful Mac since 2006, but wasn't always as sold on Steve Jobs' baby as I once was. Apple products and their fanboys were annoying at one point, mostly because I was too busy playing Icy Tower and Text Twist to want to pay them any mind. Yet, I still was drawn in. Why and how do Steve Jobs and the Mac army make such addicting products? Obviously the marketing is big, but what else makes #teamiPhone so devoted. College Humor takes a stab at why in the video, brewing up a funny parody of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. What Charlie finds in Steve Jobs' factory might make anyone hold off on Mac purchases for a little while. Plus, it's never too late to get a good laugh out of Bill Gates' decade-long fight to get the edge back for Windows. Check out the video on whatever iProduct you have...

Samsung Galaxy Tab

Now that the iPad has officially taken hold of American consumers and virtually made people into walking zombies viewing their huge telescreens (word to dystopian futures and George Orwell), it's time for the fleet of 'iPad killers' to hit the stores and slowly try to whittle away at Apple's heels while Steve Jobs takes over the world. The first attempt at such a device is the Samsung Galaxy Tab. The Galaxy is on Orion's belt powered by Google's Android operating system, which I'm quite partial to. It features a 7-inch LCD screen, a 1 GHz processor and can be used on both a 3G and 4G networks (unlike the iPad). Add to that, the Galaxy Tab also has Flash, something the iPad faithful have been salty about since day 1. Will the Samsung Galaxy Tab be able to dethrone the iPad? Absolutely not. Will it be able to grab some of the market from Apple, and simultaneously open the floodgates for other 'iPad Killers'? By all means. I see a Christmas season dominated by tablets. Cue up the Big Brother conspiracy theories at once. We're entering dystopia, and Apple is holding the door open...

Dear iPad Stans

I understand the Apple craze. I myself am a proud Mac, and will probably be just that until (you know it's coming) Microsoft steps it game up. Since Apple put out the iPod, it seems like we're moving closer and closer to a society run by Apple (and Google). And the people leading the line to Apple iWorld are the Apple fans, or this year, the iPad stans. The video above is a perfect case of brand loyalty gone wrong. The guy is the first in line for the iPad and was the first for the iPhone. Is it that important to you guys to be 'early adopters'? Is saying you have something that everyone (I hope not) has in a few months worth your time and overpayment? I hope it is, because not only will you be $500 poorer, you'll soon realize what we Luddites (look it up) have known since Steve Jobs stepped on stage a few months back: the iPad is a huge iPhone, with no camera. Point. Blank. Period. At least there's a silver lining. We get to see how many nice-looking, but mostly useless applications the world can conjure up in the next month. These guys put their iPad in their truck. Hopefully insurance covers it...

That's a 6-car pileup waiting to happen

Dear Steve Jobs

via The Wall Street Journal:

Apple Inc. launched a legal broadside against a key Google Inc. partner in the mobile-phone market, in a further sign of the escalating tensions between the two Silicon Valley companies.

Apple of Cupertino, Calif., alleged numerous patent violations in lawsuits against HTC Corp., the Taiwan-based manufacturer of smart phones, including high-profile models like Nexus One, that use Google's Android operating system. Apple's two complaints – filed in federal court in Delaware and the U.S. International Trade Commission – allege that HTC devices infringe a total of 20 Apple patents covering an array of cellphone technologies, including everything from power management functions to a method of unlocking a handset through a finger swipe on a touch-screen.

"We can sit by and watch competitors steal our patented inventions, or we can do something about it. We've decided to do something about it," Apple Chief Executive Steve Jobs said in a statement. "We think competition is healthy, but competitors should create their own original technology, not steal ours."

It's been a long time coming, Steve, but it's finally happened. Apple is now 'the Man'. There, I said it. Why is that, you ask, Steve? Well, take a gander at you in 1996. The quote is now synonymous with your pushing Apple to new heights as a force in the tech world. As simple and innocent as it seemed at the time, your use of that mantra is almost laughable in contrast to your legal proceedings today. Steve, you can't put a lid on innovation, and you know that. Regardless of whether HTC's interfaces or fingerswipes or whatever are reminiscent of the iPhone, there's no way you can claim that they 'stole' anything when you yourself are an advocate of theft. You're like a kid cheating on a test who gets mad when someone else is cheating off of him. Steve, realize that there are NO new ideas under the sun, just improvements and innovation around existing ones. Microsoft found that out the hard way when you and Apple took the world by storm with the iPod, and you're finding that out now...

Anyway, back to my original point about you guys becoming 'the Man.'Some of the delineations of being 'the Man' (for me, at least) are A) a previous stint as a leader in their field, B) a novel lack of originality, and C) an overzealous need to thwart competition, no matter how far-fetched the claims are. Hmmmmmmmm.... That sounds a hell of a lot like what you're doing now, Steve. Everyone loved Apple four years ago because they were on the cutting edge of design and technology (A). Now, you guys are struggling to come up with new ideas, with crap like the iPad coming out and no new stuff on the horizon for a WHILE (B). And today, you sealed the deal as 'the Man' by coming at HTC over technology that damn near every phone has or will have in the future. Steve, look at yourself. No really, look at yourself, because that's who you should be getting mad at. Instead of flinging dirt at the competition, you should be on your grizzy, coming up with technology that aren't just bigger versions of your older products...

The future is looking soooooo bright for Apple, Steve

Dear Apple

#shoutout to Engadget for the flicktures

Okay, first it was the Mac, then the iPod, then the iPhone. Now it's the iPad?? Yeah, I'm not buying it, guys. And I mean that in every sense of that euphemism. Apple, to tell you the truth, the iPad looks impressive. If anyone walked up to me with it in hand, here would be the conversation:

DRAMATIZATION (because I clearly don't speak this way)

Me: WOW!! What's that??
Friend: It's the iPad!! It's really neat, isn't it?
Me: Yeah, it looks like a winner!! What does it do??
Friend: It goes on the internet and does e-mail and you can put music on it and take pictures and do word processing and has a wicked awesome touchscreen and...
Me: (interrupting) So it's a computer?
Friend: Noooo, it's an iPad! Check out how good the 3G coverage is!
Me: So it's a phone then?
Friend: Noooo, it's an iPad!
Me: (blank stare) So it's a phone and a tablet computer at the same time?
Friend: Noooo, it's an i... Well, yeah. I guess it is a phone and tablet computer.
Me: That's pretty cool... What are you going to do with your iPhone and your Macbook?
Friend: (blank stare)

END

Therein lies the problem, Apple. Most people are probably not going to drop $499 (Why don't companies just say $500?) on a second computer with no keyboard, much less one that costs another $30 a month to use (via AT&T's data plan). You guys at Apple have gotten so smitten with innovation and finding ways to meld every device together, that you've made something useless to 90% of the market. Sure, someone that has neither computer, phone or MP3 player will piss his pants when he sees this. But how many people do you guys know who DON'T have a computer, phone or MP3 player? In fact, I dare you to find ONE person who doesn't have any of the three. If and when you do, you need to sell that iPad to each and every friend and relative that that person has.

Apple, I've long been a Mac, and will probably continue to be a Mac after this post (given my Macbook doesn't shit itself again). That said, it's pretty funny to see the entire internet on hold just to see something that we already knew was going down. I laughed when I saw the iPad because I was expecting something out of this world and saw a product that most likely could have been made 2 years ago. Kudos Steve Jobs and Apple. You guys have successfully duped Americans into believing that anything Apple-branded is made by God. I hope the iPad does the numbers you thought it was, because somehow I don't see it happening. But who am I to judge? I'm just another Mac user. The iPad still looks cool...

The Apple Tablet

via Engadget:

According John Paczkowski over at All Things D, Apple is planning a "major product announcement" for Wednesday, January 27th -- not the 26th as we've heard in previous reports. Additionally, the French site Mac4Ever says developers have been given a beta of the iPhone OS 4 SDK which includes a "simulator" for reformatting / scaling applications to a new, tablet-sized screens. Here at Engadget, we can confirm that sources very familiar with the situation over in Cupertino have been given info about a tablet heading for launch at the end of January, which will -- in fact -- require reformatting and resizing for (we assume)... yep, its new screen size and resolution.

First off, the Mailing List is getting a bit of a change. Instead of having 5 per month and pretty much having a countdown, if it's going down this month, it's in the Mailing List. Most of y'all don't catch that, but, I suppose it's cool.

Anyways, enter the Apple Tablet aka the iSlate aka the Macbook Mini, or whatever heads want to call it. On January 27th, Apple will announce a 'major product'. The interwebs have been raving over a bunch of hear-say about the Apple Tablet, and have gotten a few hints via Apple product development. The final result should be DOPE. Of course these pictures are all photoshopped fan pictures, but you have to admit the possibilities are endless when it comes to Apple. Check the rest of the pictures and stay tuned for more Mailing List posts, especially when it comes to Apple...

Dear Apple

via the New York Times:

Two titans of the tech world, Google and Apple, may soon be engaged in hand-to-hand combat. Or, more precisely, handset-to-handset combat.

Google plans to begin selling its own smartphone early next year, company employees say, a move that could challenge Apple’s leadership in one of the fastest-growing and most important technologies in decades.

Google’s new touch-screen Android phone, which it began giving to many employees to test last week, could also shake up the fundamentals of the cellphone market in the United States, where most phones work only on the networks of the wireless carriers that sold them.

The company, using the power of its brand, plans to market and sell the new phone directly to consumers over the Internet, and buyers would be able to sign up for service from any compatible provider, the employees say.

They say that every dog has its day. Apple, it's been your day forever. Everyone listens to music on iPods, calls their friends on iPhones, use Mac computers and live the iLife. That said, what is the one program that everyone uses?? What one name seems to stand side by side with you guys in the technological arena? What name is synonymous with the simplicity and functionality that you guys have? You guessed it: Google. With news that Google is coming out with their own phone, which will run their proprietary software, the smartphone playing field is looking less tilted in your favor, Apple. First of all, this phone will be able to be on any network, not just AT&T, like you guys. For everyone who didn't get an iPhone because of AT&T's terrible prices and even worse service (like me), that's a good look.

Also, having the Google name on the phone is better than cosigns from Jay-Z, Don Cannon and DJ Drama on the same mixtape. Think about it. Everyone has a G-Mail, uses Youtube, uses Google Docs, uses Google Maps, reads Google News, is Google Waving, Google Reading blogs, and not to mention Google Scholar, Google Books, Google Shopping and Google Translating. Come to think of it, if we're not doing something with Apple, it's with Google. You guys might want to look into just forming a mega-conglomeration and taking over the world. We all know it's happening some time. Might as well make it with the two companies everyone uses...

Microsoft Laughs at the iPhone in 2007

They say (can we point these 'they' people out one day?) he who laughs last, laughs best. It's painfully ironic that Steve Ballmer laughed at the iPhone in 2007. When the Man fools himself into thinking that he's smarter than he really is, the masses usually reap the benefits. In this case, mankind got the iPhone. That said, I wonder how hard Steve Jobs has been laughing for the past two years...

The Mailing List: August 2009 (#1)

1. Mac OS X - Snow Leopard



I'm a Mac, and I love it. All you PC's out there need to stop trying to fake the funk with Windows Vista (aka Insect-central) and upgrade your life to Mac. When I say that Mac upgrades your life, I mean it. In today's world, you are intrinsically linked with your computer, whether you like it or not. Why not have a computer that simply outperforms in every way? Whatever your preference, Apple is releasing their newest operating system, Snow Leopard. While the name is a little silly, you can't deny the improvements Apple made this time. In addition to making the OS more powerful, they refined their newer features like Time Machine, Stacks and Spaces to make them more streamlined. They've re-written the entire OS in 64-bit so that everything is faster. There's a new version of Quicktime and, hell, even startup is faster. If you're a Mac, do yourself a favor and buy Snow Leopard. It's only $29 this time around. Check more features at Apple and some screenshots below...